September 5, 2008

The Friday Five

Depression makes you see the world differently. It makes you think differently. Recently, I’ve been in a little funk. Nothing serious and certainly nothing that some comfortable sweats and some ice cream couldn't take care of. Only, I don’t eat ice cream. So I’m just down to the sweat pants.

I've noticed my patterns have been off lately due to said funk. Normally, I’ve got some scheme to get out of the house. But the past weekend I behaved a little differently. Below is a list of five things that were out of the ordinary for me.

1. I watched a Dane Cook comedy special…willingly. I actually researched it out, planned ahead of time and revolved my schedule around watching it on Saturday night. What? I have been actively avoiding all things Dane Cook for almost 18 months. To tell you the truth, it hasn’t been that hard. For a while there, he was all over the map. He was in the tabloids, in movies, on Major League Baseball Commercials!(?) But as of late, The Cook has been laying low, under the radar. But for some reason, this weekend, I felt compelled to plop down on the sofa and watch his stand-up. And I laughed.

2. I agree with Lindsay Lohan. Not so much about her well documented additiction to leggings or the aggressive use of self tanner, but on politics. I KNOW. Who saw that one coming? Lindsay, or her publisist wrote the following on her blog about all the uproar regarding her personal family life:

“I think the real problem comes from the fact that we are taking the focus off of getting to know Sarah Palin and her political views, and what she can do to make our country a less destructive place. Its distracting from the real issues, the real everyday problems that this country experiences.”

Not that I'm all for the chick with all the hair clips as Vice President or anything, but I think La Lohan has a point.

3. Vegetables lost their humor. Our kind neighbors brought over a bunch of tomatoes, zucchini and banana squash from their garden this weekend. My husband immediately ran up stairs to show me the impressive array of colors and textures and shapes. Jeremy knows that I love an odd shaped zucchini. Who doesn’t? It’s mother nature’s way of saying ’That’s what she said’. And let me tell you, there were some doozies in there. There were more phallic shaped zucchinis than you could shake a phallic shaped squash at. I found no joy in this what so ever.

4. Vampire Novels. Yes, those books. I’m in the middle of the second one, New Moon, as I’m writing this. By the time I hit the publish button, (in about 20 minutes) I will have completed the final two books of the series. They are that addicting and that fast of a read. I have been riveted by tales of vampires, werewolves and twinkling skin. But I swear, if I have to hear about what a God-like creature Edward is, I’m going to cut Bella. Actually, this wouldn’t be good for her since she’s human and runs around with vampires. Did I mention they were vegetarian vampires? The ladies out there need no explanation. The men folk, however, are rolling their eyes.

Also, I wonder how many fights these novels have caused between husbands and wives? Every female I know that has read one of these books has basically cut herself off from the rest of her life to finish the series. That includes neglecting the housework, dinner and their spouse. I bet somewhere out there is a He-man Woman Haters Club, only it’s a Vampire Haters Club. Google it. I bet it’s out there.

5. Penchant for Musicals. This isn’t so much ‘funk’ driven as it is the time of year thing for me. It’s usually in the fall that all I want to do is rent Grease, Grease II (only to complain about how inferior the sequel is) and West Side Story. I can’t explain it. I won’t even try. Jeremy wishes I would. Actually, he’s usually hunting in September and October so he misses my fun. For all I know, he might even enjoy the outdoors anymore. He may just keep the ruse up to get out of watching all the singing and the dancing. And oh, the dancing!

The only reason I bring the musicals up is that High School Musical 3 is hitting theaters soon. In my weakened condition, if left alone, I’m afraid I might slip out so see this thing. Last time I checked I wasn’t seven. But why does it keep tempting me? I didn’t even like the first High School Musical. I remember watching it one night and Jeremy walking into the room to see my shocked expression. I was babbling something about having to ‘get in the game’ or something. I eventually snapped out of it., but both Jeremy and I agree that I am now dumber for having seen High School Musical. So then why, oh, why would I even be tempted to see the third installment of that mess. Why do I keep typing the title? High School Musical 3. Stop it!

Someone has to do something to snap me out of this funk of bad taste I’m in. Dane Cook? Lindsay Lohan? High School Musical 3? I did it again.


Ellie said...

A word of advice to anyone already in a funk: stay AWAY from all RNC newspaper stories.

for a different kind of girl said...

I want to print this entry out and keep it tucked somewhere safe so I can pull it out each and every time I need a laugh. I laugh in the face of your funk. I am sorry! However, so much that I love is contained in this list! Grease II? Check. Dane Cook? Can't help it. Mother Nature's little "Heh, heh, heh" for the ladies? Absolutely.

I'll only add that I was a Edward and Bella hater. Oh, a big, big, glowing, ethereal hater. There was a huge fight in my house as I read the first book. I griped the entire read to the point my husband nearly took the book from me and burned it just to get me to stop!

Great post!

Carolyn...Online said...

I think you're ok as long as you don't start referring to is as HSM3. If that should happen seek help immediately.

Sprite's Keeper said...

Argh! The vampires are vegetarian?! No more insights! I haven't received my books yet!
(Grease 2 is one of the worst sequels ever, but oh so memorable with the songs that stay in your head for days... which is why you may be in that funk. )

Mama Dawg said...

Oh, man, I love you. Not in a gay way...I'm just sayin'.

This was so funny and so true.

HeatherPride said...

You have a real knack for utilizing the "That's what she said" expression. Maybe a job as a writer for The Office would cheer you up!! Using it in reference to the zucchini just cracked me up!

Also...the books....oh yes, devoured. Darn my husband and his non-twinkling skin!

JuleeSLC said...

GASP ... vampire books??? What next?? I need to take some pause and evaluate our friendship. Sigh.

Anndi said...

Great..... just great!

Now I have "Cool Rider" in my head.


"If he's cool enough... he can burn me through and through..."


Anndi said...

You created a monster.

This is your fault.

Anonymous said...

Maybe it's the whole Forks, Vampire and Werewolves thing creating the funk. I mean, Bella was really depressed during that book. It could be rubbing off. AND - I want to stab myself in the eye for even discussing Forks, Edward and Bella as though I know them.

Damn that Stephanie Meyer.

Anyhoo - Just want to say that I freaking LOVE Grease 2. Especially the end where she thinks he's dead and she sinks to the floor of the stage and sings that awesome song totally off the cuff. And the bowling. Damn, I'm gonna have to rent it now.

So, thanks for a huge belly laugh at the expense of phallic zucchini, you certainly perked up my afternoon.

I hope your funk evaporates soon!


Captain Dumbass said...

Ok Sunshine, I just got home cause I've been out all day and I'm tired so I don't really have anything witty but when I do I'm coming back... with something... uh, witty. I don't know. Did I mention I was tired?

I've been in a funk lately too even though I've been denying the whole job loss thing bothers me. Which is probably why I haven't been assaulting your comments with my usual vigour. But this isn't about me, it's about you.

What can we do to make you feel better? Jokes about your nappy head? How about some Vimeo posts of musical numbers? Thanks to mom I know The Sound of Music by heart. I'll do it, dammit, so you'd better snap out of it tout de suite

Woodlandmama said...

If you hated Grease II so much, what are you doing watching High School Musical anything? My daughter loves this shit and so I'll be forced to sit through it, and I am dreading it. If; however you feel compelled to see it, I'll lend you my daughter for the night. That way you have an excuse and I am excused.

PAPATV said...

When i get in a funk i like to watch movies that keep me in a funk like a sad movie when I'm sad. I fast forward to the "sad scene". That's just...sad.
On a more upbeat note, I long for Chuck Woolery and Love Connection.

Kat said...

Friends don't let friends see High School Musical.

As for the Twilight series...Dude. I read the whole series in 48 hours. My husband thought I had gone zombie on him. Actually it was cause I stayed up til 2am for 2 nights in a row to read while the kids were asleep. I feel your pain.

Musicals make the world go round. Go greased lighting, Go greased lighting! *does arm pumps*

Kat said...

I tagged you for a MeMe on my page.

DeeMarie said...

See, told you I'd go find it. I haven't read Twilight yet, but it's so on my to-do list!! Grease 2 rocks. And if I was anywhere near you, I'd totally go with you to see HSM3!!