September 25, 2008

The Spin Cycle: My Truth Bombs and a Weekend With Sylvester Stallone

Today I’m participating in the Spin Cycle hosted by the divine Sprite’s Keeper. I’ve been lurking these group blogging topics on her site for a while and decided that it was getting a little creepy to just keep stalking her. The topic this week is Confessions. Could I have picked a better week to join? I don't think so.

I’m not going to unload some deep, dark secret on you. There will be no truth bombs here today. I think I’m only up for a truth grenade or two. Wait. Is that worse? I don’t know. Either way, someone’s losing a limb.

But first, allow me to ramble slightly-off topic.

If anyone knows what it’s like to be unsettled by an unsuspected truth bomb, it’s me. A few months ago, Jeremy turns to me and starts telling me how much he likes Sylvester Stallone movies. What? He waits eight years into our marriage to lay that nugget on me? You should have seen how excited he was. I was stunned. I could see his lips moving but the shock of his love for all things Sly Stallone forced me into some slow motion tunnel moment where I could no longer hear the words coming from his mouth. I was snapped back into reality when I heard him quoting the Italian Stallion. He was all, “Adrianne! Adrianne!”

I looked at Jeremy and calmly told him I needed a moment. I excused myself and retreated to the bedroom where I huddled in the corner and just sort of rocked back and forth. After I regained composure, I went to our local Blockbuster and rented Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot and Over The Top. I swear to you, these were the only Stallone films they had in stock. (And by “only” I mean, the two worst picks I could find.)

Together we watched those movies that night in an effort to cure his case of Stalloneitis. It backfired on me, big time. For the next week, Jeremy walked around the house wearing his baseball cap turned backwards and challenging me to arm wrestling matches.

But this post is about MY truth bomb, or truth grenade, not my husband's. And since I’m not giving you anything too scandalous, I’m offering you a short list of my harmless confessions.

Jen’s Truth Grenades:
1. I have a woobie. It’s a blanket that I love. I wrap it around my waist when I get home from work and wear it around the house. I’ve been known to wear it outside in our yard and even to a few family functions.
2. I acquired this woobie less than a year ago.
3. I purposely watch some television programs on our wide screen television so that the actresses look wider than they actually are. This makes me feel better about myself. I am not alone in this. Mydogumentary does this too.
4. I know way too much about everything Spongebob. I completely identify with Plankton.
5. It takes me two hours to get ready in the morning. I’ve tried to work on my shower, hair and make up routine to see what I can omit or refine. I just can’t seem to shave off any time.
6. I don’t think I’m pretty.
7. I didn’t write that last one just so you would tell me that I’m pretty.
8. I often feel insignificant around my best friends. I just look at them and think how smart, beautiful, kind, generous and funny they are. I wonder what Sara, Julee and Roslin see in me.
9. I really want The Simpson's DVD collection for Christmas. This isn't so much as a confession as it is a hint. My family reads this.
10. I don’t like seeing a stranger’s feet. Especially if you’re a man who also happens to be a stranger.
11. I talk to myself. All the time.
12. I don’t hold grudges. I forgive and forget. But if you hurt me bad enough, you'll never get a piece of me back. I save that piece for myself.
13. The most comforting sound to me is my dad’s voice on the phone.
14. I saw a therapist for the first time this week.
15. I felt invigorated when I left his office.
16. This list isn’t very interesting.
17. I may have forgotten some of my times tables.
18. I am not anal about anything. For realsies. I’m embarrassed about this. I’m not complacent or careless. I’m just not anal.
19. I have two stray hairs on my chin.
20. I don't dislike Sylvester Stallone as much as I claim to.


Captain Dumbass said...

Oh Girlfriend! Once I get the kids to bed, watch Grey's and have a good cry, I'm soooo coming back here!

Anonymous said...

I can identify with everything on your list except 18. I am SO anal. Just ask John. If you have a couple of hours and need a nap. Great spin! (I love lists. Especially when you continue the same thought on the next line. Ingenius and skimping on subjects, love it!) You are SO linked and welcome to the Spin Cycle! (And from only seeing half your face on your profile pic, I think you're beeootiful!)

The Stiletto Mom said...

I didn't think it possible, but I think I heart you even more than yesterday. First, I would kill for your blue eyes and hair and that are adorable. (even though you didn't want to hear it...shoot me, I'm a compliment rebel) But most importantly, I also have a woobie. He is a full length body pillow. His name is Phil. And I love him and shall never give him up, never ever.

Captain Dumbass said...

Ok, so now it's after 11 and I'm vehklempt and I have a little boy to take to school in the morning so this will have to wait until tomorrow.

Anonymous said...

You and I could be besties. For realsies.

DeeMarie said...

We're Spin Cycle first-timers together!! Does Jeremy know that Sly is REALLY short? In most movies they have to put other people in holes so he appears larger than life. Thanks for sharing your truth bombs. I'm sure you're absolutely gorgeous!!

DeeMarie said...

Oh, and I feel totally insignificant around my BFF too. She's beautiful and intelligent and couture. And I'm from the sticks. For absolute realsies! I think I make her laugh so she keeps me around. :)

Anonymous said...

Wait, what about your fear of phallic-shaped food?

Rhea said...

I hate Spongebob, but I like that you identify with Plankton. lol

Congrats on winning my book giveaway! I enjoyed your truth grenades...and your husband is hilarious.

HeatherPride said...

I think it's pretty obvious why your best friends keep you around -it's because you rock!!

I'm so glad your appointment went well, btw!

for a different kind of girl said...

I am with you in solidarity on the talking to myself (constantly!) and the chin hair. Stay strong in the truth!

Captain Dumbass said...

Ok, I'm awake and the rest of the house is sleeping (please let it last, please). Unfortunately I've totally lost what I was going to write last night. After GI Joe kissed Dr. Yang I was just too giddy to think straight. Ooh, you just left a comment on my blog, spooky. Or not.
Hmm, guess I'll just bounce off your post and leave a gigantic and annoyingly long comment other people will have scroll past to see their own and be all like, who does this guy think he is? And what's up with that dumb avatar? And who came up with the name avatar anyway? Sounds like something Odysseus had to fight after battling the Cyclops. And wouldn't that be cool to actually BE a cyclops? No one would have to ask you what your eye colour is because your eye would be gigantic and you could be all like, dude, are you blind? My eye is freaking gigantic. And maybe do some parenting and teach your kids that it's rude to stare? God, they'll let anybody have kids! Oh hey, now I have a 3 year old in my lap. And speaking of little boys, let me explain Jeremy and Sly to you. Jeremy has a penis. That alone should be enough, but obviously from your post it isn't. When we were young Sly was John Rambo and Rocky Balboa. He is forever bonded with our psyche like Arnie or Officer John McLean. Don't question it, just except. (Damn it, everybody's up now) Ok.

1. My MIL wears something that looks much like a blanket so if anybody actually questions you about your woobie you can just tell them you're originally from Thailand. Or just tell them to piss off.
3. Blah blah blah blah wide screen tv blah blah blah blah.
5. My routine seems to take longer than wifey's and that can't be right.
6. Look at your picture! (I do, all the time...allllllll the tiiiiime...) Look at that hair! Big curly hair is hawt! Like Kerri Russel or that chick with the big Greek last name from CSI: New York
10. A lot of people have really ugly feet so that's ok.
11. Nothing wrong with that.
14. All serious now, I'm so happy for you. Seeing a therapist was probably the best thing I've ever done for myself. I takes a lot of guts to finally do it so good for you. I think everybody, EVERYBODY could use a few sessions.
16. Yes it is.
17. That's what calculators are for.
19. I have THOUSANDS of stray hairs on my chin. Tens of thousands.
And now, because apparently my children are too young to walk to school themselves, I have to go.

Tuesday Girl said...

I love this list. I am wondering why you wear your woobie around your waist. that is not a good look. Just hide it under your pillow like me!

David Ebright said...

You're right - you picked THE 2 WORST Stallone flicks. After Rocky 1 - that was enough Stallone, though he did a good job sounding like he was from South Philly.

Chin hair - No big deal - I've had hair on my chin for 35 years - now it's turning gray. Speaking of gray - my wife watches Grey's Anatomy. I mistakenly thought that if I bought her the CDs from all of the previous seasons, I could avoid it. No such luck - had to endure 2 hours of it last night.

Have a good weekend.

Mama Dawg said...

4. I know way too much about everything Spongebob. I completely identify with Plankton. in this regard. Totally. Plankton is soooo me.

Oh and Captain, what's with the RED crawly thing on your avatar? You're making my head hurt with all these weird crawly things. Is it a toupee? Cause if that's the case, just quit shaving.

Oh and can't you totally picture Captain Dumbass as Squidward?

Anonymous said...

Glad you finally joined the spin (this is only my third week so I'm hardly a veteran).

Isn't it awesome how HD makes even the waifish girl look fat? I LOVE it.
OMG, I love your Jeremy's truth bomb, that is truly awesome. Jamie once told me he thinks Rosanna Arquette is hot. And Cheryl Hines. He also watched Crossroads with it muted so he could watch Britney. Our Netflix queue has things in it like "New York Minute" and I didn't put them in there.
I have a teddy bear that I acquired when we were dating that I can't sleep without.
Ok, my flight is boarding, that's all the truth you're getting out of me today.

Jenni said...

Too funny!

My huband's truth bomb came shortly after we got married (or possibly engaged? can't quite remember.) He said something like, "Now that we are married/engaged, I have something to tell you. I hate whole wheat pasta and brown rice and I never want to eat them again."

Because, whole wheat pasta and brown rice are DEAL BREAKERS, right?

Also, I have a loooong silver hair (I call it a granny hair) on the inside of my right elbow.

Anonymous said...

LOL!!! Honey you know what - you are human and a real woman at that! Nothing to hide and just say it as it is!

Glad to see you joined the Spin - it's fun isn't it?

Anonymous said...

I like it and I will be back. You are on my blog roll.
I love the honestly of your post but where we differ MAJORLY is I am very anal.
Oh…………………. who lives in a pineapple under the sea....... absorbent and yellow and porous is he......if nautical nonsense be something you wish.......then drop on the deck and flop like a fish!!

steenky bee said...

Totally a Squidward! You called it, Mama Dawg!

Anonymous said...

You only have 2 stray hairs? I've got like 35--I've got names for all of them! And thanks for the link! I feel like you and I are kindred spirits--I stalk people's how I met my husband (He just doesn't know that!)

Unknown said...

My son (and me by proxy) loves Spongebob. Did you know that if you have 'on demand' with comcast (not an ad, just a fact) you can watch the same episode again and again and again...

Don't worry, I bet your friends read your blog and think the same thing about you.

Yeah, feet. Keep them covered until I get to know you people.

Anonymous said...

No no no no. You forgot all aboot Rhinestone. The Sly Stallone movie where he attempts to become a country singer. It's AWFUL.

Also - My husband has the theme song to Rocky on his ipod and also burned to several CD's and I never can remember which ones have it so I'll be driving along and suddenly hear that song at top volume. Gr.

Love your list. I really want to comment on each item individually, but since SOMEONE already left a super long comment, I will just say - You are gorgeous. And I also LOVE therapy. And Spongebob. And hate all feet (including my own). It's like we're twins.

HarryJack's Mom said...

Hi Jen, great first Spin! Thanx also for the sweet comment :-) I'm too lazy to read it all right now, but looking forward to it! How did you spend 8 years with him and not know? I know you asked yourself that as well, but I think some stupid Rocky quotes have been a part of almost every event of our lives (rolling eyes, here). Of course, my DH is currently watching a cow auction for some torture on a Friday afternoon - eek! Hope the therapizing goes well. Happy weekend :-)

Ali said...

i love spongebob squarepants. in an unhealthy way. and no, i'm not embarrassed about it.

i love you truth bombs. awesome.

Kat said...

I think I am a plankton. My husband by the way, he can quote every episode of spongebob. KiKi's 3rd word? Spongebob (which sounded like sup-pob) Anyways I came by originally to tell you that my Saturday morning mix is just for you. :) Cause I know you and I are soul sistas when it comes to Metallica. One of these days I have to tell you about the Shwanns man incident.

beth said...

I have to figure out how to take longer getting ready; that sounds like so much more fun than my "blow and go" routine.

Captain Dumbass said...

He HAD a squid on his head, kind of appropriate for Sponge Bob. And don't be jealous of my SUPERGIGANTICOR comment, it just means I love Jen the mostest. Suckas!

I soooo want to run with that 'blow and go,' but I won't.

Anndi said...

I have a woobie... and I sleep with it. His name is Lynyrd.

"I don’t hold grudges. I forgive and forget. But if you hurt me bad enough, you'll never get a piece of me back. I save that piece for myself."

Were you in my head this morning?

Wendy said...

Oh I'm so glad I came over here! We have a woobie too, except it's the pacifier. I think it came from Wendy + Boobie?

I can identify with you on so many of these. All in fact except for the therapist part (and I should see one, I just don't). So many of the other blogs I read *are* anal about things, so it's good to feel like I'm not alone.

And by the way, you're very very pretty. (I've been thinking that a long time, since I saw your face on so many blogs I read.)

Anonymous said...

You make me giggle.

JuleeSLC said...

You made me cry. What do I see in you?! A bestest friend. A confidant. I look at you and wish I had your beautiful curls, warm heart, mean sense of humor, sharp wit and Photoshop skills. I love you because you can keep a secret, listen to my whining and serve as a shining example to me of an amazing wife and mom.

I heart you.

P.S. We're moving and the candy bar poster from the b-day celebrated TWO years ago is going with us!

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