February 9, 2010

Your body is a temple, but how long can you live in the same house before you redecorate?

I don’t have a tattoo. I don’t think I want one either. It’s not that I don’t like them, because I do…sometimes. I appreciate them, especially a quality one. I abhor the cheesy ones.

Now, before you get all uppity up in here, let me say that I don’t mean your tattoos or your friend’s tattoos. Those? Are bitchin’ as hell.

Some of my dear friends have the ink. Take for instance, this guy, Captain Dumbass, famous to tens of people on the internet and always first in my reader. He’s got himself an entire mural going on.

(FYI: The Captain is famous to thousands on the internet.)

This next tattoo belongs to Miss Grace. She is not only one of my favorite bloggers, but she has THEE best tat in the functional/literary category. (I guess the Captain's would be first place in the scary mythical creatures that breathe fire and will most definitely kill you category.)


(In case you can't quite make out exactly what her tattoo is, it's a scene from Where The Wild Things Are.) I imagine if Miss Grace ever gets really tired when she’s putting her son to bed, she could just roll over and let her back do the talkin’. How cool is that?

Even my daughter’s cute little birthmom gave herself a tattoo as sentimental reminder of Reese to carry with her always. (It’s on my facebook photo page if you’d like to see.) To be clear, I don't think she gave the tattoo to herself. I'm pretty sure she paid someone to do it....

I’m just too fickle to get tattooed. I can't make my mind up for more than a minute. I once indulged in a Henna tattoo at a carnival and wished I could change it moments after the seemingly buzzed and definitely sweaty guy began painting it on my arm. Although, it could have been the mixture of the suspect corn dog I had just eaten and the mustard stain in sweaty guy's beard from the corn dog he had just eaten. We will never know.

Last week, Jeremy and I were talking about the flesh ink and we began throwing out ideas for tats that would be fun to see on someone else, someone more secure in their choices. We have assembled a short list of five designs below. Any feedback or suggestions you have are welcomed:

1) A beautiful, but barely legible script font along the back neckline that reads: I have made a huge misteak.
2) A smallish representation of The Simpsons Comic Book Guy with a thought bubble coming from his head with the words: Worst tattoo ever.
3) A lower back tattoo, or “tramp stamp”, if you will, that reads: You’re welcome.
4) Another lower back option. This time it would be a simple, yet noticeable red dot with the words: You are here written next to it.
5) And finally, in bold sans-serif print, anywhere on your body: Love lasts forever, but a tattoo lasts six months longer.

Special thanks to the Captain and Miss Grace for letting me use their backsides in this post!

35 comments:

lizgizzy said...

Miss Grace's tattoo is gorgeous. I love your list. For 3 and 4 the positioning should be on the back or front. It is a positioning thing...hint hint, depends on what you are in to...hint hint...I guess if you have those on the front they are Super Tramp Stamps?

I have a tat on my ankle, it was wonderful when I first had it but now it is fading. Plus the ink makes the laser freak out when I'm having my legs lasered. Imagine smoke and burnt skin. It is really pretty awful little tattoo, but it is mine, all mine.

Miss Grace said...

Jeeze I love you.

Miss Grace said...

Also here is a more nowish pic of my tattoo for any interested parties: http://www.flickr.com/photos/grace134/4048905178/

(It's still not done)

Lady of Perpetual Chaos said...

I think the Simpson one is my favorite. Probably because I could hear the Comic Book Guy saying that in my head as I read it. And that, my friend, probably makes me a little crazy. I always thought it would be cool to have wedding bands tattooed on, but that's not nearly as cool as your list.

Kristina P. said...

I am totally getting my nipples tattoed.

Ms. Salti said...

Love the tats... I had forgotten about the Captain's ink. It really is amazing. Here's a thought: If there is ever a movie made about The Black Dagger Brotherhood member named Rhage (yes I know how corny that sounds) he could be the model for it. The character has a huge dragon tattooed on his back.

Anyway... I have a tattoo, and some days I love it, other days, I'm just like, meh. I am, however, going to get another one very soon. I'll let you know how that goes.

Jessica said...

I love the idea for tats, and I too heard the Simpsons guy talking as I read it.

-Do have a tat. Self designed Pacific Northwest Native American. Involves a couple of elements so I'll leave that to your imagination. Full back tat.

Back works best. That way you don't see it every day, so it's harder to get sick of. When you do catch sight of it it's like, "Oh yeah! Look at me and my ink; bow-chika-bow-bow!".

Tara@Sticky Fingers said...

There is one reason and one reason alone I won't be having no tat: the pain.
Plus I change my hair so often because I'm totally fickle and get bored easily.
So two, there are two reasons.
Miss Grace, it looks beeautiful but OWWWWW

Dudette said...

I have always wanted a tattoo. I want an anchor with 5 flowers to represent the 5 years I spent in the US Coast Guard. But...I'm skeered. Mostly of how permanent it would be and what my body would look like when I'm 75 (or even younger) and I'm a wrinkled prune or a puffed up blowfish. Who knows...

Captain Dumbass said...

If I could go back in time, I'd totally steal Miss Grace's idea. Actually, if I could go back in time I'd probably chicken out because that thing hurt like a beeeyatch!

And my vote is for "you are here."

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

In which I confess...

I got a tattoo this summer of a Japanese koi fish. Hurt like a mofo (and I'm not one to use that kind of language!) but hurt it did. Like a friend told me "well it's not licked on by kittens you know".

Dumbass told me long before I got mine to get over it. It hurts. But it's worth it.

He was right. I like my fishy friend and what he represents to me.

Irish Gumbo said...

So I guess you wouldn't care for a huge sunface on your back with the words "Search and Destroy" over it, a la Henry Rollins?

Darn. I just about would pay to see that.

Any suggestions for the Gumbo? Something tasteful and elegant, like I am ;)

Middle Aged Woman said...

I saw Miss Grace in person at BlogHer last July. I ran up to her at a party and said, "I saw your back on Captain Dumbass!" It didn't really come out how I meant it.

just making my way said...

Those tats are both excellent. I myself am kind of annoyed because I have a tattoo, one of my three, on my lower back. And I got it well before it was EVER referred to as a TRAMP STAMP! But now I have to live the rest of my life with that label. Damn those tramps.

Comic Book Guy idea made me laugh!

Sprite's Keeper said...

Number 5 makes me love you more. Us Jews aren't supposed to be inked, but I would break tradition for 5. Anything for snark.

Dr Zibbs said...

Why? Just....why?

Jenni said...

Like you, I'm much to worried I'd end up hating whatever it was I decided to tattoo on myself. Because sometimes? I see ridiculous tattoos that I know people must regret. And, I say this as a women who comes from a very tattooed family: My dad has two (he has barbed wire on one of his arms, a la Pam Anderson, BAWHAHAHA!); my mom has 5 or 6 (including a rose tattoo on her boob and a tramp stamp; yes, she went there); my sister has one; my brother has maybe 8 or 10, including two half sleeves.

Me? Zero tattoos. But, see, one of my brother's tattoos is a skull wearing a jester hat. And that's just awful. Because who'd be buried in a jester hat? I mean, maybe a jester, but still it's not even funny. A skull in a chicken hat? Now that'd be funny. Wait, are tattoos not supposed to be funny? What were we talking about?

Pamela said...

I can't comment. I'm barfing.

Keely said...

Here.

Hours of entertainment. My fave is the tramp stamp that says, "My name is Julie."

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

I always wanted a tattoo but never pulled the trigger. There are so many tattoo options for the young. For the not so young (ie. moi), I'd have to go with something like "No longer young, just foolish."

Logical Libby said...

I thank God every day I didn't get a tattoo of a coyote when I was 18. I thought it would be so cool. Yeah, it just would have screamed "listened to the indigo Girls."

Sell...Party Of 4 said...

I love Kristina's comment and of course I love the You Are Here option.

I am way to big of a chicken for such art, but I love to look! =)

Michele said...

I waited until I was 47 to get my tat. Why? Because, it took that long to make up my mind. fickle? Why yes, thank you I am. Now, I have one. 3 years later I still love it.

Zip n Tizzy said...

I once dreamt that I had a life size tattoo of cat woman tattooed onto my entire right side. It was entirely black and hot pink and looked pretty great (in a dreamy way) until I put on shorts and a tee-shirt and then it just looked like a giant black and hot pink blob.
I woke up and thought, "That's why I'll never get a tattoo."

cult leader said...

if you want to make sure you NEVER get a tattoo. you could always go by ugliesttattoos.com they sometimes have Adult content. but its halarious the poor decisions people make.

GreenJello said...

I can totally hear the Comic Book Guy's voice saying that in my head as I read... Scary.

Casey said...

Ouch. Awesome tats but just ouch. Mine is tiny and hidden and it was a big misteak and not the medium rare kind.

Trooper Thorn said...

I'd like to get a tattoo of a bruise.

Jenni Jiggety said...

I can't get a tattoo because I am can't stop thinking about what it would look like in 40 years when I am saggy and old.

Plus I am afraid of needles, hepatitis, and Kat Von Dee.

MommyNamedApril said...

you never fail to bring a smile to my face :-)

my hubs has tats... not me. i don't like any part of my body enough to show it off with a tat. and if i did? i probably wouldn't want to cover it with a tat. hehe :-)

Jessica said...

I have something you can tattoo on yer bad self;
I’m passing the Beautiful Blogger Award on to you!

That’s right YOU! Wear it proudly.
You can even visit my site and see it in big, fancified “Matter-O-Facto” and get the 411 / the skinny/ the shiznit.
Most importantly, the Pic. ;)
You So Rock! I want to weep at your awesomeness.

Frogs in my formula said...

I have a tattoo but I hate it. When I was 16 my friend picked me up with a 6-pack. She told me I was too goody goody and that for my birthday she was making me get a tattoo. I now have black wave things on my lower hip. I have no idea what the hell they are.

I like all your ideas. They're funny.

A Lawyer Mom's Musings said...

Two things I know about myself: I'm not the kind of girl who could carry off a tattoo at the age of 80 and I'm not the kind of girl who could endure that kind of pain. No thanks!

Elly said...

The laser is awesome. The pain is magnificent. Try snapping a rubber band on your sunburned skin.
Sweet... my hobby

Lisa @ Boondock Ramblings said...

That is a little extensive on the tattooing if you ask me. It shows that they have a feeling of hatred toward their bodies and...blah-de-blah...Yeah, not serious.

Anyhow...the guy from Yo Gabba Gabba across someone's back would be wicked awesome....creepy..but awesome.