May 7, 2009

Working It At Work

In less than six weeks my office will hold annual employee reviews. My firm has a unique system for evaluating the staff members. Instead being reviewed by senior or middle management, each employee is evaluated by a group of their peers. Management feels that this system promotes a better work environment between everyone because it makes staffers accountable for their interactions with co-workers at their same level, thus discouraging employees who try to get ahead by "climbing".

Seems sound enough, right?

So, in order to have a positive review in June, I have focused the bulk of my energy in building rapport with the rest of the marketing staff, the architects, the administrative staff and even the accounting department.

I must say, it has been both tiring and rewarding. But mostly tiring. Which leads me to the next paragraph.

Tuesday, one of our Associates, we'll call him "Leonard", emailed me and asked for help with a task. I immediately checked the company roster just to be sure he was higher above me in the corporate food chain. Indeed he was and he would most definitely not be reviewing me. Sucker.

******************
Leonard:
How busy is your marketing team today?.....
Sent from my iPhone on 5/5/09 11:18 AM

Jen: What do you need? I'm sure I could help this afternoon!
On May 5, 2009, at 11:21 AM

Leonard: I’ll need help if the administrative staff doesn’t return…and at that, I’m not sure I trust that this job can be completed…Stay close. I’ll keep in touch…
Sent from my iPhone on 5/5/09 11:27 AM

Jen: This “job” sounds classified and somewhat covert. Let me know who my contact is, the password, safehouse location, etc. I’ll be careful. You know I will.
On May 5, 2009, at 11:35 AM

Jen: Will I need a cover?
On May 5, 2009, at 11:37 AM

Leonard: I’m sorry…cover? As in a cover for a proposal?
Sent from my iPhone on 5/5/09 11:39 AM

Jen: No! Cover as in alias. A disguise?.....Oh I read ya. We’re now talking in code. Are these emails being monitored? I’ll take care of my own cover and develop a detailed back story while I'm at it. How about I’m a rich divorce from back East who just moved to Utah to get away from it all. I’ve recently discovered yoga, self-tanner and I am ready and looking for love with a much younger man. What do you think?
On May 5, 2009, at 11:44 AM

Jen: I’m taking your silence as confirmation that you are in complete agreement with my plan.
On May 5, 2009, at 11:45 AM

Jen: Still no response....Have you been compromised? Give me the word and I will abort this mission immediately!
On May 5, 2009, at 11:49 AM

Jen: Also, why do you keep sending me emails from your iPhone? You know, that doesn’t really impress me. I have one too. Like, I had one a LONG time ago. iPhones are so 2007, dude.
Sent from my awesome iMac with a screen twice the size of your head on May 5, 2009 11:51 AM

Leonard: Is anyone else in marketing available?
Sent from my iPhone on 5/5/09 11:59 AM

41 comments:

Becky said...

HA! I am sure he is thinking that you are a real straight shooter with definite upper-management potential. I love that you checked the org chart before responding to him.

You are positively Machiavellian. And that is a high compliment.

Bex said...

if i worked with you ... i'd give you a very good review!

HeatherPride said...

Please tell me your boss Leonard only lives in your imagination. Please say that.

Lisa Brandos said...

That is hilarious. You totally got me distracted from the hubs while he was talking to me. Now he's pissed, but that was funny... meh... he'll get over it... This story couldn't wait!

apathy lounge said...

You can make me laugh. Even from your iPhone. That's quite an accomplishment.

robin said...

Oh gawd, this is GENIUS!
Too bad I didn't have you to confer with when the s--t hit the fan at my job. I have a feeling things would have turned out a liiiiittle bit differently for me! :)

Mrsbear said...

That you already had your back story prepped shows you're a self starter and a forward thinker, you can obviously handle anything.

Cameron said...

This Leonard character sounds like he has a complete lack of humor. I shall henceforth classify him as a douche.

Sassypants Wifey said...

This Leonard fella sure doesnt know how to play along does he? What a total wet toupee. (I would have said wet blanket, but wet toupee sounds like much more of a drag, and people who can not simply play along are serious drags) I totally cant wait for the day when you call me and pretend to be a secret agent. I will SO play along. But only if my code name can be Helga Beaverhausen.

Bee said...

AAAAAAAAAAAWESOME! I am SO going to do that at work. Maybe they'll all leave me alone. You are a genius!!

Logical Libby said...

HR is calling you tomorrow.

The Stiletto Mom said...

I had no idea we worked at the same company.

shopgirl said...

Seriously girl? Where do you come up with this stuff?

Hilarious!!!

GreenJello said...

I hate peer reviews. People love to trash on you anonymously!

I like your iMac byline...

(P.S. Utah blogger lunch was announced today-- June 13th at 1:00pm in the Sandy area!)

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

That's one way to pass the job! Hehe. Good to see you kept your smarts in a tough situation.

Kat said...

Obviously he was just checking to see if you were the mole.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Your annual review is determined SOLELY on peer review? There isn't enough vodka in the world for me to be charitable to some of my coworkers. I am thankful not to be in that position. That's how "postal" situations start. Good luck and god speed.

Peggy said...

A totally brilliant way of getting out of getting Leonard off your back for something he probably should have been doing himself anyway!

Looking for love with a much younger man...Bahahaha!

Amo said...

THAT is exactly why I don't work.

Might as well stay home with people who don't appreciate my humor...

Wicked Step Mom said...

You are my hero! I am so going to pull that on someone! LOL

Sprite's Keeper said...

I love your cover. I should try it myself. But I would have to change your name since I'm Jen too and the locale would change from Utah to Florida and divorce carries such a stigma so I can't slight John.. maybe you should keep your cover.

April said...

hahahahaha :-) you always give me a good chuckle in the morning

jen said...

in my next life ... i am so gonna work with you. you would make the work day super fun, i'm sure.

Michele Renee said...

Thanks for the memories. I used to work with coworkers who'd throw you under the bus. Or walk by while you pleaded from a burning building. Bosses who were psychos. Getting the hives now just thinking of it...

JuleeSLC said...

Damn ... I was hoping some reference to tossing the salad would be referenced.

blissfully caffeinated said...

And that is how you get out of doing extra work. Well done, spider monkey. I'm going to print this post out so that I can use it if I ever have a real job again.

blissfully caffeinated said...

Hey, is Jeremy administering mouth to mouth to a porcupine in that sidebar photo?

Captain Dumbass said...

It's not bad enough you're flaunting your iPhone but now you have to wave your gigantosaurus monitor too? You're cold.

Miss Grace said...

Comment that is largely unrelated to your post, because that's how I roll:

At my sister's company, at the three month review, EVERYONE who works with you gets to do a review, including if they think you're a good fit. And you can get voted off the island, survivor style.

After that you're in.

zelzee said...

Leonard was just way too easy!!!!

Dingo said...

You sound like a real go-getter! I'm sure you'll be teetering at the top of that ledge of the corporate ladder (you know, the one with the drawing of someone falling off with the big X marked through it?) in no time.

Leslie said...

You would be perfect at leading a double secret agent life. Funny stuff!

Jennifer said...

I wonder if there's a way to act crazy enough to get out of housework, too?

Keely said...

Good job on setting precedent. He'll never ask again.

The Mister said...

So basically what your firm did was ensure that everyone reaps the benefits of people trying to sleep their way to the top. Nice.

Casey said...

I think you're going to get a whole other kind of review, this time by the HR peeps. Just smile and play crazy and they won't be allowed to fire you.

Carolyn...Online said...

There's just nothing as fun as messing with work people. Especially work people who don't get it.

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

That was just too funny!! It's a bummer when people you work with don't play along - or don't have a sense of humor to even get it... ;) I would totally abandon my SAHM title and return to the Marketing workforce if I could be guaranteed to work with you... ;)

Vodka Mom said...

Happy Mother's Day!!!

Lisa (Jonny's Mommy) said...

I know I should be so blunt, but I wish I had your balls.

Lizgizzy said...

Ha- awesome job of getting Leonard to back off. Good luck with that peer review.