November 12, 2008

Fattie: Week 4 (Jen's Mean Lean Green Shake)

We’re in the middle of week 4 of the HASAY Challenge over here at Steenky Bee. Can you believe it’s been almost a month already? Well, I, for one, can not, mostly because I’ve only been following the rules for about eight days total. And I must say, by selectively participating in this challenge has made it much more bearable than if I would have actually stuck to it every day. I mean, can you imagine four whole weeks of sensible eating and exercise? Sure my guilt level is at an all time high, but man, I have been eating some good food lately.

Actually, I’ve been doing the steps and working quite hard at this thing, but just like religion, money and Fight Club, I don’t talk about it. It’s just poor taste. Also, I like to make Casey think I'm a slacker. At the big reveal at the end, I'll be all, "Ha, suckas! I'm skinny!"

We're having a reveal aren't we? I only signed up because I was promised a big reveal finale and a trip to Florida. I don't really care about my health at all. I just want to meet Casey in person and then ride Space Mountain with her at Disney World.

And speaking of poor taste, have I got a killer health shake for you all to try! (BTW: How did you all like that segway? I worked on it for days. I’m actually quite proud of it. However, in retrospect, I can see that I mentioned the word "taste" over two paragraphs ago. Perhaps my segway wasn't too clever after all. Maybe I'm light headed from my recent bought of fever and all the deep-knee lunges I've been doing. (Not at the same time, of course. Now that would be in poor taste.)

Okay, so back to the health shake....if you’re like me, and pray that you’re not, you have a difficult time getting your daily serving of vegetables. Also, if you’re like me, you prefer to call vegetables, "veggies". This shake will help you take care of some of your veggie requirements for the day. I drink one every morning before I leave the house. I am addicted to it. This shake fills you up and is rich in fiber and nutrients. Pinkie swear, it is.

Ingredients:
4 ice cubes
4 oz of water
1 apple (including skin, no core or seeds)
¾ banana or 1 small banana
5 fresh mint leaves
5 large kale leaves (omit the stalks, just tear the leaves away)
1 large handful of fresh spinach

Directions:
Blend apple (cut into chunks with skin still on), water and mint leaves in blender. Add banana and ice cubes next. Last, kale leaves (torn from stalks) a little bit at a time. Finally, throw in large handful of spinach leaves.


Warnings:
1. I guess I should have warned you ahead of time, but this shake is sort of chewy (add more banana if the consistency freaks you out and if you are a giant wuss and can’t chew a shake.)
2. Also, the kale and spinach leaves are extremely tough on the blades of the blender. You can invest in a heavy duty blender that runs upwards of $300 or you could go through four blenders priced at $60 a piece like I have. Who said I’m not money savvy?
3. Check your teeth in a mirror or at least have a very non-judgmental friend near by who will check them for any stray green residue left behind. I’m not saying this happened to me, but someone I know was very embarrassed at a morning marketing meeting when her boss pointed out that she had something green in her teeth at 9:00 am even though she checked the mirror beforehand.
4. This shake is not for the easily disrupted digestive track either. The whole purpose of the Mean Lean Green is to aid in digestion.

So, in summation, if you are afraid of chewy, green shakes, don’t have a reasonably decent blender, are self-conscious about your grooming habits and are prone to the runs...then perhaps this shake IS NOT for you.

All you others, DRINK UP!

Not sure what HASAY is? Click here.

My other Fattie updates can be found here:
Week 1
Week 2
Week 3

64 comments:

Heinous said...

FIRST!!!

apathy lounge said...

I was all about writing this thing down and giving it a try. And I could care less about the blades on my blender, but I'm not down with a chewy shake. Nope, not me.

Heinous said...

That's not for me. That looks more like what they used in the inquisition to get those witches to confess. I'm all for you drinking it though.

Laufa said...

I'm not so good with the whole green edible drink. It's like that green Ketchup that was popular for a while. Yuck! I will spinach and kale with salt and pepper as usual. Banana and apple I can do, maybe add a benefiber yogurt to it, to balance out. Way to go on the 3 pounds - that seems to be the magic number lately.

Shan said...

I was JUST thinking to myself "I could really go for a shake I need to chew right about now..." Enter this recipe! Thanks pal! All the rest of the hookers will be jealous when I roll up all svelt and what not. They be all "damn girl how you be lookin all good" my answer will simply be "hookin aint easy yo". And thats how it goes.

Keely said...

I hope you got a youtube video up of you drinking it for the first time. I mean, you hurled, right?

HeatherPride said...

MMMMMMmmmmm, kale, spinach, mint and banana? With a side of apple? Just what I always wanted! Hey, pass me a funyon while I think on that combo...

Twenty Four At Heart said...

I don't think you should make a career in sales. A chewy green shake of kale first thing in the morning? Green bits stuck in your teeth for days? Um, yum???

Cat said...

It looks just like a St Paddy's Day shake from McDonald's. Something tells me it might taste a bit...kale-ier. I'm too lazy to make things with a blender. I might just snack on some spinach/banana sandwiches for breakfast.

Sprite's Keeper said...

You know, I was all about the shake until you mentioned it was chewy. That kind of threw me off..
But, I'm up for anything!

Captain Dumbass said...

Chewy, mmm mmm good. Nothing I love better than a chewy drink! I think I'll stick to my smoothies, and my smoothies RAWK! Granted there's not a lot of veggies in them, but sometimes I throw in some and blend the hell out of them to fool the kids.

Heather said...

Ewww...I don't think I could stomach drinking something "green"! I think I'll stick with my pot of coffee and call it a diet plan. Since, I have to run to the bathroom at least 5 times in the morning! :)

Casey said...

If the only reason you're doing this crap is to meet me, come on down. We can go on Space Mountain and then head to the Cheesecake Factory. Screw the diet. Also, before I scrolled down, all I saw for the shake ingredients were icecubes and water and I thought that was your big bright idea. Nicely done. Way to lose the flu weight!

Tricia said...

You're drinking alien vomit and calling it veggies? Jen, we've gotta chat. If you're going to mix it up in a blender, it should at least look like chocolate.

Always Home and Uncool said...

After my recent experience with a detox diet, let me say this: veggies should be chewed, not sipped. Ever.

Maggie May said...

those kind of shakes are so good for you and you actually get to a point where you WANT one! really!

ChurchPunkMom said...

here's to your mean green shake-shake!! ;)

i still have a hard time drinking odwalla's superfood with my eyes open...

fairyflutters said...

LOL! What a funny post. :)

I don't know if I could chew a shake but it sure was a pretty color. ;)

Keep up the good work!!! I don't always follow rules either.

Cape Cod Gal said...

I do stuff like this, but only at night or on the weekends. I have a rather vocal stomach and there is nothing worse than being in a meeting with a noise maker. That is alot of fiber girlfriend!

DeeMarie said...

It all sounds good, except for the banana. I don't do bananas.
But if I head to Florida to meet you and Casey and you make one, I promise I'd totally drink it. Cuz that's how much I love you.

Rebekah said...

It's not necessarily the color green I object to, as much as the loss of translucency. Green AND cement? That's just no longer a beverage.

goodfather said...

Mmmmm, the shake looks DELICIOUS! I would chew through that faster than 22 people could comment on your blog. Well, OK, nothing is THAT fast.

Isn't the 'big reveal' from that horrible show 'The Swan'? My wife and I had a romance with that thing for as long as it was on. It was hideously beautiful, or hidutiful. If that's a word.

GreenJello said...

I absolutely LOVE green smoothies. And it's totally worth investing in a VitaMix or BlendTec blender-- then you won't have to chew your shakes when you make it with one of the Professional Quality Pulverizers.

Khadra said...

ummm, well, it's a pretty color....

chewy shakes I could handle, as long as the chewies were pieces of candy bar or cookies. Leaves as chewies in a shake, just not happening here!

Chris Wood said...

I weep for your health, Steenky.

All those veggies? Not good. If you find yourself up at 5am and out jogging, you have only yourself to blame.

Cruel to be kind, that's me.

Robin said...

Wow. I am very impressed. I've been a vegetarian (a veggie?) for 20 years and I gotta tell ya, there's absolutely no way I could get that to go down in the morning. (Probably not at night either... LOL!) If it's not caffeinated or Splendad, forget it. I'm always jealous of people that can do it the right way, spinach in your teeth be damned!

jen said...

we have a vitamix blender thingy.
seriously. expensive but awesome.
i should post about it. you can throw anything! everything! in! there! without chopping! first!
it chews practically anything. the pit of an avocado might be tough.
and it makes bread dough and soup.
ok...that just made it sound weird.

Jenni said...

Could you make dieting any less appitizing?

beth said...

That's the scariest drink I have ever heard of. I'll try it on one of my more adventurous days/

Debbie said...

Kale ...

.... and bananas?

Blech!


You're still sick, aren't you sweetie? I think you should get back in the bed for a while.

blissfullycaffeinated said...

Hey! Welcome back from your sick bed. You know, there's nothing like a good illness to help you drop some L.B.'s. Does casey know that you're cheating by using the Flu as a weight loss aid?

I did write down the shake recipe, but I'm going to apply it to my face instead of drinking it.

Anndi said...

You forgot to warn people who are prone to brain aneurisms that attempting to slurp this up with straw might cause serious damage.

Cameron said...

Does this taste similar to the shamrock shake at Mickey D's around St. Patty's Day? Cuz, if so, I'm all up for that. The bee is back and in rare form, god help us all!

MISSED YOU TOO!!!

Jamie said...

Oh I get it
You are still sick
and your fever is so high that you are delusion and you want us all really think that you actually make that shake and drink, or actually, eat it.

Take some Tylenol and get some rest - It's not good for sick, feverish, unhealthy people to be playing with top of line blenders.
Really - I am nurse, step away from the blender and go back to bed.

Bee's Musings said...

First, I need to know if you’re a speed talker. I know the questions may seem weird but whenever I read your posts, I read them űber fast in my head because that’s how I picture you talk.

Secondly, while that shake sounds OH SO YUMMY, I don’t think I’ll try it because I’m allergic to ice cubes. :o(

P.S.
Will you be changing the name of your blog to Skinny Bee?

Bubba said...

I don't do green, and the picture...No way would could i possibly try that, but i will say the concept of it is, wow.

Lola said...

Sounds good to me, but I'm a freak who thinks spinach or any kind of greens for that matter are the best tasting things on the planet. I kid you not.

I had me some garlicky greens last night and again today for lunch. Popeye's got nothing on me, except maybe a tattoo.

Michele said...

I'm with Jen. This should be a spa treatment.

Vodka Mom said...

Can I add vodka to the shake? That might make it go down better. ANYTHING tastes better with vodka.

Miss Grace said...

Drinking green things sort of freaks me out, but I MIGHT give that a try.

Carolyn...Online said...

It's the cleaning of the damn blender every. single. time. that stears me clear of the healthy shake thing. I'm too lazy for healthy.

ali said...

I've heard that you could put spinach in any shake and not have it taste spinachy. I'm thinking of doing this to my kids chocolate shakes:)

gingela5 said...

Sounds disgusting--but it sort of reminds me of McDonald's Shamrock shake...

for a different kind of girl said...

Oh...um...wow...honey, I so do love you, but I'm pretty sure...nay, I am positive...that I am sure I can't drink that shake. I would like to find a paint swatch that matches that green, though.

I'm so glad you're back. I totally missed you, too!!

Jenni Jiggety said...

Oh man...that does NOT look good. Maybe skip the spinach...and add ice cream?

King of New York Hacks said...

I would drink it but I believe it would make me get a colonoscopy in the near future. I'll wait and see how everyone else reacts LOL

April said...

wow. that sounds like all kinds of disgusting. i think just *making* that shake would keep me from wanting to eat anything.

Sherendipity said...

I don't like it. You can't make me.
It's oogey.

Also, I was having mini heart attacks of longing anxiety while you were gone. I'm glad you're back.

Sammanthia said...

That looks so disgusting... between you and Stiletto Mom, I've dry heaved twice today.
Oh, and here in the south we call it "the trots". I thought you would like that.

TattooedMinivanMom said...

Sounds Delicious! I'm in! I've even got a slogan:

Green,slimy,gritty smut shake!
It's whats for breakfast!

(Cheesy country violin music playing in background.)

Colepack said...

Dude, I can not do a chew shake. Sorry..... good for you for drinking it!!!

mrsbear said...

Wow, just the color...WOW...and you have to chew it?! I'm sold, really, I'm...I dunno, I think just looking at the photo of the green frothy stuff, might do wonders to curb my appetite. Glad you're feeling better!

Miss Jack said...

BTW...the awesomesauce is looking good on your blog. :)

Captain Dumbass said...

I came back to look at the shake. Bet that thing holds some weight, doesn't it. Like you could put something on top, like an egg, and it wouldn't sink.

Live.Love.Eat said...

I would actually really dig this. I used to get smoothies and weird fruit shakes all the time. The greener the better. I will try this in my mixer rather than my blender, this weekend. It's too intriguing not to.

Thanks for sharing and for coming on by, and this is where I call you hooker (in a very nice way)!

Mama Dawg said...

So glad you're back and I missed you!

The Stiletto Mom said...

And everyone thought my post yesterday was disgusting? That shake gets a big no thank you from me. Spinach and bananna don't belong in the same blender...or even the same house. And Kale? I just can't speak of it...

Wicked Step Mom said...

Late to the party, again!

That shake is kind of scary looking. I am so glad that I dropped that 85 lbs and don't need to drink things like that anymore. (I still have nightmares about slimfast shake type drinks...)

Jonny's Mommy said...

Last!

And oh this post was funny.

Yummm...chewy milkshakes!

Shieldmaiden96 said...

Hmmm.

I have a $14 Tar-gey blender, a low threshold for food with inappropriate texture, and a fairly thorough belief that this would give me the squits. Its festively colored, though.

Zip n Tizzy said...

Did you comment anonymously on my blog? Because there's an anonymous comment with mention of a very green smoothie that sounds like this.
Well, whether it was you or not, this actually sounds like an awesome smoothie. I'll have to try it. I'd never be able to get my kids to drink it, but hey, they don't know what they're missing.
And the heavy duty blender was the best investment I've ever made. Use it everyday... it's like the kitchen computer!

ciara said...

is this drink to help get you regular? :-p~~

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