March 16, 2009

Fattie Update: A Time of Reflection

First off, I want to thank everyone for their kind emails last week and throughout the weekend regarding my last post. I was to assure you that I'm doing well and that situation really did spark a pivotal change things in my life for the better. I even have a few amusing stories that came from that experience that I'll have to share with you all some time. Thanks again, everyone. Your words were so kind and meant so much to me.

Now, on to other things.

So, I might not have a HASAY update every week, but you should know that I’m definitely doing the work. I’m huffin’, I’m puffin’ as I’m running…toward the box of brownies in the pantry.

Not really. I’ve actually been pretty good about things as of late. But I thought it important to revisit my fitness goals to make sure I was still on track for my fitness miracle by summer. I went back and re-read this post here where I initially laid out my fitness plan for the HASAY Challenge. I found a few things quite odd. First, in that post, I talked about skanks an awful lot. I also copped to stalking the HASAY founder, and my dear friend Casey with a dead rat. Wow, I used to be really creepy. I’m much better now. I’d never use a rat (dead or alive) as means to get closer to someone. As my mom always says, you can attract more flies with honey not dead rodents. Wait. That doesn't sound right now does it? If anything, it would sixes right? I might give that one a try.

Anyway, please bear with me while I reminisce over my HASAY fitness goals:

Motivation:
Then: Motivated by food, pretty things, shiny things or when people call me names.
Now: Same with the exception of a few things. I now much prefer sparkly things as opposed to shiny things.

Long-term Goal:
Then: To get fit enough to get whistled at when I walk by our local construction site.
Now: The construction on the fire station near our house has already wrapped up. I guess my motivation now would be to have the firemen that hang about the fire station whistle at me.

Long-term Weight Loss Goals:
Then: I refused to state how many pounds or inches I wanted to lose because I was concerned about alienating bloggy friends that follow the “soft metric” system. I then went on to say how I thought that Hard Metric would be an awesome band name.
Now: I still think Hard Metric would be an awesome band name.

Tools Available To Me:
Then: A dusty treadmill, an even dustier elliptical trainer, and a weight machine in the garage. For some reason, I also thought I had dead cats that I could swing about the house. Maybe I was thinking that would give me shoulder definition? Who knows?
Now: My treadmill has been used….some. I think we still have the elliptical trainer. And I’m happy to report that progress has been made on the weight machine in the garage. A month ago Jeremy disassembled it to make room to store an armoire in the garage.

How Often Can I Exercise:
Then: I claimed I would exercise five times a week, but admitted that I would most likely only work out three times a week.
Now: I’m happy to say that I exercise six times a week! But you should know, that I actually only get around to it four times a week. I’ve been jogging our outside trail (picking up stray cats as nap companions) and doing Pilates in our basement. Wait, Pilates is when you fall asleep on the couch in an uncomfortable position and wake up two hours later really, really sore right?

What Do I Plan On Doing:
Then: I vowed to stop eating BLT sandwiches every day. I also thought it would be a good idea to bring a lunch to work in the hopes that a co-worker would steal it from the fridge, thus forcing me to not eat any calories at all.
Now: No more BLTs and I’m happy to report that my lunch has indeed been stolen at work twice. I wound up eating a bunch of junk food those two days, but no one can say that I didn’t reach my goal of lunch theft.

I’ve made it a habit of eating more whole foods, not snacking and have almost cut back entirely of sugary snacks. I also now write my boss's initials on my lunches at work when storing them in the company fridge. Nobody's going to steal his left overs.

What Has Worked For Me In The Past?
Then: I thought if I constantly cruised by high school football practices like I did fifteen years ago that maybe I’d lose weight and get down to the size I was in high school. I also thought about contracting pneumonia I could drop some weight as well.
Now: Well, as good as an idea as it sounded at the time, I’ve decided to not stalk high school boys. Besides, I’ve now got a fire station just one block away, remember? Our family came down with the stomach flu a while ago. I didn't lsoe any weight but I did end up with someone else’s vomit in my hair.

Conclusion:
Well, it looks like I’m still on track for a mediocre change in my body and overall general health. Let this be a lesson for all the kids out there: If you only aim for the middle, and you fall short of your goal, failing won’t hurt nearly as bad. Hey, I’m going to make that into a T-shirt. I’ll wear it when I’m working out. That way, my out of shape body will need no explanation. Awesome.

42 comments:

Dana's Brain said...

Well, even shooting for the middle, I'm impressed. Because I just know I could never, ever, no really, give up the sugary treats. Just not possible. So that in itself is worthy of some kind of congratulatory t-shirt!

Sassypants Wifey said...

I say shoot for mediocre, cause really you will do much better than the slackers, and those who achieve greatness have too much free time on their hands. Totally better to be the happy medium. Better than the losers with less buttkissing, right? I hope you keep coming around. We sure miss ya!

Jenni said...

i'd buy that shirt. sparkly thongs rule.

Jenni said...

i intended to write sparkly things, but thongs is funnier, no?

Mama Dawg said...

I'm so glad you're back.

for a different kind of girl said...

Mmmm...if that is, indeed, the definition of Pilates, then I, little lady, am super limber and stretched out like a Stretch Armstrong doll! Now, someone please bring me your finest meats and cheese...

GreenJello said...

Can't set your goals too high, y'know... just means more disappointment in the end.

But congrats on nixing the sugary snacks. That's a huge win.

Yaya said...

Is is sad that I read this and now can't stop thinking about BLT's??

Cakelet said...

You are totally on your way to being a MILF! I just learned what that means last month and I've been dying to use it in conversation. So thanks for that. Work it, girlfriend!

apathy lounge said...

Bikram yoga is making huge changes in my husbands body. Not that he needed very much, but I'm tempted to join him.

beth said...

Your goals are real and real attainable. Best of luck.

Keely said...

I learn clever things every time I come here. I'm totally writing my boss' initials on my lunch.

Oh, except...sometimes we put laxatives or arsenic into his lunch for shits and giggles.

Okay, well, it was a good idea in THEORY.

Peggy said...

Hilarious!

I just started to read and thoroughly enjoy your blog when you just kind of cut out...

So glad to see you back in town! Ok, that was really dorky...I hope you know what I mean!

whatever, now I'm a stalker! :(

Captain Dumbass said...

What if you dipped the dead rodents in honey. Hmm, if you used a really nice honey and then grilled it... never mind.

We just came home from dinner and I ate so much I took off my pants as soon as I got home. I'm not proud of myself, I'm just sayin.

The Stiletto Mom said...

Wait, I'm in the first 20? I've met one of my goals!!! I like your theory. Personally, I like to set the bar really really low...I'm never disappointed. Hey, it works.

Twenty Four At Heart said...

I went to a store today and I LOOKED at the bathing suits. I didn't try them on. The stress caused by this brief episode burned off 5000 calories. I'm sure of it.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Diets are like death and taxes..

Kat said...

Still waiting on my "That's what she said" shirt.

Susan said...

Your past few posts have been powerful. Strong words. Glad you're back up and writing.

Krystal said...

Hey look - whatever the goals are the important thing is you have goals right? Now, do you think you can set some goals for me? I'm wiped out about now and my mind is mush! I'll heart you forever if you do!!! (I'll still heart you forever if you don't, no worries there)

HeatherPride said...

I'm totally bummed that I had to go on a program to finally start losing some weight. Well, so far I've only lost a pound, but it's progress, right?

Zip n Tizzy said...

I'm aiming for (my) middle, but it's still hanging over my mom jeans.

You inspire me... but not enough to give up chocolate.

Casey said...

I have to admit that I'm a bit disappointed that you won't be using the word "skank" as often. I always thought it was sort of your pet name for me. I'm completely over the dead rat, believe me. Glad to see you're still maintaining. I'm working on perfecting the laptop palates right now.

Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

Can I get one of those tee-shirts please?

Good for you, sounds like you are doing pretty well. Me, I do awesome for, like, two days and then I fall off the wagon HARD. I am surprised you can't feel it where you are.

colepack said...

that shirt would be awesome, through some one your site and sell them..... good for the economy.

Bex said...

"picking up stray cats as nap companions" - that's just as funny the second time around!

Mary Anna said...

Oh so proud of you! Making even one change for the better is victory in my opinion. (Getting up to be at the park to run at 6:45 on a Saturday morning in the freezing cold/rain - that's just me being stupid!)

And, yes - sparkly thongs do rule - but they can put your eye out. (We should all learn from that chick who tried to sue Vickie's Secret for it!)

Cat said...

I saw this shirt I NEED that says: "I'm a quitter". It was made for me.

Cakelet said...

If you want firemen to whistle at you, you can always try just walking past the firehouse and lifting your shirt up. It would probably work best if you were braless. If that is not a viable suggestion, maybe you could settle for them honking the horn on the fire engine? All you have to do for that is pump you arm in the air a couple of times...

zelzee said...

If I had a nickle for every time I went on a diet......
I would have enough money for plastic surgery from head to toe with a personal trainer thrown in!

And some sparkle...............

ChurchPunkMom said...

I love BLTs.

Hi.

I missed you.

DeeMarie said...

What?? You're making more T-shirts? Can I have another one?!?!?!?! :)

lindaloohoo said...

oh, oh, i'm all about the low expectations.

that's all.

i had more, but then i noticed your line telling me to write something funny here and i panicked.

Cathy - wheresmydamnanswer said...

I would say shoot for what works for you congrats on cutting the sugar cord
In my 60lb weight loss struggle / jouney I kept a mantra in my head and said it over and over:
Food will never taste as good as thin feels.

Worked most of the time except when it came to Trader Joes - Joe Joe cookies - once in awhile I caved...

bejewell said...

Atta girl. Leave the EPIC FAIL for those dumbasses who go all in.

shopgirl said...

Oh Stinky Bee - I'm glad you're back - and as usual, funny as ever! Also? I think you need to go into the T-shirt bizness - I'd totally buy your collection!!

And for that my friend - I have given you an award! check it out my friend!

http://missdaisydog.blogspot.com/2009/03/and-award-goes-to-me.html

kel said...

I really need to get going on a fitness plan myself!! I'm jealous!

TattooedMinivanMom said...

Speaking of T-shirts...one of your goals should be getting one of those T-shirts with the hot bikini bod on it with your head sticking out the top. Problem solved...

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