June 25, 2009

It's Your Birthday

Dear Lover,

Today is your birthday. You’re thirty-four years old and I’m happy to say that I’ve loved you for eleven of those years. The time before that? Meh, you were sort of on your own. I get a kick when you tell me that I’m the best thing to happen to you in the past ten years because before that time you continually remind me that “a lot of cool stuff happened” to you.

Really, Jeremy? I seriously doubt it.

Did anyone shave your head hours before a major family function? Did anyone lock your keys in the truck with the engine running? Twice? And with whom did you secretly watch The Hills?

Jeremy, thanks for being such a wonderful, compassionate, hilarious and wicked hawt companion. If it weren’t for you I would have never heard the phrase, “You must have misunderheard me.” Also? I would never know where my phone charger was hising or exactly where the Yankees sit in the MLB standings. Obviously I can’t live without you.

Honey, I’m sad that we can’t be together today to celebrate your birthday. Apparently your client meeting in Colorado scheduled months ago for this very day takes precedence over the subway sandwich I offered to buy you for your birthday lunch. Maybe it’s better this way. Since we work in the same office, during work hours it’s important that we maintain a professional rapport with each other and keep the physical contact down to the occasional elbow bump as we pass each other in the hall. As an aside, I sincerely apologize for the time I accidentally called you “Lover” when I paged you for a marketing meeting. My bad on that one.

But when you come home tonight you’ll see the cake the kids and I made especially for your birthday. Of course Henners and Reese couldn’t agree on a unified design for your cake so it will be sort of a “Dora the Explorer meets Spiderman” theme. Just what you wanted, I know. Sadly, you will have missed out on the inevitable frosting fight and a spirited battle for dominance of the electric beaters. (Spoiler Alert: Reese will undoubtedly win.)

In love with you always,

Jen

P.S.: I would have called you today to wish you a Happy Birthday but my phone is dead and I can’t find the charger.

39 comments:

Jess said...

Awwwwwwwwwww! Happy birthday to your hunny bunny!

Bex said...

happy bday mr. bee.

"lover, shall we go into the hot TUB?"

http://www.nbc.com/Saturday_Night_Live/video/clips/patio-lovers/275058/

Michele Renee said...

What is it with jobs interfering with birthdays? I hate when that happens. Thirty-four? Sigh.

Twenty Four At Heart said...

Well, that clears things up. The man is damn lucky to have you. I hope he enjoys his cake and has a wonderful birthday!

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

What a sweet tribute.

Ummm. Can I ask a silly question? is Jeremy holding a heart shaped kielbasa in that pic? Don't get me wrong, I'm not hatin on the picture. Smoked meat is totally hot. But I would not want to make the grave error of mistaking a heart shaped Ring Bologna for a heart shaped Kielbasa. That would just be bad form.

Mama Dawg said...

Happy birthday lover!

Oh, wait. That's not his name?

Sprite's Keeper said...

Happy birthday, Jeremy!
Okay, Jen, Jeremy and John's birthdays are on the same day, we both did tributes to them, and we're both named Jen. If our husbands are alike in more ways than this, I'm very afraid for all of us. Oh, wait, there's the hair issues. Oh, shit..

Kristina P. said...

Happy birthday to your hubby!!

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

Happy Birthday to your honey, the outed Hills watcher.

blissfully caffeinated said...

Happy Birthday to your lover. He's lucky to have such a hawt wife, who's a great dancer and has awesome hair by his side.

Soo...who's gonna eat that Subway sandwich now? Because I'm kinda hungry.

Lizgizzy said...

Talk about young love -34 sheesh. Hippo Bird Day Mr. B.

Sassypants Wifey said...

While I love that you are in Colorado and increasing the chances even a little that we might bump into eachother (which would be wildly entertaining, especially considering I really havent planned on leaving the house...) Bummer that you are missing Jerms birthday. Hopefully the Dora Spiderman cake does make up for it.

So were dora and spidey fighting on this cake, cause it is my contention that dora and her GIGANTIC head could take almost any other character. I have no doubt that she is a scrappy little fighter and would use her forehead in a sort of hammer type way and rule the cartoon world. Just sayin...

Captain Dumbass said...

Happy Birthday, Jeremy. Even if you do watch The Hills.

Dana's Brain said...

Happy Birthday Mr. Steenky!! And now I doubly know how cool you are since you and my daughter were born on the same day!

Amo said...

I bet he even loves you enough to put the seat down.

Soooo sweet.

I have to know, where did you find the giant heart-shaped cheeto?!

Bee said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

I can understand you being unable to live without your man. Yesterday, man thought it was bonding time so he sat a talked while I Was trying to see 4 back to back episodes of Less than perfect (reruns of course) so I kept shushing him and he called me mean and I said tough and then we both cried.

He also tells me he lost all his friends once we got married and I say "Yes you did hon because I was your only friend." True story.

GreenJello said...

Happy birthday, Jeremy! I think you should ask Jen to take off her shirt and chop some wood for you.

Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

Happy birthday to Jeremy! (he better get home soon so you can make phone calls!)

Michele said...

That cell phone charge thing makes it obviously you can't live without him.

Happy Birthday Jeremy! Hurry home.

Irish Gumbo said...

(sniff)(snort)(bwaaawwwnnnk!)

You crazy lovebirds, got me all teary...Happy Birthday to Mr. Steenky Bee!

Sal said...

Oh hey, look at that, it's the Hills bus. Jeremy, could you please go see if that is a nail under the tire so I don't have to throw you under there myself...errr, I mean so it doesn't go flat. Those road hazards can be quite the danger.

Thanks.

Lisa (Jonny's Mommy) said...

Hubby and I work in the same office and one time I almost said "Hey, Pookie Bear, do you have my list of stories?"

Whoa. Automatic divorce right there. So, if I ever want out of our marriage, I'll just say "Pookie Bear, line one," over the intercom.

Carolyn...Online said...

Happy Birthday! I'm sorry Dora and Spiderman got it on right on top of your cake.

Sell...Party Of 3 said...

Oh how cute are you two! Happy Birthday!!

supreme leader said...

Happy Birthday Jeremy! Ignore the Captain--you willingly watch The Hills because you're comfortable with your manliness (don't know why but manhood struck me as the wrong word to use here). The Captain used to watch Gilmore Girls with me.

A Lawyer Mom's Musings said...

Teehee. Bet you've heard the term "philanthrower" too. See how much we have in common!

Happy birthday to your hubs.

brian papapapapapapa said...

Ah...you always get the perfect mix of humor and heart...what an awesome tribute.
!!!!

for a different kind of girl said...

I'm late to the party, but please accept my belated birthday wishes! That is one suave lookin' man you've got there. Allow me to clink my glass of Kool Aid to all the lovahs of the world!

Maggie May said...

Of course you can't find the charger!

Happy Birthday Jeremy :)

Vodka Mom said...

i just laughed out loud.


I LOVE i. And yes, Happy, happy day Mr. Bee.

April said...

“You must have misunderheard me.”

i love that!!!

happy bersday :-)

Jenni said...

happy birthday to your mr. and i bet he took your phone charger with him, just so you wouldn't forget why you love him so much.

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

Awwww! Happy (belated) Birthday to your awesome hubby! I love this post!! I missed out since I was vacationing last week in extreme heat with spotty internet connection...remind me to rethink the destination next year. ;)

Khadra said...

Im way late, but happy belated birthday to your man.

Vicki said...

Farkin FUNNY! Happy Birthday Jeremy! pmsl!

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