August 29, 2008

The Friday Five

This week's five is kind of messed up. I'll admit it. I couldn't think of a clever list of things to group together so I went entirely the other way. I pulled up my ongoing list of random thoughts that cross my mind, things I jot down that I find amusing. So here goes, the random thoughts that have crossed my mind in the past four weeks.

1. Dancing for your life. I must have wrote this down during So Yo Think You Can Dance. Okay, so I kind of *heart* that show. I think the contenders on that show really do have some talent. This is not to be confused with Dancing With The Stars. While that show IS entertaining, it was created to showcase C-List Celebrities (at best) waltzing about. Before you think I'm looking down on that show, I'm so not. I'm a casual watcher. I admit it.

No, what I'm talking about is SYTYCD. I should be watching it to see the beautiful choreography and the talented dancers. But I don't. I watch the entire season because I absolutely love the elimination night when the six dancers with the fewest votes must preform a 30 second routine for the judges. And it's not even the dancing on that night that I look forward to. No. It's that dramatic moment when the host, Cat Deely, looks square into the camera and shouts that the dancers must "Dance for their lives!"

Now, I fully understand that these dancers are in no mortal danger as they dance about the stage. But wouldn't it be great if they were? Like what if they had to dance over a pit of fire? What if they had to maneuver through lasers set to trigger small needles filled with poison? A little part of me hoped this would happen each week, but alas, it never did. The only crazy thing I saw this season was when America voted shirtless Will off the show. What were you people thinking? He had no shirt. And he danced. With. No. Shirt.

2. I am strangely drawn to David Hasselhoff. Not in a oh-I-think-he's-so-hawt-way, but more in a dude-I-totally-think-he's-going-to-assault-another-cheeseburger way. Jeremy knows this and respects my strange fixation. Right now, as I'm typing this, Jeremy has called my attention to the television to point out to me that the Hoff is on this very minute and he's dressed as Aladdin. Not intentionally. I don't think. But the man is wearing a puffy shirt and a vest. Sadly, this is not the strangest think this man has done. It's weird, but I must stop what I'm doing to view the train wreck that is the Hoff. Did you know that I have touched the Hoff? Well, not really, but I did touch his car. When he specifically told me not to.

3. That's what she said. I might say this much too much. I even wrote myself a note to stop saying it so often. But for me, it's like word vomit. I just can't seem to help myself. (That's what she said)

4. I don't think I'll ever watch Drumline. I don't think I need to qualify this one. I've had plenty of opportunities, but I've always passed. Honestly, I can't think of a single situation when I'll turn to Jeremy and say, "Know what? I'm itchin' to watch a feel good story about a kid that risked it all to be in a high school marching band and learned a little about himself along the way."

5. "I just had to put my fist down, you know? And when I did, it was sticky!" I jotted that gem of a quote down about three weeks ago. I think it was my friend Sonya who said it. I can't recall. Sounds dirty doesn't it? That's why I wrote it down. I do this with almost everything people say. Especially when I hear it on television.

When Sonya said this, she had no raunchy intentions at all. If I remember it right, her arm was growing tired from holding up an easel at work. When she lowered her arm, there was a thick film of goop on the tri-pod's leg. (That's what she said.)


Eternal Sunshine said...

These are funny!

If they truly were dancing for their lives, I might actually find time to watch that show...

I turn almost everything into a "that's what she said" kinda moment. Glad to know it's not just me.

Captain Dumbass said...

I would watch all reality shows if they were life and death. Let's see some reality tv that isn't programmed around liability clauses. Hey stereo-typical gay/lesbian person cast solely for their attitude! See that 1500 pound bear over there? He isn't impressed and he is not politically correct. Welcome to the food chain!

Hey hot chiselled McSexy, ya you look good, but I hope you paid attention in geography. Here's a compass, there's the Gobi desert. You're a million miles from the ass end of nowhere. Good luck!

jenboglass said...

Eternal Sunshine: Maybe we should compare our "that's what she said-ers" some time.

Captain: You know, I often find myself just watching those shows if for nothing else that to just loathe the people on them. I do the same thing with Sean Hannity.

Putz said...

you touched david's car when you were told not too and i was once ooogled by jessica simkins....have you or yours had mountain dew lately?

Kat said...

I love SYTYCD as well. I have it set to TiVo. I watch it on Sat mornings while my husband is sleeping in so I don't have to hear him complain about how lame it is. He just doesn't get what the big deal is (that's what she said).

mae said...

i once put my fist down on the paint "counter" while waiting for, um, paint at the home depot. after a few minutes i felt a burning sensation and realized there was some type of paint stripper spilled there. i remember the paint-mixer-dude (that's an official term) looking at me and sweating profusely while calling over the intercom "i need a manager at paint. now. please." i got $500 in home depot gift cards. so i've got a little scar is overrated.

at least 3 times during the day the sytycd "theme" pops into my head and i MUST sing it out loud. it's like tourettes.

Anonymous said...

OK, I might actually watch one of those dancing shows if there was a possibility of someone getting shot with poison laser darts. Or falling into a fiery pit. That would AWESOME.

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