May 4, 2009

So Long April, You Bitch.

As far as months go, April, you were the worst. And you can suck it.

Work was a nightmare, complete with late night stints at the office, surprise weekend assignments and, my personal fave, last minute PowerPoint presentations. On seven different occasions. You’d think that after the fourth time management approached me and showed an unnatural interest in me or what my evening plans were I would have learned that what they really wanted to know was how difficult it would be to convince me to spend six extra hours tackling a deadline in the office instead of relaxing at home with my family.

Also? It rained on Easter. Not so much you fault, April. This one has Mother Nature written all over it, I know. But still, I find you guilty by association.

And another thing, Jeremy, who has never had to dial 911 in his life, had to dial those digits twice this month. One instance was because of a life-threatening situation with a colleague at work. She’s doing fine now, no thanks to you, April. The second 911 call? Well, that was due to a careless driver who ran herself off an icy canyon road in the snow. Many would say that the driver is at fault, but I say it was April. Icy roads at this time of the year, really April? Come on, spring started over four weeks ago. Enough with the weather already.

Let’s see, how can I forget that my baby girl took a tumble down our cement steps this month, both vehicle registrations were due and three nights IN A ROW one or more of our smoke detectors sounded off sometime around 2:00 am? Awesome.

Also? My four-year old son learned a choice phrase at school this month that was absolutely foreign to me. I even had to look it up online to see what the hell it meant. When I finally did find the definition, I just stared at my laptop for several minutes shaking my head in half disbelief, half embarrassment. I then spent the next half-hour figuring out how to work that phrase into a conversation with management the next time one of them asked me if I could spare a few minutes.

And, my cat died.

That’s right, the month of April killed my cat. I have no other explanation for this. She lived fifteen years as a healthy, happy part of my life and then, for some unexplained reason, other than having feline anemia and hyperthyroid disease, my dear kitty was gone.

Please don’t mock me. Please don’t roll your eyes and say to yourself, she’s only a cat. Meesha was more than that to me, to our entire family. She was with me through the most turbulent part of my life and helped me get myself back to where I was semi-tolerable to be around.

I give Meesha credit for helping me with Reese’s Torticolis physical therapy at home. I would use that cat as a target focal point for Reese to help our baby girl stretch and lengthen her neck and torso muscles. As a reward, when Reesie would twist or bend around far enough, Meesha would allow her to gently grab her fur, her ears or her tail. Meesha never once complained.

We did everything we possibly could to make Meesha's last day with us an enjoyable one. She was bright-eyed, albeit a little slower in her steps. I spent the day with her outside and watched her pounce on bugs, roll in the grass and I rubbed her soft fur as she sunned herself on our porch.

Our home is a bit quieter now, my lap a little colder. Meesha was my partner in crime over here at Steenky Bee. Whenever she saw me reach for the laptop she readied herself to take her usual position on my lap. I eventually grew used to holding my wrists up at an odd angle to accommodate her curled up body as I typed away and posted silly stories about my life. Now, it just doesn’t feel right. I no longer have that warm, purring armrest between me and the keyboard. I’ll miss you, Mimi-girl. This place won’t be the same without you.

I'm so sorry I haven't been by to visit anyone over the past week or so. I hope you'll give me a little time. I look forward to re-stalking you and leaving highly inappropriate comments soon.

77 comments:

Logical Libby said...

April is a bitch in spring's clothing. I have never liked that month. Do you think you can sue?

Sorry about your cat. That is a hard thing to take.

Sprite's Keeper said...

Sorry to hear about Meesha. I hope May is a lot kinder and doesn't bring about as many 911 calls.

Rebekah said...

Ah, CRAP! I know whereof you speak, and so sorry to hear about Meesha. I think 2009 is just giving itself over to the suck. It's like the evil-Jedi-opposite-my-son-keeps-talking-about-blah-blah-Emperor-lightening - I don't hear him exactly, because I'm saying "2009! That's what it is!"

But maybe it's just April.

Have a super-sweet May. And please, for the love of all that is profane, tell us Henners amazing new quote?

Sammanthia said...

I'm so sorry about Meesha. *sniff* Losing a pet is really tough.
I really want to know what it was he said. You really should tease me like that because now I want to say it, too.

jori-o said...

Sorry about your kitty =( You have every reason to be mad at April. October tends to be the crappy month for our family.

Peggy said...

Aw Jen, sorry about your kitty. April does suck! May will bring brighter skies!

Dr Zibbs said...

Come to think of it, April was a real bitch.

Lisa Brandos said...

Let's not forget our taxes! The major suck that is April also brings us to pay more taxes if you are not so blessed with the deductions. Not to mention, all the accountants out there who have to work 10 million hours to get through it all.

Sorry about the kitty. Grief is so hard.

But please come back to us soon. My day is not the same without your inappropriate comments and funny funny sarcasm. Also, could you be so kind as to tell us the kiddos choice phrasing. I have to call the State Department of Revenue to pay them money and I need a choice phrase to say when I hang up!

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

I would never mock a person for feeling sad about the loss of a pet. I don't care if it was a tadpole, there is no such thing as "It's just a (fill in the blank) when a person has a loss. So sorry to hear about kitty and please know that there is solidarity on this end as my March needed a swift kick in the pills. Maybe he and your April could hook up and get the F outta here never to return.

May can only get better. Maybe there's a spa blogging job in your future.

blissfully caffeinated said...

Oh sister, I'm sorry. What a horrible month. I bet June would kick April's ass if you asked nicely and flashed a little cleavage.

As for Meesha, I'm so, so sorry. I know exactly how it feels to lose a cat that you love so much, and there is certainly no reason for anyone to mock your grief. My Rowdy died 5 years ago and I still tear up at least once or twice a month thinking about him.

Hugs to you and I hope May is better.

xoxo

Jess said...

Well, I promise if I come across April again (I am thinking it is going to be around a year or so before I see her) I will be sure to give her the bitch slap of her life. As for Meesha, this story makes me sad. I got some tears actually, but please don't tell anyone. Having six (6) cats in our home (Bobby has 3, I have 2, Krystal has 1) it really makes my heart hurt to think of loosing any of them. I really think you need to go get a kitten like STAT.

Lizgizzy said...

I'm so sorry about Meesha. Friends are hard to lose, furry or not.

Robin said...

Oh, man. What an awful, awful month!
I totally feel your pain. I lost my sweet Cinnamon last year... she was also 15 and had thyroid disease. My poor baby. Losing a beloved pet is beyond heartbreaking. Sending you lots of hugs.

Pearl said...

A cat is never just a cat -- the little buggers are special creatures put here to test our patience, warm our laps, and secretly laugh at us. I'm sorry that Meesha's gone.

And you're right. April was a bitch. I have great hopes for May.

Pearl

Sherendipity said...

I'm sorry about your kitteh. :(

Tracy Lynn said...

Dude, I am so sorry about Meesha. I love my kitties, and my cat, Baby, who was with me when I was drinking, getting sober, insane, and getting sane died a few years ago, it was full of suck and lame. My thoughts are with you, dude.

Mama Dawg said...

I'm actually sitting here with tears in my eyes. I'm so frustrated these days with my geriatric blind cat cause he's pissing all over the floor. Then I come and read this and I realize that as long as he's still purring, I'll clean up his piss any day and will never complain again. Cause that means he's still with me. I'm not ready to let go yet.

My sincere sympathies are with you.

Lisa (Jonny's Mommy) said...

I am so sorry about your cat. They are like part of the family. We have one that my husband has had since junior high school and when she goes...oh dear, I'm not sure I will be able to handle it. After all, she's sneezed on me every April (with her sinusitis) for the past almost seven years. You're right. April is a bitch.

Captain Dumbass said...

My mom had a little dog named Mikey that she adopted in 1987 right after her and my dad split. She had to put him down just before Christmas. She shared a lot with that dog in 21 years. Sorry about Meesha.

You should get Henry one of those little kid cells and every time management asks you something ask them to hold while you consult with him for a choice phrase.

Jennifer said...

I'm so sorry for your loss of Meesha. Fifteen years is a long time.

Heather said...

I agree April sucked ass!!!
May better be a nicer beeaatch...I'm so sick of snow I could scream!!!

Jenni said...

wow, last month was definately a pisser. at least it can't get any worse.

sorry about losing your kitty.

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

Awwwww! So sorry to hear about Meesha... ((HUGZ!)) April was definitely a bitch - here's hoping May is much kinder! :)

jen said...

oh darling. april can suck it.

may is here. and along with that comes flowers and sunshine and many less powerpoints.

so sorry about meesha. she sounds like she was a lovely and patient kitty. i think it's going to be hardest to lose those pets that i acquired pre-children. thinking of you ... and waiting patiently for you to return. hugs. and love.

Miss Grace said...

Just between you and me and The Internet At Large? April sucked fat sweaty donkey balls.

PAPATV said...

the worst to loose a pet... our dog's 10 now, so she gets whatever she wants...including un-long walks.

dang biaatch, doesn't like to walk anynmore. :)

Ms. Salti said...

I'm sorry Jen, that really sucks... as I'm sitting here trying to fight back tears of my own, you're not helping the situation! But seriously, that really sucks. Thank Jesus that April is over... and May has to be better, right?! Feel better, and let me know if you need me to deliver a bottle of vodka on my way home from work!

MiddleAgedWomanBlogging said...

AAAAAAAH! I so totally agree!! April took my mother! And my dog! and my 86 yr old father didn't come home from mushrooming and there I am, 3 sheriff deputies and me, walking around the woods after dark with flashlights trying to find him. He spent the night in the hospital with renal kidney failure, dehydration and dementia. My ex-mother in law was in the hospital twice. And this morning, I find out my father now has skin cancer. (even though it is May, he had it in April!) The poor neighbors down the street lost their 24 yr old daughter to skin cancer this past weekend. So, April.... F**K YOU!!

Dingo said...

I'm so sorry to hear about Meesha. You must feel her loss keenly. April truly is a bitch and not in the she's so cool we could sit out on the porch together and mock the passersby kinda way.

HeatherPride said...

Poor Steenks. So sorry about your sweet kitty. That's a rough deal. But fifteen year! Wow! That says a lot for her and for you. Nice kitty keeping, Jenbo.

Hugs to you.

Simon said...

Sorry to hear about your cat, Jen. Anyone who says 'she was only a cat' just isn't wired up to understand a loss.

I guess there's a reason they call April the cruellest month. I'm pretty glad to see it gone as well; roll on May!

Paula said...

April did suck.. mightily. I am so so sorry about your Meesha. My heart hurts knowing exactly how you feel. I have been there too many times.. losing a well-loved pet & friend. I hope things get better for you.. and for your family. *hugs ya*

Twenty Four At Heart said...

Sorry about your cat. It's so hard to lose a pet. April did suck. It really, really sucked. Let's hope May is a much better month!

Cakelet said...

Sorry you had a bad April. And from reading the comments, looks like you weren't the only one! Damn! And 15 years is a long time. You were practically just a little girl when that cat was a kitten. I love my cats. Wait -- no -- I love two of my cats. The third one is just pure evil. And though I do not love her, as she is nigh unlovable -- I do admire her perfect evilness. And sometimes, I can't help it. I love her too. The Demon Kitty of Fleet Street. I've lost kitties, too, over the years. Two to cars, which really sucks.
I hope many of the months to come will be way better for you than April was.

GreenJello said...

Aw. I'm sorry. :(

Hugs.

for a different kind of girl said...

I imagine the phrase your son learned wasn't 'suck it,' but that's what I'm telling April on your behalf.

Suck it, April. And not in a fun way.

There. Rest assured April won't show her face around here again for about 11 more months.

(sorry. sorry, sorry, sorry...)

Pamela said...

April sucked moose balls over here, too.
Sorry she took your kitteh away.
That bitch.

Pamela said...

But hey, my birthday's in a week. You could come to NY and celebrate with me.

Dana's Brain said...

I'm so very sorry about Meesha. Death just sucks no matter what.

I hate April too now - cause I'm all about supporting my stalk-ees.

Hope May knows better then to cross you.

Keely said...

April WAS a bitch this year. Maybe she was pre-menstrual. Though I'm not sure what that makes May.

I'm sorry to hear about your kitty. Fifteen years is a long damn time, though. Good work.

Casey said...

I actually kind of enjoyed April this year but if you hate it, I hate it. April is now known as an effing bitch in this household.

So sorry about Meesha, my childhood cat died when I was 22 and it crushed me. The cat dying crushed me, not the actual cat. Although she was pretty hefty. Sorry. Here's to May being kickass.

Mrsbear said...

I'm so sorry about your kitty. You want I should kick April's ass for you? Because I will, I'll have to wait twelve months for her to roll around again, but April Fool's day 2010 I'll be there with my softball bat in hand to take her out at the knees. ;) Feel better.

Melanie D said...

April was a Bitch!!!! So sorry to hear about your kitty

Cameron said...

Sorry to hear about your cat, steenky.

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

So sorry to hear about your kitty cat. That's really sad. And of course it's April's fault. Isn't it always???

May will be better for you.

For me, not so much. I have to have an endoscopy AND a colonscopy this month. Can you say "May sucks"???

Becky said...

Oh, I'm so sorry about Meesha. What a sweet kitty.

And yes, April is graveyard dead, but you're still here!

Sassypants Wifey said...

Sheesh, I thought I was the only one who was on Aprils Crap list. She is a bitch, she totally needs to get a life and quit meddling in everyone elses.

Glad your hubs is so proficient at dialing emergency services, should I ever need assistance I hope he is near.

Sorry about Meesha. I dread the day that we lose one of our dogs.

I will be thinking of you and hoping that May brings better times and good memories. Or at least a couple dozen mojitos to make the late work nights a little more fun...

Sassypants Wifey said...

slipped you a little award at my place.

Chris Wood said...

So sorry about Meesha! That is sad news. April stinks.

Wicked Step Mom said...

::Stomps on the month of April repeatedly:: Be nice to Steenky, you jerk!!

Sorry to hear about Meesha. I hope that the rest of the year is much kinder to you.

Kat said...

Big bloggy hugs.

Lesha said...

Oh, sorry to hear about your kitty.

April was a sucktacular month. I'm glad it's over too.

G said...

Oh Steenky... I often stalk your site and rarely comment (rude? yep, I know.)
Your story of your last day with your Meesha made me both happy and sad. I'm so glad you had her for fifteen whole years!

Bex said...

poor meesha. she's in a better place now. poor you to have to go one without her. i have been there too - ugh! i have told myself, "its just a cat" or "its just a dog" but it doesn't ever work. my heart is with you, my friend.

and reece falling down the steps! its a good thing children are made up of 4 parts concrete and 6 parts rubber.

(and i've just learned many a new thing by simply reading your comments you have some highly educated readers mixed in with some who clearly have a lot of street cred!)

Krystal said...

Dear Steenky Bee of mine (well nto really mine, of the blogosphere - but really you don't belong to anyone do you? If so can I ask them to share you?)
I am so sorry to hear about your cat - it is never easy to lose someone you love. It will get better and as far as choice phrases and stumbling down the steps - been there, done that, read the novel, and saw the movie! xoxoxo

Kelly said...

April is b.s.! Sorry to hear about Meesha, that is tough. April - suck it!

Rachel said...

I'm sorry about your kitty cat. I've lost one myself and it hurt way more than I ever expected. Also, March killed my pet rat, Cocoa, another little creature I expected not to get any sympathy for losing, and the Internets were very very kind.

Ali said...

Rest in peace, Meesha.

I would rip April right out of my calendar and set it on fire in your honor but it might make my smoke detectors go off. And then I'd have to call 911.

Lorren said...

Aw, I'm so sorry about your cat. Here's to an awesome May!

Bee said...

I'm sorry about your kitty. :o(

And I'm sorry April sucked donkey b*lls.

Andrea said...

Awww girl. I'm sorry about your sweet kitty. That totally bites. Here I was wallowing in my craptastic last couple of months and you've been having just as rough a time.

If you need me to karate chop your boss in his man junk so he gets the message that you need to leave work *on time*, I'm here for ya mama!

krista said...

oh, man. i was all over the snarky slapping april on the ass and then...
your cat.
i'm so sad for you.
so so sad.
i'm so sorry.

Tricia said...

I'm so sorry to hear about Meesha and I hope the month of May is much kinder!

Wicked Step Mom said...

P.S. - I left something on my blog for you!

Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

Aw, I am SO sorry to hear about your kitty! I know how it is, I have lost three cats in the past two years and they were my loves!

April did suck ass, I will totally agree with you! Here is to May being a better month for all!

Carolyn...Online said...

So did you steal April's boyfriend or something? Sheesh.

Sorry about your kitty...

The Stiletto Mom said...

I'm so sorry to hear about Meesha. We had a cat like that once, very much a part of the family. Still miss her. *hugs*

ChurchPunkMom said...

Jen!! I'm so sorry for your loss.. April absolutely is a bitch. She took my cat as well, about 10 years ago. Not fun at all.

You take as long as you need..

I'll still be here, ready and waiting for your highly inappropriate comments when you return.

Kisses.

Tuesday Girl said...

Poor kitty!

April wasn't so hot around here either so don't feel so bad!

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

So long April - Hello May!

I hope May will be much kinder to you Bee.

Dutch donut girl said...

I'm so sorry about Meesha.

meandtheblueskies.com said...

I am really sorry to hear about your kitty cat. My dalmatian, Dave, is almost 13 1/2 years old and I worry about how long he's gonna last but he's a pretty spry fellow. May is a good month, though. It has Mother's day and flowers and sunshine and the traditional beginning of summer with Memorial Day. Plus my birthday is in May. Here's to hoping we see a "Farewell, May, I Truly Loved Ye" post come this June 1st. - Preston

zelzee said...

April was one awful month! I'm not surprised it killed your cat!! It tried to kill me, too.
So sorry about Meesha. I know how hard it can be to lose a pet that has been a part of the family for so long.

Lola said...

Oh, I'm so sorry about Meesha. Just seeing her photo made me cry. She looks just like my Louie, and I was a wreck when she passed.

I hope May is going much better for you.

Zip n Tizzy said...

Oh my heart just melted a bit more reading that you had a Meesha too. I had a Misha, but same thing, and no, she wasn't just a cat to me either.

Hope may has been fabulous for you.
Happy Mothers Day.

Sandy said...

I know I'm late to offer my condolences on the passing of your kitty....I'm sorry. And anyone who says something like "it's only a cat" needs to be excised from your life. Stopped in from somewhere, will be back. Your new kitty is cute...enjoy.

Jennifer said...

Oh no! I'm so sorry about your kitty.