April 7, 2009

I Spent Four Glorious Hours With The 80s

I intended my participation in Keely’s Random Tuesday Thoughts to be a little more random. I had a whole list worked up that included an argument as to why robots will kill us before zombies do, my feelings on Twilight and my growing hatred of Katy Perry. But Saturday something waaaaaay better came up.

What could be better than a post about killer robots and Katy Perry? Of course it would have to be a post about killer robots actually offing Katy Perry, so I guess my post would be the second best thing and it’s all about one-hit wonders from the 1980s.

Saturday night, Jeremy and I were sucked into four hours of non-productiveness after we accidentally stumbled across VH1’s countown of the Top 100 One-Hit Wonders of the 80s.
Say it with me, people. Awesome.

Normally, I would never condone such couch potato-like behavior, let alone have the time to spend an entire evening watching a network that only features “best ever” countdowns and reality-based programming that I’m pretty sure is set up for women who want jump start their adult film career. But I ask you, could you turn away from all that mess?

Yeah, neither could I.

I learned so much from watching VH1 this weekend. From “Tough Love” I picked up a few much needed love tips. From “For The Love of Ray-J” I discovered several things I never want to do with my life, including a photo shoot with fruit in a body-length leotard. I also reconnected with some much loved music of my youth including:

“Turning Japanese”
, by The Vapors
“It Takes Two”, by Rob Base & DJ E-Z Rock
“Come on Eileen”, by Dexy Midnight Runners
“Respect Yourself”, by Bruce Willis (yes, that Bruce Willis)

I must admit, my evening watching the countdown didn’t come entirely without controversy. When Twisted Sister’s “We’re Not Gonna Take It” showed up on the countdown at #21, Jeremy immediately declared bullsh*t because “That song is freakin’ awesome and everybody knows it!”.
In turn, I was quite upset to see that Styx made the list for “Too Much Time on My Hands”. What? They had several other hits including what FADKOG refers to as the mother of all driveway songs, “Mr. Roboto”. (For those of you that aren’t awesome or FADKOG or don’t know what a driveway song is, let me break it down for you. It’s when you’re pulling into the driveway and the song you’re jamming to has just too much awesome in it for you to turn the ignition off and get on with your life.)

It seems VH1 thought better of sticking Styx on the list because I went back to check the list today and Styx is nowhere on it anymore.

Other high points of the four hours of my life that I’ll never get back, and frankly I don’t care because IT WAS THAT GOOD include:
  • Remember Thomas Dolby, the guy who gave us “Blinded by Science”? Turns out he invented the cell phone technology that makes it possible to download ring tones to cell phones. So, yeah, don’t feel too sorry for him. Every time you downloaded “Can’t Touch This” as your ring (don’t pretend you haven’t), the Blinded by Science dude made a cool buck off you.
  • VH1 bills Divo as the band that rose to the top of “nerd rock” in the 1980s. with “Whip It”. WTF? There’s a genre known as nerd rock? Exactly who are in these bands and where do I sign up?
As an aside, you should know that when they revealed what the members of MIH are up to these days, they showed the lead singer, all 6’4” of him, residing in Canada, shaving his head and living his life as a stay at home dad. I immediately emailed SAHD Captain Dumbass to accuse him of being the former lead singer of MIH. He responded, in kind, and called me out as a giant dumbass since the front man for MIH apparently lives in Montreal, not Vancouver.

Still, I remain skeptical. The Captain’s email response was far too quick for him to have properly Googled the band. I stand by my first inclination that the Captain once mingled with midgets and women wearing corsets while lip-syncing about leaving his troubles behind. To him I say, dude, your troubles have just begun.

56 comments:

Wicked Step Mom said...

And to think, I spent Saturday night watching Beverly Hills Chihuahua with the kids. I could have been making my brain leak out of my head in way more fun ways!

Becky said...

OMG omg, so many memories. In the third grade, a friend and I choreographed a dance routine to "Whip It." It involved a lot of cartwheels down the steps into her sunken living room.

And I'm going to go get myself a new ring tone. But I'm thinking of "I Touch Myself" by the Divinyls. 'Cause that would be funny, right?

Chris Wood said...

The English countryside is notorious for its midgets and wenches. They just get in the way everywhere, damn them.

Laufa said...

LOL. We have so spent time watching the VH1 80's thing too. Yeah for the killer Zombies!! I don't like KP either.

Jess said...

Great. Now I have no less than 5 80's songs stuck in my head.

ChurchPunkMom said...

I'm not a midget, I'm just short.

And Des Moines had a bit of an 80's flashback last night.. there was a big NKOTB concert. Rad.

Robin said...

Domo Arigato, Steenky.
I totally watched that too! I hate to say it, but waaaay too many of those songs were already on my iPod. Clearly I am not over the whole 80s thing. Sigh.

Susan said...

I LOVE those VH1 top 100 history music shows! One hit wonders, etc... Too funny! My husband and I crack up. Oh, I mean.. we don't really watch tv that much. We read. busted.

Miss Grace said...

I'm pretty sure Senor Dumbass could have mingled with midgets all on his own. Just saying.

Tara@Sticky fingers said...

The 80s were so my time. I loved all those songs. I own the Bruce Willis album which I remember buying at the time and convincing myself that actually the dude could sing (but shhhh, don't tell anyone else)

Cameron said...

Wait, what?!?!? You hate Katy Perry?!!! I just love her. Well, not really love, but I think she's weird and hot rolled into one.

Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

How did I miss that show? My husband and I always catch those shows, especially the I love the 80's ones where they reminisce about stuff like the Slinky and pogo balls. Ahhh, the good ole days...

jen said...

what time do you put the kids to bed? and how do you end up with a full four hours?
my husband is so anti tv. argh. i swear that thing never gets turned on.
can i come to your house and watch tv with you?

jen said...

i might actually be in your neck of the woods the weekend after easter. maybe. i'm still hoping the flights don't fill up too much and the girls and i can get on stand-by.
don't worry ... we already have a place to stay!
but i might just love to meet you ...

erin said...

Okay, this is horribly embarrassing for me to admit...but I LOVE For the love of Ray J.
Wow, I said it and I wasn't struck down by a killer lightening bolt. I mean come on steenky, tell me! What the F is up with Danger?
And is Unique really a man?

GreenJello said...

I remember all of those! The 80's were the era of One-Hit-Wonders. Remember Soft Cell's "Tainted Love"? There's a sort of remake of it out there that my kids love.

Lots of 80's songs are being remade now, in rap and hiphop versions. And it cracks me up that my kids say, "Your music was SO stupid!"

I have the last laugh.

Michele Renee said...

I have XM satellite radio in my car and I pretty much only listen to the 80's channel. Oh, I know everything out there now such as Lady Gaga and Rhianna, etc. but the 80's is for my alone time.

Sprite's Keeper said...

I spent 10 glorious years with the 80's! Beat that!

DG said...

I'd have chucked my errands to watch that too. The 80's were amazing and the music was awesome. I keep trying to get my son's band to cover 80's tunes, but they think Blink 182 and Offspring are "retro".

I'm with you all the way on the songs you called out, but Bruce Willis? Really? There was a reason his record was called The Revenge of Bruno. I poop my pants whenever I hear it.

Dr Zibbs said...

I just showed my son Whip it the other day on Youtube.

He likes weird stuff and he was even like, WTF?

Tracy Lynn said...

He is totally a mingler. And Turning Japanese? I LOVED THAT SHIT.

Kat said...

The scene on the show when Turk sings the safety dance to Carla? Best. Scene. Ever. (ok maybe no EVER, but it is pretty damn close).

Sassypants Wifey said...

Gotta love the 80's. Our kids will look back and long for a time much as the 80's were. Where long hair and fast women were all the rage. You couldnt turn the corner without a dance off and "teased hair hooker" was the look. Man, I long for those days now....

Paula aka. Zani said...

Okay still seriously waiting on the robots and/or zombies to kill Katy Perry post.. but this was a great one. I LOVE those shows about songs from the 70s and 80s. You picked a few of my favourites there too. Love it! Sounds like time well spent. =]

Oh and I have to agree with Jeremy about Twisted Sister. I soooo loved that song, and them.

Mr. Roboto has to be one of the top, alltime best driveway songs. My fourteen year old even sings it. lol

Pamela said...

Bruce Willis knows about respecting oneself? How interesting... how odd.

Peggy said...

Come On Eileen just may be the best song to dance to at a wedding EVER!

Totally cracking up remembering the renaissance and the midgets. I guess they still had some good drugs leftover from the 60's and 70's!

Dana's Brain said...

We got sucked into one of those "Remember the (insert year here)" marathons on VH1 the other night. When we got to 2007, however, I had to draw the line. I mean, that's only TWO years ago. It's just not that funny.

I would SO pay to see killer robots go off with Katy Perry!

Ms. Salti said...

See, you do fun things on Friday nights... like coming up with posts for you blog! I'm with you on your theory about Captain...

Sarah's Blogtastic Adventures said...

Seriously. Can't Touch This IS my ring tone.

Momma Trish said...

You know, I thought the Captain looked familiar. Now I know why. Thanks for that!

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

I wish I could have caught that! That would be a wonderful way to spend an evening, a few drinks a few snacks and hours of memories.

And the Captain Dumbass thing, you crack me up. (But maybe?? How would we really know??)

mommysescape said...

I saw that a few weeks ago when it first aired!!! I am a child of the 80s and I loved it. funny that i remembered it all!! Did you catch that video for "It's Raining Men"? Now that was just weird

Kingsmom said...

Too funny. I have actually spent a few solid hours of my life that I will never get back watching VH1 for similiar programs.

Cakelet said...

When I got married in 1986, the DJ played the song 'Gloria' by Laura Branigan and it was mayhem on the dance floor. I'm talking, people joining hands and reeling around in concentric cirles going in opposite directions... it was epic! I pity anybody who had to get married in any other decade.

Bex said...

i'm with FADKOG re: Mr. Roboto.

for a different kind of girl said...

First - that's some all kinds of sexy up there in the left hand corner of your bloggo, yo!

Second - I do not care that Tommy Shaw would disagree with this statement, but I'm just going to put it out there - Dennis DeYoung is a god. A weird, interesting choice for a god god. Mr. Roboto is a killer driveway song. So is The Proclaimers' 500 Miles, though, truth be told, I'm often *actually* driving when I hear that, and in keeping with the spirit of the song (except I am usually only driving less than 10 miles roundtrip and not, in fact, walking 500 miles), I bust that out big time when it starts up. If that song wasn't on the list, well, then, all I can say is there is no Dennis DeYoung.

Ali said...

My range of programming starts at 229 (hgtv) and ends at 299 (Nick). I need to start venturing in the 300's--sounds like good stuff!

Captain Dumbass said...

I am not commenting on the whole MIH deal. I do hang out with midgets though. Whatever.

I went out for Vietnamese for lunch today and, swear to God, they were playing 80's hits, but in Vietnamese. The play list was stunning, though my personal favourite was Dexy's Midnight Runners. Just something about the way it translates into a guttural Asian language spoke to me.

Casey said...

I'm pretty sure you stuck Mr Roboto in my head once before so this makes twice. It takes two to make a thing go right. Thanks for that.

Jenni said...

"She's Like the Wind" by Patrick Swayze. Worst song I ever loved.

Keely said...

My husband is trying to stage a one-man revival of Men Without Hats. I have more trivia concerning them in my brain than is healthy, and my child recognizes ALL their songs because his father sits him in front of You Tube and plays them.

Sigh.

Lola said...

The husband and I love those countdowns, but we're never satisfied with the number one song, never, ever!

Beware of the Behind the Music shows. They're like crack cocaine.

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

This was better than going to school. Learn so much on the blogs.

The Mister said...

We played "It Takes Two" at our wedding reception. 1, 2, 3, Get loose now...

Bee (the one who muses) said...

I watched the countdown too but then I finished it with the sluts of the sunset strip who banged all the hair bands until they all got crabs. Ahhhh yes, being old and married has it's excitement.

The Stiletto Mom said...

You may not have been reading me way back when but I posted a posty post about this same thing. VH1 had a weekend where they did alphabetical 80's. Sadly, I had a couple of friends over, the weather was warm, the wine was flowing, we were on my back porch. Singing. Loudly.

I am happy to report the restraining order the neighbors attempted to take out did not stick.

But I do have an official order from the police here that I am no longer allowed on my back porch without duct tape on my mouth. *sigh*

mrsbear said...

It is taking all the willpower I can muster NOT to click on the "It Takes Two" link. That's the last thing I need floating around in my head at this late hour - images of awkward school dances and me in stirrup pants. Eek.

FoN said...

That sounds totally awesome. Yes, I used that 80's phrase on purpose. I bet you could totally work a drinking game into watching that show. A shot every time a thinly veiled drag queen starts dancing to a synthesizer.

Dingo said...

I have killed many a Saturday with music countdown. Yes, I watched The Best Soft-Rock Ballads of All Time. Christopher Cross was robbed. ROBBED, I tell you! "Think of Laura" did not make the list.

Cathy - wheresmydamnanswer said...

I am still musically stuck in the 80's I confess and truthfully I am not willing to change that!! DAMN do I love that music!

Candy's daily Dandy said...

This post brings bad so many memories...make-out songs, break-up songs, crayzee f-ed up songs..good times.


I'm still not quite sure I remember all of the 80's but I sure as HELL got my money's worth!

blissfully caffeinated said...

"Come on Eileen" is THE best song of the 80's. I don't care what anyone says.

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

The 80's were a great time for me...because of and in spite of some of the music! ;)

HarryJack's Mom said...

OHS, you crack me up! And the boys had their first driveway song the other day...too funny to see them jammin' to some old rock song whose title I've forgotten at the moment....probably a O-HW ;-)

TattooedMinivanMom said...

Okay man, I'm totally with your husband...any song that was in the movie Iron Eagle is A-OK in my book!

'That Girl' said...

Mr. Mustang and I are hooked on Rock of Love and now Tough Love..Also, (because it seems relevant) we let Dog the Bounty Hunter suck up our Wednesday nights.. Yes, we're classy like that. That's how we roll.