I Can't Believe I'm Not Bitter...About Things Other People Are Having Done to Them With Butter

Remember a few months ago when I entered a contest to become the official blogger at a local spa? Well, I didn’t get picked. I didn’t even make it as one of the five finalists. And the spa, the one whose name I will not say because they’ve already received enough free publicity and buzz from over 20 local bloggers, has yet to find the time to thank the participants or even notify those who were not selected. I discovered I wasn’t on the list from my bloggy friend Connie over at The Young and The Relentless. She didn’t make the cut either and had to hunt down the information from the spa herself.

Honestly, I wasn’t upset that I was not selected as a finalist. The decision was made the by the spa executives and they picked according to their personal preferences. My blog is definitely an acquired taste and I totally understand that not everyone is going to like everything I write.

You know, I can’t help but think the spa owners didn’t pick me because they were a little worried I would spend way too much time in front of the ladies room mirror lip syncing “Renegade” by Styx as I promised I would. Some people are so touchy. And by touchy, I mean lame.

I just re-read the first three paragraphs and I sound extremely bitter up there. Oh well, I’m leaving them the way they are. Meh, maybe I am a little on the bitter side. I’ll admit that on two separate occasions Jeremy and I drove by the spa and I shot that building dirty looks. Also, Jeremy may or may not (but definitely did) shout “SPA WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED, you can suck it!” as we sped by.*

But that’s it. I’m over it already.

Well, maybe not quite. As long as we’re coming clean, I might as well tell you that just this past Tuesday I typed up a false listing in the spa’s name on Craig’s List under the “Casual Encounters” section. Admit it, you’d do the exact same thing.

Stay with me folks, this is where my story finally gets interesting.

Yesterday I was running the final spell check on my Craig’s List revenge listing while rolling my hands together and doing my best maniacal Muawahaha! laugh when I noticed an email pop up from a stranger named Jodi. The first line in her email read: You don’t know me…and so I am sure this is bizarre that I would be contacting you….

People, if you ever want to get my attention, these are the exact words you should write or say to me. I also respond well to Listen up, Hooker!, but you guys already know that.

Anyway, as I read through Jodi’s email I discovered that not only was she was a fellow blogging-sista from Utah, but she was one of the five finalists in the spa contest. Jodi was so sweet and genuine in her email and I was absolutely thrilled that she contacted me. She wanted nothing from me other than to reach out to me, introduce herself and say nice things about Steenky Bee like, Your blog doesn’t suck that bad and I’ve seen way worse hair, I promise.

Well, as you can imagine, after Jodi poured on the sugar like that I was hooked. Had she called me a skank, I would have Googled her home address, driven to her house and kissed her on the mouth. But she didn’t so all I could do was check out her blog. Guess what? It’s adorable. Jodi? She’s even more adorable. I even read the post where she describes the luxurious Body Butter Drench spa treatment she received as one of the finalists. Judging from the photos she put up on her post, I’m almost positive she dropped off a load of laundry while she sautéed herself in trans fats. I’m not judging her. I would have totally done the same thing.

After reading through all the finalists’ posts I made some life-changing decisions.

1. I decided against submitting a revenge listing on Craig’s list for free under “Casual Encounters” for the spa. It was a bad idea from the beginning and I’ve come to the realization that I must take the high road in this matter. As a result, my paid ad in the classified section of Salt Lake Tribune, the one where I advertise the spa in the “Escort Services Needed”, will be running next week.
2. I made myself a heavily buttered grilled cheese sandwich because all the butter-talk had made me hungry.
3. I am throwing my full support behind Jodi for the official blogger at SPA WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED.

So good people, if you have a heart, if you’re fond of butter or even remotely interested in reading about a stranger being rubbed down with a stick of butter, I highly suggest you go here and read Jodi’s clever post about her splendid spa day. Give her a vote. I know I will.

Also? If you can think of any clever insults to shout out the car window at the spa, let me know. I have errands I’m running in that neighborhood tomorrow.

*Jeremy never shouted anything at the spa as we drove by. Even though we both really, really wanted to.