Brace Yourselves and Pace Yourselves

I have two dear friends Julee and Lee. You might remember them from an earlier post. Here are "likenesses" of them just in case you aren't familiar.

Here's Julee. If you think she looks an awful bit like Salma, you're not mistaken. Oh, and also, Julee and Salma share similar chest-like areas. I'm not even joking. They both have beautiful skin and...holy cow, would you check out that rack?


Here's Lee if he grew his hair out a little bit. I like the fact that he's kickin' it old school with his Saturday Night Fever jacket and button down shirt. I'm thinking that the real Lee might even own this very ensemble. Also, note the flag pin on Leeggo's right lapel. This suggests that he is patriotic, but not necessarily Democratic.



You certainly must remember that Lee enjoys concrete, skiing, passing out hams at Christmas and Lou Piniella. Ring a bell? While Julee lives for soup, snow peas, George Michael, men who love concrete and making out during children's animated films. (Update: Lee also enjoys the children's film thing)

Well, I thought I knew just about everything about my two favorite people, but recently, two new hobbies/interests they share were brought to my attention.

1. Pacing Themselves: Saturday, Julee and Lee decided it would be a good idea to wake up very early, put on their performance outdoor wear and run for 3.5 miles for no apparent reason. They did this in an organized manner, complete with registration forms and sports drinks. Lee asked Julee to be his "pacer" during the race. I'm not sure what that means in guy language, but it in the female world, it just means to be the person who sets the speed for the race. I sure hope Lee wasn't disappointed.

I can only take Julee at her word, but I believe she did an excellent job as the pacer since I have substantial proof that both of them are alive and didn't collapse mid-run or get lost in the downtown Salt Lake area. They both finished the race in under 25 minutes, thanks to Julee's patented "steady does it" technique. Her plan was simple and foolproof, 1) start running fast, 2) keep running fast and 3) stop when you've crossed that line thingy where everyone is clapping for you.

If left to his own devices, I think we'd find Lee exhausted, hungry and very disoriented days after the race. He might be texting on his phone for someone to pick him up, but with no way to tell how far or fast he's traveled sans Julee's superior pacing skills, he'd be alone and very scared on the mean streets of Salt Lake City. Julee thinks he would eventually make his way over to Temple Square area. She claims he would be drawn to all the bright lights and miles of concrete.

2: Bracing Themselves: Earlier this month, Ju-Lee made a quick and dirty trip to Vegas. They wanted to explore Nevada's city of lights and take in all that it has to offer (via alcohol and slot machines).

When telling me about their 24 hour trip to Vegas, Julee said, "Jen, we totally looked like tourists while we were there. It was kind of embarrassing."

I assured her that white tennis shoes and a fanny pack were nothing to be embarrassed of. All the Utahans wear that stuff down there. It's how we can identify each other in case we get lost and find ourselves stuck in a Cirque du Soleil Mistire show. But no, the touristy activity Ju-Lee fell prey to was none other than a little boozin' and foot cruisin'.

I'm pretty sure this is how the two of them looked the entire time they were in Vegas - like a 40 oz. Mike's Hard Lemonade paired with a 40 oz. Latin beer. If you look hard enough and long enough at this image, you can almost hear the two of them shouting, "Forty is the new sixteen!"