My Muffin Will Do What?

The other night Jeremy slipped into bed after putting a long day in somewhere. He claims it was at work, but I have my doubts. The grass stains on his dockers and the golf clubs in the back of the truck were a dead giveaway. Busted. So anyway, as he laid down next to me I see a confused look cross his face.

Jeremy: What IS that? (Jumping out of bed and ripping the covers back to inspect his side of the bed)
Me: Oh, yeah, that. I let Henry eat a blueberry muffin this morning. On yourside of the bed.
Jeremy: .... (saying nothing, just giving me a disaproving look while dramatically swiping crumbs from the bed)
Me: (laughing)

Fast forward to five minutes later, after all the crumbage had been swept away and Jeremy's comfortably nestled in bed...

Me: Um, Lover? Would you mind scratching my back? I'm all itchy tonight.
Jeremy: .... (again, saying nothing and probably giving me another disaproving look in the dark)
Me: Pleeeeeease?
Jeremy: Why don't you just roll around on the crumbs? It could be like one of those exclusive treatments you have done at a spa only your muffin will do all the work.

Educational Wiz

Turns out I'm a whiz with the cheese wiz stuff.

Lately, we've been teaching Henry his letters by squirting canned cheese on to crackers. Mom of the year, I know. I actually thought that I was sort of clever working learning into a fun activity until my dear friend Julee told me about her sister/friend, Penny. Apparently super-mom Penny takes her children on field trips to places that begin with a certain letter to drive home the learning experience. For example, if the letter is 'K', the kids go on an excursion to Krispy Kreme.

I saw Penny last night and complimented her on her creativity. She was all, "Whatever! I would have never thought of using Cheeze Wiz!"

Thanks for trying to be nice, Penny. Well, maybe when you get to the letter 'C' you can use my cheese and crackers idea. Or when you get to 'P' for processed, or 'U' for unhealthy.

I say, canned cheese and crackers are easier and they make Henners happy. Maybe in the fall I'll do the field trip thing, but for now, the boy gets a processed non-dairy product on a Ritz.

Anyhoo, (did I just type anyhoo?) Henry loves to shout out letters that he wants me to draw on these little crackers. His favorites include 'H', 'O', and 'M'. But lately his requests have become a little more demanding and complicated.

Witness the canned cheese 'Star'.


Here's the canned cheese 'Spongebob'.

Here's Henry eating the canned cheese 'Spongebob'.

Now, just where do you think Penny's going to take her kids to demonstrate THAT lesson? Thanks for having me over last night, Penny. I had fun. I can't wait to see my new purse!

Gooey Goodness

Last weekend we went camping again. Surprise, I know. But it was 'The Weekend of Jen'*, as Jeremy put it. This meant that I was able to pick whatever activity I fancied. So, of course, it was camping with my family.

*Jeremy would like me to point out that it is frequently 'The Weekend of Jen'. I would like to point out that Jeremy has golfed once or twice a week since the end of April. There. We're even.

What's the first thing you do when you set up camp? Make a fire, of course. Gaze upon Jeremy's masterpiece of kindling, old gym socks and Vaseline. (He added the last two ingredients this trip and he was so excited about the results.)



Henry acted as a fire tender the entire night. He added so much wood that we eventually had a bonfire.

See how proud he is of himself?

Reese and I enjoyed the campfire.

She became mesmerized by the flames.

Way mesmerized.

The second thing you do when you set up camp? Have a staring contest with your dog.

Maxie was unable to hold Jeremy's gaze for long. He quickly became bored and licked himself.

I began to get the itch for a smore. Here's what I look like wondering if I should have a delicious chocolaty treat so close to bedtime.

Jeremy jumps into action and begins making me a smore. Here he is directing the whole operation. He was in charge of the chocolate, Henry was in charge of the marshmallows and Reese was in charge of the graham crackers.

Somehow, the marshmallows all found their way into Henry's mouth. Whoopsie.

And Reese really wasn't too reliable with the crackers either.

I thought I saw some incriminating evidence on Henry's face.


A close inspection confirms my suspicions. Also, it shows that the smoke is hard on Henry's eyes.

Reesie was busy trying to down her evidence as quickly as she could.


Somehow, Jeremy was able to pull it off himself. (Note: for future reference, any pictures we take while camping that involve food at all, know that Batty WILL be in the background somewhere.)


Picture perfect, fat filled yummers.

See how happy I am while eating this classic camping treat?

Oh, yes. I am definitely so pleased with my hand crafted smore.

You should know that I had the 'happy smore face' around four or five times that night.

Emergency Roughage

So today I'm at work. I've just returned from a super fun Memorial Day camping trip that I'll tell you about some day. I leave for lunch and come back to ten voice mail messages on my business phone. Hello. Even my dear friend, Sara made a comment about it.

I check my messages. I know three of them are old since I haven't deleted them from last week. However, two of the new seven are from my mom and she sounds panicked. I wish I could help you all visualize her panic, but I just can't. Her voice goes up an octave higher and she starts to sound almost a little like she's scolding you. It's actually kind of cute. Next time one of you guys are around me and my Mom at the same time, remind me to tell her something that might panic her. You'll see what I mean.

Anyway, I then see my cell phone and notice that I also have message from my Mom there. Now I'm starting to panic. Did something happen? Are my parents all right? We saw them the night before around 7:30 pm and they seemed fine then.

I listen to her voice mail message on my cell phone and the panic has been replaced by a little bit of anger. Uh oh. She's now upset I haven't returned her phone call.

I dial her at work and she cheerily picks up when she sees me calling in. I then get a worried, "Are you okay? I was worried. I thought maybe you guys all had...you know...maybe a gas leak at your house or something. That stuff will just put you to sleep!"

Gas leak? Seriously, Mom. That's where you're mind went?

"I'm alive and at work," I tell her. I then clarify that that's not necessarily the same as being ALIVE! at work. It's the Tuesday after a three day weekend so I'm kind of dragging.

She then tells me (very sweetly, I might add) that I don't really understand how upset she and my Dad get when they can't reach me. (FYI: Jeremy or I typically talk with one of my parents every 30 hours or so. But this two hour stretch where she couldn't reach me really sent her reeling. Read on to find out why.)

I interrupt her before she can get another sentence out to remind her of the summer night in June 2007 when Jeremy and I called my parents within a five hour span and didn't hear back from them. Not a big deal right? Yes it was. See, the five hour span started at 5:00 pm. My parent's curfew is 8:00 pm max. They just aren't night owls. If they aren't in by 8:00, they're either with us or they are in a ditch somewhere.

I then remind her that we left them so many, many unreturned voice mails. We called hospitals within an hour's drive of their house. We called the police department. At 10:00 at night,we called anyone we thought that could have seen them within 24 hours. No one had seen them for a few days. I remember Jeremy and I deciding who would drive up to their house, a 45 minute ride, to see if everything was okay. Jeremy didn't want me to go because we were both worried what we might find. The Brigham City police dispatcher on duty even knew my folks and told Jeremy that I was to call them before I went into their house and they would escort me in. We were terrified.

Turns out, when I was only 10 minutes away from their house, my Mom called and told me they had been at the hospital with a friend who had suffered a stroke that day. They didn't think about calling us to let us know where they were. Ever since that day we have insisted they carry a cell phone, that is on and operating with them.

My mom remembered this story and kind of laughed it off. "Oh, well," was all I got. I think I actually even heard her rolling her eyes over the phone.

She then told me that she was desperately trying to get a hold of me because she was having sort of a "salad emergency". Turns out, she wanted a recipe for a green salad that I had prepared a few weeks earlier. All this fuss for some greens.

I then tell her, "Thanks. This is totally going on the blog, you know."

Oh, Mom. I definitely love you.

Ogden Can Be Awesome: Installment 2

So after all the fishing we did in our first installment of Ogden CAN Be Awesome, we decided we had worked ourselves up an appetite. We were also feeling warm feelings for Ogden so we opted to hit up one of Ogden's finest burger joints, Dylans. We took our food with us to the beloved Dee Memorial Park for a picnic. If anything typifies Ogden, it's the Dee Memorial Park. First of all, it has the name "Dee" in it. Lots of things in Ogden have that name in the title. Second, it's a park for kids and families that has no playground equipment what so ever. Ogden. Awesome.

Here I am enjoying my first bite of my bacon cheeseburger.

Jeremy also loves his burger selection.

Henry seems pleased as well.


Reesie watched us as we ate. I think she was trying to give us dirty looks, but the sun made it seem as though she was smiling. I just rolled with that. She's not to jazzed about all the pureed food she eats lately. She's thinks she's ready for bigger and baconier things.


Can't you see the longing for pork in her blue eyes?

Aw. Defeat. She knows it's vegetable medley for her.

Henry thought he'd be fancy while he ate his fries.


Again, Reesie longed for a french fry. Sorry little one, not today.


After lunch, Henry thought it would be awesome to start a fire with two sticks. This kept him contained for about two minutes, so we just let him go at it.


Unsuccessful. Darn it.


We then noticed we had a few visitors.

Then a few more. The Dee Memorial Park was starting to look like a John Woo film. (lots of white birds, get it? Rent his films, you'll notice the doves.)

However, these were no doves. They were seagulls and they wanted our food. Henry obliged them with the throwing of french fries.

The gulls weren't too aggressive. They wouldn't get very close to us. They must not be city gulls.

Hey, did you notice the mail trucks in that last picture? This may not seem significant now, but stay tuned. Here's a closer view of the trucks.

Another oddity we noticed? Jeremy's shoes. Check out that rainbow! He wondered why they were so cheap at Big-5. Now we know.

Here's me and Henry making fun of Dad and his shoes.

Here's Henry and Grandpa stopping to "just think about it."

Thinking makes Henry tired.

We decide to lay down to cuddle. Henry keeps one eye on the mail trucks.

Now both eyes on the camera.

Henry's restful period lasted for about four minutes. We were off to explore what else the park had to offer. We didn't walk very far before we found this! Ogden's version of Stonehenge.


More of the historic Stonehenge.

Upon closer inspection, I noticed that this area must have been set up for some Pagan ritual game of checkers or chess. Who in Ogden plays chess? Notice the rudimentary tables that were built for such activities. This must have been erected tens of years ago. Time has taken its toll on this relic.

Time and gangs in Ogden.

We also came across a tree growing sideways.


Henry tried out the tree.


Meanwhile, back at base camp where Dad, the Grandparents and all the blankets were, Reesie was working her cuteness to her advantage.


Yep. Totally winning the crowd over.

Next, Reese decided to explore the park from the ground up. Here she is enjoying some tummy time.


Hey everybody. Come see how good I look.


Way good.


Way gooder. (not a word, I know)

After all the looking good on the ground, Reesie and I decided to cuddle.

And as typical, the boys engaged in feats of strength. Here's Henry proving he's awesome at hanging from things.


Here's Jeremy proving he's good at cheating at hanging from things.


Here's Reese and me cheering them on.


More cheering.


After Henry did the "in your face" dance to Jeremy for winning the feats of strength competition due to Jeremy's blatant cheating, Henry decided he'd had enough and headed for the truck.


Wait up, little man! Dad's got to pack our stuff up. Here he is packing.

Whoa! The mail trucks have multiplied! We weren't too sure what was up with all the mail trucks. But we were even more suspicious of all the mail carriers that were lunching just next to us. I didn't dare take their picture because I was worried I would be somehow committing a federal offense. Also, you could hear them laughing. Mailman jokes? Their laughter sounded meniacle. (Wow, I really have to start using that word more often.)

I did, however, get a closer look at some of their dealings. This guy kept moving bags from his truck into a few other trucks. Has anyone else seen the Seinfield episode where Newman and Kramer use the mail truck to deliver empty soda bottles and cans across state lines to collect the deposit money? They do it Mother's Day weekend, the "Mother of all holidays."

I just thought you should know, the mail carriers were drinking a lot of canned soda. You should also know it is Mother's Day weekend. You heard it hear first.