Reasons Why I Can't Post This Week

Reason’s I’m not posting this week:

1. I have bronchitis.
2. I am busy investigating the authenticity of the whole Susan Boyle phenomenon.
3. I am shoe shopping. It does not require much lung capacity to click “add to shopping cart”.
4. I simply can’t put down “Wired for War: The Robotics Revolution and Conflict in the 21st Century”. (Honestly, awesome book.)
5. I’m busy debating whether Zac Efron needs a haircut.
6. I'll be convincing my husband Jeremy that while the jury is still out on Zac, you, my dear, DO need a haircut.
7. I’m investigating as to why attractive kayakers and horseback riders on the beach always wind up using Valtrex. (Seriously, have you seen those commercials?) Until then, I am not going near large bodies of water.
8. I’m finding something new to obsess about.
9. Reading way too much into a conversation with my boss.
10. I’ll be re-evaluating my summer wardrobe goals. Can you wear hot pants if you're over 35?
    

Please stop by next week when I throw up posts about my fear of flying, my view of what the young folks out there having racing through their minds and reasons why I want our copy repairman dead.

I Cleaned House Then I Had an Idea That Seemed Much Better in My Head

I totally had another post ready to put up today, but then I spent a good deal of my early morning cleaning out my inbox and I thought, “Hey this would make great blog fodder!” (I’m telling you, I’ve been MIA for so long, I actually thought this was one of my greatest ideas ever.)


People, if you learn one thing from Steenkybee, let it be to never step away from your blog for too long. If you do, you'll stop thinking like a blogger. If you learn two things from Steenkybee, it’s that it’s never a good idea to talk, or write, in the third person. People hate that crap.

So anyway, back to my inbox. I had 4528 emails in my inbox. All of them had been read with the exception of two from the Irish National Bank, one from my accountant and four from Barnes & Noble. Yes, I neglected the important tax information tip from my accountant and decided to read IMPORTANT BUSINES DEALINGS CONFEDENTAL from Mr. Asa Redlnikerneter. (And, yes, is would seem that Mr. Redlnikemeter does not know how to spell ‘business’ or ‘confidential’ but I thought I would hear him out anyway.)

Now, over 4000 emails may seem like a lot, but don’t be fooled. I’ve had my yahoo account for years and have never tidied it up once. But today I created folders and folders within folders to classify and file almost all of my correspondence. As I was cleaning house in my email account, I came across all the correspondence that I’ve had with one blogger for almost a year.


That person? Captain Dumbass. I’m going to take the high road and not divulge how many emails I had from him because the sheer number is borderline embarrassing. I will, however, feel free to share with you some of the subject lines of the emails.

Twenty-one of those emails had JENNY POSTED! in the subject line. For months the Captain would alert me whenever The Bloggess posted. If I cracked the top 25 comments on her site, I only had him to thank with the exception of one time in the produce section of our grocery store when my iPhone crashed while I was posting a comment to Jenny’s site. I screamed “I HATE YOU!” at it, but my husband thought I was talking about the oranges. We then proceeded to have a very involved conversation on how nobody should have hard feelings toward any fruit, let alone oranges. I have never let my husband forget that that “fruit talk” cost me a top ten spot in Jenny's comment section. I wound up somewhere in the thirties. The Bloggess is powerful.

The moral of that last paragraph? I’ll never let fruit, or Steve Jobs come between me and reaching my commenting goals. Never.

Okay, back to the subject lines from the Captain:
6 emails had OMG! In the subject line.
2 emails had YOUR MOM in the subject line. (I didn’t go back and read them, but I assume he was talking smack about my mom which is unfortunate because my mom is an occasional reader of his blog. It’s even more unfortunate that I have become cyber friends with the Captain’s mom.)
8 emails had YOUR PACKAGE in the subject line.
3 emails had MY PACKAGE in the subject line. (I did not dare look at any of these.)
12 emails had no subject line but in the body of the email, the Captain simply wrote what he had for lunch or dinner.
7 emails simply had NEED HELP! in the subject line. (Boy, did he ever.)
In 1 email he quoted Vanilla Ice lyrics to both me and Jeremy. (Jeremy now has a serious man-crush on him.)

In the end, I didn’t have the heart to delete any of these emails, so I gave the Captain his own folder in my organization system titled 'Dumbass'. I did this not because I’m sentimental, but because some of them have some good dirt that I will use on him later. And since times are tough, I’m accepting bribes from anyone (including you, mom) who would like to harass the Captain.

P.S.: This post didn’t start out as a ribbing (tribute) to Captain Dumbass, but it sure did end up that way.

P.P.S.: Way back in November, before my break, I promised a few other fellow bloggers that I would spotlight them. I haven't forgotten. You'll get yours next week.

P.P.S.: Wow, that came off a little threatening. Sorry.

When a Problem Comes Along, You Must Whip It

Don't fret, dear friends, there really isn't a problem here. I just wanted to get your attention. I think Steenky Bee may undergo a new fall lineup. I just wanted to let the tens of you know so you're not confused when you stop by.

A few times a week I shall post pictures and stories of Henry and Reese. Our children, especially Henry, have seen their pictures on Steenky Bee and they really like it. Henry thinks he's a pretty big deal. He's charging us royalties on the use of his likeness. Reese is starting diva behavior as well. She'll only take her pink bottle now. Celebrities.

Jeremy's antics seem to get warm responses from friends of The Bee. I shall try to work his words of wisdom and hairbrained schemes into at least one post a week. I would be remiss if I didn't point out that Jeremy is also exhibiting diva-like tendencies. He fights Reese for the pink bottle.

The Friday Five will be undergoing a little bit of an overhaul. From hence forth it shall be known simply as The Five Spot and it won't be posted on Friday anymore. It will appear either Saturday or Sunday. I'm going to keep you guessing, that's my strategy. Well, it's not so much a strategy as it is the fact that I don't know what we'll be doing during the weekends. It's not always dinner and dancing over here. Sometimes it's disinfectant and diarrhea.

(Have you all noticed the "hence" and "shalls" in this post? This is not part of the new fall lineup, I'm just feeling fancy today. But then I just wrote the word "diarrhea" didn't I? That sucked all the highbrow out of this place.)

On Fridays I will be trying my hand at participating in The Spin Cycle over at Sprite's Keeper's place. Basically, Sprite's Keeper throws a topic out there and the participants write a post putting their own spin on it. Sprite's Keeper posts all the links on her page for everyone to see. For more details go here.

Well, that's it. There's nothing more to see here. I don't really know how to gracefully end this post. It's kind of like it's the end of a long phone conversation and I don't really know how to get off the line. So, I guess I'll see you around. I'll call you tomorrow. Bye!

Our Weekend and Laundry I Just Don't Want to Do

First, here's our weekend recap in a flash.

On Friday, Reese had pigtails.

She rocked them. She rocked them good.

On Saturday, she had post-pigtails or as we liked to call them, Ewok ears.

Still harnessing The Force or whatever. (Ewoks had The Force, right?) Reesie has The Fierce.

Sunday, Henry and I went to see a movie. Jeremy stayed home to tend Reese's hair.

But half-way through he wanted to bail and insisted we go home. Once we walked through our front door he announced that he wanted to go swimming. Um, I don't think so. This is as close to a dip in the pool as he got.

That's right. My three (soon to be four year old) lounged for the remainder of the evening on a blow up float mat.

Also, for some odd reason, Jeremy went target shooting with a giant.

Seriously, folks. My husband (the smaller one on the left) is just over 6 feet tall. Would you look at the size of his gun toting friend, Pedro? How big is he?! Pedro once brought us bagels of love.

**********

This is probably all I will post until the end of the week. I'm falling behind on the other part of my life and my entire house. Remember that laundry pile? Yeah, it's still there. I've resorted to using my "chairdrobe" to get myself dressed every morning. I will still visit all of you this week and comment religiously on your blogs. (I didn't mean to imply that I'll be spewing religious thoughts in your comment sections. My words will remain solely secular.) However, if something crizazy happens before this week is up, don't think I won't immediately extricate myself from my chores and share it with the internets. Peace out.

Cleaning House A Bit: Webby Things

Today I'm just doing that lazy blogger thing by just pointing you to other sites and cleaning house here a bit. Here goes.

On the days that I'm in the office, without fail (read: sometimes), I have a very set routine when I get to my desk. The first thing I do is remove the used coffee or soda cup from the random co-worker who used my mac while I worked from home. I'm over being bothered by it. It happens every day. Next, the girls and I say our 'good mornings' and download to each other what each of us did or didn't do the night before. I check voicemail and email, and say a little silent prayer to myself that the copier won't give me fits that day.

The next thing I do? I open this little number up below and watch it. Julee sent this dancing trombone guy over to me over six years ago and I've watched it so, so many times. My favorite "move" he does is right around the 1:00 minute mark.

I recently stumbled across cake wrecks. Why haven't I heard of this deliciously awesome site before? Perhaps my mild obsession with it for the past 18 hours is the reason my house remains unvacuumed, my comments on your site have been fewer and far between, my laundry remains in a pile in the corner and my children remain unfed? Okay, so that last one isn't true. It combines my two favorite things at this moment, foodie blogs and humor. Who could ask for more?

Lastly, I love, love these someecard thingys. They're slightly offending, which is something I'm totally about. Here's a few that I recently downloaded. The Hall and Oates one is fitting because...well, when is Hall and Oates not fitting? And the sense of humor one is for Jeremy, to remind him of our on-going private joke about how he thinks he's funnier than I am. Actually, he's probably right.