March 27, 2007

The Players

JEREMY is my husband and main squeeze. We've been married since the day we met. He's a mountainman and could provide for our family in the event of a Zombie invasion. He has McGiver-esque skills and could kill you with out even using his hands. He seems to be tolerant of me and often tells me I'm pretty. He's an amazing father and I'm so lucky he keeps me around. He has an alter ego named Jerome that only comes out around me and his mother.

HENRY is our three year old son and light of our world. He keeps us entertained and on our toes at all times. He has a penchant for peeing outdoors and often invites you to run with him.

REESE is our infant daughter and holds our every joy in her chubby little hands. She is small, but she's mighty mischievous for such a little thing. She adores her older brother and practically any food you put in front of her. She dislikes bedtime because she finally figured out that life goes on while she sleeps.

TAZ AND MEESHA are the cats. I've had them for ages so they are considered vintage. Meesha is friendly, Taz...not so much. He hates everybody but me. Meesha is prone to sneaking out to run with the dogs while Taz yearns for boys nights out with Dad (even though he can't stand to be in the same room with him)

BAT AND MAX are the dogs. Max is mine and is a boy, no matter what Henry tells you. Also, he is a Republican, which I cannot get behind. Bat only knows that Jeremy exists mainly because Jeremy brings him food. Bat has been known to knock himself out from time to time.

MASTER-P is Henry's betta fish and you should be aware that he read minds.

GRANDMA JO AND GRANDPA BRENT are my parents. They enjoy watching the kids and being flooded at their house. I say this because their river banks have overflowed a handful of times and they've never moved once. My Mom has single-handedly pimped this blog out to almost everyone she knows and she still can't pronounce the word 'blog' properly. Thanks, Mom!

GRANDMA LAURI AND GRANDPA WAYNE are Jeremy's folks. They don't like having a surplus of soda at their house, they love the Greenbay Packers, the color purple and are partially responsible for Henry's habit of peeing outdoors.

GRANDMA GRANNY is Jeremy's Grandma and Great-Grandma to Henry and Reese. She is physically stronger than almost anyone else I know and is highly likely to be seen with a chainsaw, a log splitter, cleaning out ditches or wiping up behind you with a load of papertowels.

JU-LEE is a hybrid of two of my closest friends. JULEE is beautiful, smart and know, everything that your shampoo bottle promises will happen to you if you lather, rinse, repeat. LEE loves to fish, jump from helicopters with skis and hang out with beautiful, smart and sassy women with high grooming standards.

ROSLIN or ROZZIE is a dear, dear friend. I don't get to see her as often as I used to because she's a baby-haver now and loves to clean her house. She has coached me through my phone aversion, bad hair days and run-ins with mean people. We love to laugh together and I just generally feel I'm better for knowing her.

I have a respectable GIRL POSSE of close friends that I adore. Each of them is uber cool and we like to get together to discuss celebrity meltdowns, normal people meltdowns, politics and how awesome we all are.

PAUL-SHELL are our neighbors whom we not only like, but we like, like them. Henry has the hots for Michelle and is keeping up appearances with Paul to get to his wife.

We have a lot of COUSINS and other FAMILY that appear from time to time in our escapades. Some of them are hip that I will be writing about them later, most of them are not.

KEELY is Reese's guardian angel and owns a significant piece of mine and Jeremy's hearts. Henry reminds us constantly that she is actutally HIS friend.

BUCKNER is a co-worker who has been house hunting since I met him four years ago. He's an artist, but not suffering or brooding.

OTHERS I may have overlooked, let me just tell you I'm sorry. You should probably hang out with us a little more often so I can exaggerate everything about you in this here blog.

March 26, 2007

What is Steenky Bee?/Frequently Asked Questions

What is wrong with you?
My husband, Jeremy, asks me this almost daily. I am Jennifer. But people call me Jen…well, to my face anyway. Behind my back, I’m sure they call me much more colorful things. I am a wife, and a mother to two beautiful and loud children, Henry and Reese. I'm honored to live my life with them. We reside in Northern-ish Utah. (No, polygamy is not legal. Anymore.) Utah is awesome. Don't let anyone tell you any different. We have two cats (one of which is kick-ass) and two dogs (both are kick-ass.) We used to have a fish but the cat who isn't so kick-ass ate him.

Why 'Steenky Bee'?
It's simple, really. You see, 'Steenky Bee' is the name we gave our son's binkie (pacifier) habit that he unfortunately held on to for waaaaay too long. Don't ask how long. We're quite embarrassed about it. We ditched the last of the binkies when we bribed our son to trade them in for a 12" Batman action figure. (Coincidentally, our daughter has now assumed ownership of said Batman figure by exercising squatter rights. And let me tell you, her Barbies have never been so happy, if you know what I mean.)

BTW: I tried to name this blog "Stinky Bee" but it was already taken by an angsty teen who was raging against the man (and her parents for forcing her to do homework at regular intervals).

Why do you seem to suddenly disappear from the internet at random?
Well, sometimes I have other things I like to do, like go to work where I make actual money, or spend time with my husband and children who help me spend said money. Other times I just want to drink a bunch of A&W Cream Soda, fight with my husband for the remote control and watch VH1 Countdown specials (When I win - which is never.)

I’ve seen several typos in your posts. What’s the deal?
Well, aren't we awfully judgmental? So I forget to use spelcheck. All the time. It happens.

What else should we know about you?
I also mishandle parenthesis, quotation marks and hyphens. It's something I "struggle" with on a day-to-day (basis).

That's not exactly what I was after. I mean, are there any other interesting tidbits you want to tell us?
Sure! Let me start off by telling you my likes and dislikes: I like stretchy pants. I hate the word "tidbits". I love Utah. I hate being hot. I am comfortably into my thirties. I spill food down the front of my shirt. Always. I smile at strangers, but don't let my children talk to them. I will always hold the door open for you. No one ever tells Jeremy he got a catch when he found me, but they always tell me that about him. I am incapable of road rage. I am disgusted by public swimming pools. I can twirl a baton. I rarely believe anything I'm told.

If you’re not totally put off by me now, feel free to email me at {jenboglass [at] yahoo [dot] com}

March 17, 2007

People I Stalk Online (Outdated)

Below is a list of people who I probably spend way too much time stalking online. It's an unhealthy addiction that I'm trying to (unsuccessfully) curtail. It's a process, people.

3 Bedroom Bungalow
A Girl and Her Life
A Hesitant Housewife
Angry Chicken
Ann Again...and Again
Apathy Lounge
April's Little Family
Bee's Musings
(Bejewell)The Musical Fruit
Blissfully Caffeinated
Blogging Mama (Andrea)
Boob Emancipation
Boondock Ramblings
Carolyn Online
Cheaper Than Therapy
Check Out My Sass
Chris Wood's Blog
(Church Punk Mom) My Embellished Truth
Cinnamon and Honey
Clark Kent's Lunchbox
coconut belly
Crab Goggles
Design Mom
Dayton Time
For a Different Kind of Girl
Get the Stink Off
Gimme the Juice
(Green Jello) May You Lead an Interesting Life
Half as Good as You
Harry Jack's Mom
Home of the Lazy Dog
I Need a Martini Mom (Vodka Mom)
Irish Gumbo
Irregular Periodic Ruminations
Is There Any Mommy Out There (Anymommy)
It's a Dog's Life
Jeff & Me + Three
Jennster :o
(Jenny) The Bloggess
Jiggety Jigg (Jen)
Just Making Our Way
Kaply, Inc.
King of the New York Hacks
Life and Times of a Wicked Stepmom
Literal Dan
Lost and Found in India
(Maggie Dammit) Okay, Fine, Dammit!
(Maggie) Flux Capacitor
Me, You and Ellie
Miss Disgrace
Mommy Wants Vodka (Aunt Becky)
Mommy's Escape
Morgan Madness
My Dogumentary
My A-Cup Runneth Over
My Life as I See It
My Life in a Nutshell
My Milkshake Thoughts (related-to-me blogger!)
Notes From the Sleep Deprived
Notes From the Trailerhood
O Happy Day!
Outnumbered Two to One
Pandoras Ethernet Connection
Papa TV
Pointlessly Hypertechnical
Pulsipher Predilections
Riding the Short Bus (no longer blogging here, but I can't take her down)
Rock and Roll Mama
Sassy Mama Says
Sell Party of 4
Seriously Mama
Shout Daily
Simply AnyMom
Sprite's Keeper
Spyrou Family Chronicles
Sticky Fingers
Suburban Matron
Suburban Turmoil
Sweet Life in the Valley
Tales From the Salti Peaks
That Blue Yak (Dr. Zibbs)
The Bigger They Get
The Fife's Are Cool
The Fun House
The Locals Love It
The Mister
The Scattered Mind of a Tattooed Minivan Mom
The Stiletto Mom
The Unmom (Keely)
The Wise Young Mommy
The Young and the Relentless
These Are the Days of Our Lives
This Life is Mine
Twenty-Four at Heart
Two Dogs Running (Mama Dawg)
Us and Them (Captain Dumbass)
Waffles Waffles All Day Long
Were Those Wrinkles There Yesterday?
Zip Bag of Bones

About the Steenky Bees

Welcome to Steenky Bee. Unless you are super lame, you're going to find my site absolutely awesome. I've listed below sort of a "cheat sheet" to help you better understand our family dynamic.


That picture above? That's me. I'm Jen. I always look my best, including full makeup and expertly teased hair. I sport the shiniest. lips. ever. I'm prone to temper tantrums, rolling into town after years of reclusiveness and speaking in a very deliberate British accent. I frequently startle horses, marry men on their death bed and I have been known to push my nemeses (that's right people, plural) down the stairs.

I get excited about everything. I like nice people with mean streaks and strangers with free steaks. I will always smile at you and hold doors open for you, but I will hesitate to tell you that you've got a little schmutz on your face. I prefer not look at your feet until I've known you for at least two hours.


This hunk of hair covered man is my husband and soul-mate, Jeremy. He's awesome. He's funny and much, much better than me. He often spends his time wading in the vast oceans of Utah, talking on cordless phones and organizing his closet filled with Hawaiian shirts. This man can fix anything with duct tape. He enjoys having a trophy-wife (5th place, Holla!), solving murders, the outdoors, talking on the phone (it had to be said again), yelling at the television and being awake at 3:00 am.

The Boy
This is Henry, or at least what we predict our son Henry will look like in 2030. Except, he'll have way better hair and a more flexible wardrobe. Currently, Henry enjoys talking out of turn, running in circles and making marks on our walls. He has the most curious nature about him. I firmly believe this is why he constantly asks me, "Mommy, what's wrong with your hair?" He is awesome and adorable and several other flattering words that begin with the letter "A".

Once Henners grows up, we fully expect for him to lose the ability to bend his arms, begin wearing ascots, riding around in the passenger seat of pink corvettes and become eye candy for a high maintenance woman who, for some reason, only walks on the balls of her teeny, tiny feet.

The Girl
Last, but certainly not least, this is Reese. She is the baby of the family. She is also the royalty of the family. She's our sweet and charming little girl who has the innate ability to look beautiful and demure one moment, then suddenly throw you into a head lock and kick your ass the next. For realsies. Don't believe me? Ask her older brother up there. Oh, she looks all innocent up there in her flowing white frock, but did you see that gun? Yeah, you'd better recognize.

Reese is such a force in our house and for that, we couldn't be more grateful. She gets her southern charm from her birth mama (Hello Keely!), her rebelliousness from her birth father (Hello Tim!), her secret stash of action hero figures from her big brother (don't worry, I'll never rat you out to Henry) and her deadly aim from her father.

Awards and Recognition

Okay everyone, it’s time to slap on your Spanx, head on down for a spray tan and whiten those teeth. It’s the official award page at the Steenky Bee.

Let me begin my speech by saying that I am honored to be recognized by my peers in the blogging world. I get all squealy and giggly when I receive an award and do that little tiny, fast clap thing really close to my face in a fit of excitement. With most of these awards, the rules state that I must pass them on to other worthy bloggers. But, in order to preserve my sanity and not pace the room worrying that I might be overlooking wonderful talent or a dear friend, I have taken a page from one of the bloggers who does it best, and have created a home for awards and recognition to reside and allow them to rest in peace. *I hope you'll forgive me*

That picture of Sly Stallone right there? It has absolutely nothing to do with this page whatsoever. It's just there to remind you of what the definitioin of "casual awesome" is.


Given to me by the lovely Jessica at La Fin DuMond Farm

Given to me by Good Father.

My first award! From Stephanie at Mama Still Wears Gucci!

I don't recall who passed this on to me. (Sorry)

I don't recall who passed this on to me. (Sorry)

I don't recall who passed this on to me. (Sorry)

I don't recall who passed this on to me. (Sorry)

I don't recall who passed this on to me. (Sorry)

*Note* During my hiatus from blogging in 2009, I accidentally deleted many award badges from my blog when I was cleaning up my template. Any awards that are missing here fell victim to my fast fingers and the delete button.