October 1, 2008

I'm Real and Unspectacular

I was just tagged in a meme, by Rhea over at Texas Word Tangle. Wait, maybe I was roped. After all, she IS from Texas y’all. I shouldn’t generalize like that, it’s just rude. I guess it’s the equivalent of saying that since Steenky Bee is from Utah she’ll send a Mormon missionary over to your house when she tags you. That’s just not so. Everyone knows Mormon missionaries travel in pairs. Duh.

The rules of the meme are as follows: List seven insignificant things about yourself. Link the person that tagged you in your post, then tag seven other people and let them know that they’re now it.

Thanks for the tag, Rhea, but I’m going to change it up a little bit. That’s how I roll at The Bee. Because everything about me is so insignificant that I wouldn’t know where to begin I’m going to list off seven insignificant things I did this weekend. Let me be clear. I did many, many insignificant things this weekend, but I’ll only torture you with seven of them.

Get ready to NOT have your mind blown in any way whatsoever.

1. I watched 90 minutes of Myth Busters on TLC. Be jealous. Be very jealous. During my couch coma, I learned that it is impossible to start a ship on fire when a whole mess of mirrors harnessing the sun is pointed at said ship from any sort of a distance.

This fact was not earth shattering for me. Jeremy, on the other hand, immediately called bullsh*t and quickly began researching prices online for large, full length mirrors. According to him, “The jury is still out on science." He’s now bound and determined to start our neighbor’s shed on fire from thirty yards away by pointing a bunch of mirrors at it. If I get tagged again soon, I will list all seven neighbors that I will visit one by one this week to warn them of my husbands intentions.

2. We were gift givers. We totally gave someone a case of beer as a Happy Housewarming/Wedding/So Sorry It’s A Tad Bit Late But The Wedding Was Nice gift. They were thrilled. Yeah, we are that classy.

3. We got political and stuff. Jeremy and I hunkered down to witness the democratic process in the first presidential debate. We tried to play a drinking game but we failed miserably. I told Jeremy he had to drink whenever the words “Maverick”, “Vietnam” or “Wall Street” were said. He had me drink whenever one of the candidates said “Miss Congeniality”, “I totally agree with everything Senator McCain just said” and “Kissinger is a good friend of mine”.

Jeremy claimed victory. How did he manage that? But the joke was on him. I was only drinking straight-up Coca-Cola so after all my sips I was all hopped up on caffeine. I kept Jeremy up the rest of the night running the vacuum and scrubbing floor boards.

4. I groomed. I totally tweezed m eyebrows. They needed it. Jeremy asked me a few days earlier if I was going for the mono brow look. I told him to get over himself. That look is so last season.

5. We planned our financial future. Jeremy and I decided that next week we're driving an hour to the Idaho border just to buy a lottery ticket. We’ll probably stop for snacks and a soda along the way, you know, to make a day of it.

6. We honored the deceased. I broke down and professed my love of all things Paul Newman to Jeremy. I rambled on and on about how I thought Newman was the epitome of a bad boy in Cool Hand Luke and how Tom Cruise and his stupid face came this close to ruining The Color of Money. Almost.

Jeremy chose to show his affection for the actor in his own way. He made himself a salad with Newman’s Three Cheese Vinaigrette Dressing. To each his own.

7. We tried to exact revenge. My parents offered to keep Henry over night at their house Saturday evening. Jeremy and I filled him up with fruit snacks, chocolate milk, and two cookies before we shipped him up there. We gave ourselves a high ten after he left. (FYI: the ‘high ten’ is only reserved for especially awesome scenarios when a high five just won’t do. A night of peace and quiet is considered such a scenario.) We thought for sure he would run them ragged and make a mess of their house for once.

The next morning, however, when my mom phoned she announced that Henry passed out from exhaustion the minute he walked through their door and didn’t wake up until 8:00 am that morning. I’m not sure what my folks did to him between then and the time they returned him to us, but when the little guy came home he looked me and Jeremy square in the eye and screamed “I gotta run, run, run!”

And you know what he did next? He runned, runned, runned us ragged. Henry sprang from one sofa to the other with ease. He was round-house kicking and sailing through the air with agility and skill like I‘d never witnessed before. Jeremy would have been more upset, but he claimed Henry was “getting some gnarly air” and refused to break his "awesome form". This air show lasted ten minutes and ended abruptly with Henry huddled on the stairs demanding we buy him a pumpkin, like NOW.

As my parents left, I can’t be sure, but I think I saw them give each other a high ten in our driveway. Jeremy swears he hear them call out “Suckas!” as they peeled off down the street.

Since most everyone I know has been tagged for this meme, I'm going to tag some people I don't know. I'm sending the Mormon Missionaries to tag the following:

1. Jason Kottke because he really needs the linky love.
2. Dooce because I don't think she's been tagged yet.
3. Barrak Obama because he follows me on twitter.
4. John McCain because he'll probably suspend his campaign again and then he'll have loads of time to answer.
5. Karl Rove because I'm dying to know what seven unspectacular traits pure evil may possess. Plus, he's a local boy, he may be more inclined to answer.
6. Stedman Graham because I think Oprah gets all the play.
7. YOU! If you want in, then join in!

There you have it. I shall hold my breath and wait until these seven people get back to me.

P.S.: For realsies, if you haven't been tagged yet, please allow me to tag you. I promise it won't hurt.
P.P.S: Karl Rove's emails keep getting caught in my spam filter. So his response may take a while to get back to me.


sherendipity said...

I want to give your parents a running "low five". Even if they didn't hop Henry up on uppers and caffeine before they dropped him off, your rendition of it made my morning.

Sprite's Keeper said...

If you had played the word "fundamental" in the Debate, you would have been plastered by the third question!

Casey said...

Ok, I would TOTALLY appreciate a case of beer for any occasion. Funeral? Bring it. Tax day? Bring it. Full moon? Let's get our drink on.

I really want to play your drinking game. The Miss Congeniality reference was just weird to watch. Like that was his new campaign slogan or something.

Sorry the sugar high backfired and your parents got a good kid. My kids are always way better behaved for my rents, leaving my mom saying things like "oh, I don't know why you complain about him, he's so well behaved." Yeah.

I was sad about Paul Newman too, he was a funny guy. :(

Carolyn...Online said...

I'm totally playing a drinking game for the debate tomorrow night. I'm not sure I can get through it straight.

And Newman... *sigh*... I can eat 50 eggs.

Anonymous said...

I have a feeling the VP deate will be exciting enough and adding the drinking game would be a riot.
I think the kids are smarter than we think and know when to crash and know when to go nuts. :)
The mormons were here last week so I will pass but I like the way to roll...........

DeeMarie said...

I think I've only seen 2 episodes of Mythbusters, and that was one of them (and I still think it could happen too)!!
And I'm going to be moving soon (fingers crossed!!), and I would totally accept beer as a housewarming gift. Beer, wine, etc... I'm so not picky!

Mama Dawg said...

Oh, man. That was good. I needed a laugh this morning and you more than provided!

jen said...

you make me laugh. very hard. secret...i have done the same thing to my parents. and then my mom swears that giving my oldest a large bowl of ice cream before bed helps her sleep through the night. what? i thought i.c. was not a good bedtime snack?

i might just play along...but it might take me a few days. wait for it. shall i consider myself tagged?

oh and...i have a friend that just moved to SLC! she's always looking for new playmates that won't send over mormon pairs.

jenboglass said...

jen: I'd love to meet your friend! Please, consider yourself tagged. I have a feeling that Stedman or Karl may not respond!

HeatherPride said...

I have to say I put an effort into watching the debate because I really want to be political, but my brain made an audible cracking sound after the first two responses and I had to turn it off for my own safety. Maybe if I incorporated a drinking game I could manage like, the first 5 responses. Yeah....!

for a different kind of girl said...

There's a big part of me that wants to marry you right now. You might not be into that. To be honest, before I read this post, I didn't realize there was the chance I'd be into it. However, I want to marry you and watch the VP debate tomorrow night and get big time drunk. I suppose, if we're mutually into this, we need to get a move on.

gingela5 said...

haha...those are great! Hey at least your husband knew who Paul Newman was. My husband thought he was Randy Newman. I tried to explain who he was and finally I said "he's on the salad dressing containers." "OH yeah I know who he is..." good grief And I already tagged Dooce once--she didn't play along :) haha

Captain Dumbass said...

Hey, Idaho actually touches BC. And you can bring beer across the border. Just sayin.

I'm looking forward to the VP debate too. Should be entertaining and terrifying at the same time. I think if should be approached sober though. We're having an election debate up here this week as well. We make things crazy though and have a whole bunch of parties running for office AND we make them debate in two different languages. And then nobody watches either.

Jenni said...

For the record, I think beer makes and excellent gift. Also, I love saying "for the record." IT makes me feel all official and junk.

Kat said...

Wow! Henry sounds like LaLa after she ate that second piece of The Man's birthday cake the other night. There is one good thing about sugar highs. The kids come down hard and fast. Mine usually end up passed out face down on the couch.

Anonymous said...

I bow down to your meme prowess. Also, I love you. But you already knew that.

God, I hope Jeremy sets the neighbors shed on fire. That would be awesome. (Wait, being in Utah, are you offended by my taking the Lord's name in vain so frequently? If so, oh my God, I'm sorry.)

It's funny, I have an investment strategy that involves the lottery also. It only takes $5 a week. I guess great minds think alike.

Also, I bet your parents gave Henry Benadryl when he got to their house and then fed him cups of pancake syrup before they brought him home. That's the kind of thing my parents would do.

Finally, I have to say that you got a lot accomplished over the weekend. I couldn't come up with seven things from this past weekend if my life depended on it.

Completely awesome post, as per usual!

Rikki said...

ummmm you could tag me. wow does that sound creepy and pathetic all at the same time.

ali said...

blissfullycaff beat me to it but I was going to guess that your parents timed the wearing off of the Benadryl just. right.

goodfather said...

Ha ha! Awesome post. I like playing drinking games sober. Actually, that's the only way I play them ;).

Did you get a pumpkin?

Rhea said...

I love your take on this meme. I love people who break the rules and do things their own way, you rock!!

I love your political debate drinking game. Awesome idea.

HeatherPride said...

You are stalkalicious!

jenboglass said...

Goodfather: I so want to check out your site, but it's not letting me. Please let me know how to get there, only please don't tell me where to go. The lady at Target today already did that. Thanks.

Krystal said...

No wonder I love to stalk you!!!

Ron said...

okay the drinking game is downright hysterical - I could see this as a scene in a movie.

and anyone that's a fan of Paul Newman is classy in my book

Heinous said...

I feel so close to you now. I'll go after I see McCain's answer.

Tricia said...

I hadn't thought about a drinking game. I'm going alcohol shopping tomorrow in anticipation of the VP debate. Maybe if I'm smashed, I won't get all snarly.

And your parents, OK that is too funny.

Lola said...

Oh, can we please make up a drinking game before Palin makes an arse of herself tomorrow? Think, think.

How about every time she looks like a deer caught in the headlights or every time she giggles inappropriately? We'll be loaded.

I wish I paid more attention to her right about now so I could come up with something.

Oh, well. It's late, and she's annoying. Let me know if you come up with anything. I will so play along.

Paul Newman was my biggest Hollywood crush for years. Those eyes and that voice, OMG!

And you are so right about Tom Cruise almost ruining that movie. He should never have been in the same room with Paul!

Cape Cod Gal said...

Girl you are too funny. Found you over at Sassy Mama's! Gonna follow you from now on!

Maggie May said...

i loove the name Henry- it's the name of my protagonist husband in my novel.
nice to findcha!

Bee said...

When my niece (5) spends the night here, she goes to bed right away and wakes up at 9am.
At home it's "but I want water, a snack, a french manicure" and wakes up at 6am.

Yup, I have an awesome power. :o)

Badass Geek said...

Beer is a great gift. If you have some extra that you're looking to give away, I'll take some.

Chris Wood said...

I'd have to say that a case of beer is a classy gift at any time.

gingela5 said...

You know--I think I just got the title of this post. I guess it has been WAY too long since I've watched Seinfeld--shame on ME!

The Stiletto Mom said...

If you and FADKOG actually get married as she is suggesting,I will absolutely honor you both with a case of beer. Last I heard she was in bloggy love with Back Packing Dad but your brilliance seems to have won her over. :)
High tens on this post which as usual, is brilliant and made me smile!

PAPATV said...

Usually when a person tags me in a meme I'm like "Nope, doesn't count, I didn't feel it."
But you were obviously feeling this one. Big laughs from Big Papa!

Ann said...

I'm visiting via Mary Anne "The Stilleto Mom". I see that we get to take care of her place while she frolics in Cabo.
Ah, well.
I guess someone has to laugh and point at all of the men in Speedos.
I'm so glad I found your blog!
So funny!!!
And hey, my husband and I were thinking of playing a drinking game with the VP debate tonight. You in? ;->
Ann Again... and again

Ringleader said...

Your parents are good. I can't wait to pull that crap on my kids when I'm a grandma. I'm totally buying them obnoxious, battery operated toy machine guns and Little Tykes jackhammers (they don't make these? We'll they better get on it!)and sending them home all sticky and on the tail end of a high from the smores I will have fed them for breakfast- mwa-ha-ha

Becky said...

Awesome post. I love the high ten and am going to try it at home!

Ilina said...

Girl, you kill me.

HarryJack's Mom said...

Love it! You rock, and I've been meaning to ask if your "hot mess" is a nod to Chelsea Handler (I'm old, so maybe I'm out of it!) Right there with you on the unibrow. Love the pic, btw! Thanx for all the laughs, can't wait to read some old posts.

Ali said...

he would have won just drinking on the word "maverick" alone.

you, my dear = awesome :)