I'm Real and Unspectacular

I was just tagged in a meme, by Rhea over at Texas Word Tangle. Wait, maybe I was roped. After all, she IS from Texas y’all. I shouldn’t generalize like that, it’s just rude. I guess it’s the equivalent of saying that since Steenky Bee is from Utah she’ll send a Mormon missionary over to your house when she tags you. That’s just not so. Everyone knows Mormon missionaries travel in pairs. Duh.

The rules of the meme are as follows: List seven insignificant things about yourself. Link the person that tagged you in your post, then tag seven other people and let them know that they’re now it.

Thanks for the tag, Rhea, but I’m going to change it up a little bit. That’s how I roll at The Bee. Because everything about me is so insignificant that I wouldn’t know where to begin I’m going to list off seven insignificant things I did this weekend. Let me be clear. I did many, many insignificant things this weekend, but I’ll only torture you with seven of them.

Get ready to NOT have your mind blown in any way whatsoever.

1. I watched 90 minutes of Myth Busters on TLC. Be jealous. Be very jealous. During my couch coma, I learned that it is impossible to start a ship on fire when a whole mess of mirrors harnessing the sun is pointed at said ship from any sort of a distance.

This fact was not earth shattering for me. Jeremy, on the other hand, immediately called bullsh*t and quickly began researching prices online for large, full length mirrors. According to him, “The jury is still out on science." He’s now bound and determined to start our neighbor’s shed on fire from thirty yards away by pointing a bunch of mirrors at it. If I get tagged again soon, I will list all seven neighbors that I will visit one by one this week to warn them of my husbands intentions.

2. We were gift givers. We totally gave someone a case of beer as a Happy Housewarming/Wedding/So Sorry It’s A Tad Bit Late But The Wedding Was Nice gift. They were thrilled. Yeah, we are that classy.

3. We got political and stuff. Jeremy and I hunkered down to witness the democratic process in the first presidential debate. We tried to play a drinking game but we failed miserably. I told Jeremy he had to drink whenever the words “Maverick”, “Vietnam” or “Wall Street” were said. He had me drink whenever one of the candidates said “Miss Congeniality”, “I totally agree with everything Senator McCain just said” and “Kissinger is a good friend of mine”.

Jeremy claimed victory. How did he manage that? But the joke was on him. I was only drinking straight-up Coca-Cola so after all my sips I was all hopped up on caffeine. I kept Jeremy up the rest of the night running the vacuum and scrubbing floor boards.

4. I groomed. I totally tweezed m eyebrows. They needed it. Jeremy asked me a few days earlier if I was going for the mono brow look. I told him to get over himself. That look is so last season.

5. We planned our financial future. Jeremy and I decided that next week we're driving an hour to the Idaho border just to buy a lottery ticket. We’ll probably stop for snacks and a soda along the way, you know, to make a day of it.

6. We honored the deceased. I broke down and professed my love of all things Paul Newman to Jeremy. I rambled on and on about how I thought Newman was the epitome of a bad boy in Cool Hand Luke and how Tom Cruise and his stupid face came this close to ruining The Color of Money. Almost.

Jeremy chose to show his affection for the actor in his own way. He made himself a salad with Newman’s Three Cheese Vinaigrette Dressing. To each his own.

7. We tried to exact revenge. My parents offered to keep Henry over night at their house Saturday evening. Jeremy and I filled him up with fruit snacks, chocolate milk, and two cookies before we shipped him up there. We gave ourselves a high ten after he left. (FYI: the ‘high ten’ is only reserved for especially awesome scenarios when a high five just won’t do. A night of peace and quiet is considered such a scenario.) We thought for sure he would run them ragged and make a mess of their house for once.

The next morning, however, when my mom phoned she announced that Henry passed out from exhaustion the minute he walked through their door and didn’t wake up until 8:00 am that morning. I’m not sure what my folks did to him between then and the time they returned him to us, but when the little guy came home he looked me and Jeremy square in the eye and screamed “I gotta run, run, run!”


And you know what he did next? He runned, runned, runned us ragged. Henry sprang from one sofa to the other with ease. He was round-house kicking and sailing through the air with agility and skill like I‘d never witnessed before. Jeremy would have been more upset, but he claimed Henry was “getting some gnarly air” and refused to break his "awesome form". This air show lasted ten minutes and ended abruptly with Henry huddled on the stairs demanding we buy him a pumpkin, like NOW.

As my parents left, I can’t be sure, but I think I saw them give each other a high ten in our driveway. Jeremy swears he hear them call out “Suckas!” as they peeled off down the street.


Since most everyone I know has been tagged for this meme, I'm going to tag some people I don't know. I'm sending the Mormon Missionaries to tag the following:


1. Jason Kottke because he really needs the linky love.
2. Dooce because I don't think she's been tagged yet.
3. Barrak Obama because he follows me on twitter.
4. John McCain because he'll probably suspend his campaign again and then he'll have loads of time to answer.
5. Karl Rove because I'm dying to know what seven unspectacular traits pure evil may possess. Plus, he's a local boy, he may be more inclined to answer.
6. Stedman Graham because I think Oprah gets all the play.
7. YOU! If you want in, then join in!


There you have it. I shall hold my breath and wait until these seven people get back to me.


P.S.: For realsies, if you haven't been tagged yet, please allow me to tag you. I promise it won't hurt.
P.P.S: Karl Rove's emails keep getting caught in my spam filter. So his response may take a while to get back to me.