June 3, 2008

'Sploding Warts

Dear Blog Readers, (or “Blob” readers, as my Mom calls it):

I kind of have an embarrassing story to tell you. Faithful readers will remember that I came down with the stomach flu about a month ago. Well, like a bad breakup in college, I have never fully gotten over it. Some days are better than others. Today was a bad day. So, reluctantly, I scheduled a doctor's appointment with a newish doctor that I've seen for only a year. He's really nice, but I've only really seen him when I've kind of been at my worst like when I wait for three weeks with Bronchitis see-him-at-my-worst.

Back to reluctantly dialing. I mentioned to the girls at work that I really didn't want to make that phone call because the good doctor's receptionist would ask me why I wanted to be seen. I was going to have to recite my symptoms (embarrassing and all) to her. Oh, and did I mention that I also have a teeny wart on my right foot that I need to take care of? This has caused me to shun all pedicures for almost 10 months. Sad, I know.

So there I am, telling a total stranger on the phone that I have every symptom of the stomach flu and, oh, by the way, I have warts. As we concluded the phone call to set the appointment, the receptionist on the other end honestly said these words to me, "Alright, Ms. Glass. we'll see you tomorrow at 3:00. Wart and flu!" (I put the exclamation point on that because she actually sounded cheery about it)

Yep. Once that doctor looks at my chart in the moments just before he enters the room, he's gonna be thrilled to open that door. Don't you think?

Kylee, who sits close by me at work overheard my flu and wart phone call and asked me how the doctor was going to remove my wart. I couldn't remember the exact name of the substance used for removal but explained to her that it was a freezing process. I also told her that when the physician brings in the dixie cup full of said substance a strange smoke billows out of it almost like something you see in movies when a scientist is working in a lab. It's actually very cool.

Sonya, also nearby, tried to remember the name of the substance. It was on the tips of our tongues. Was it hydroclorizone? Hydorcortizone? Hydrogen peroxide? Was it simply dry ice? That stuff smokes like crazy and it burns your skin, right?

I picked up the phone to call Jeremy because I was too lazy to walk to his desk. I asked him what the dear old doc would be using on me:

Me: What's the stuff that burns off warts that they use at the doctor's office?
Jeremy: Liquid nitrogen.
Me: Isn't that the stuff they use for bombs or something?
Jeremy: (Laughing) No, that's Nitroglycerin.
Me: So they are not the same then?
Jeremy: (Still laughing. At this point I can not only hear him laughing over the phone but also just over the half wall only six desks away.)
Me: What?
Jeremy: Well, I guess both would get rid of your wart. One would definitely work faster.

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