February 1, 2010

Wait. Loss. Black. Ice.

I forget what week, or year even, it is for our HASAY Challenge update. I haven’t participated in an update since April. For those of you who don’t know, HASAY stands for Half as Small as You and it is a fitness support group founded by my dear friend Casey over at Half as Good as You after a bunch of her readers mocked her relentlessly about placing her dog Chloe on the treadmill as a form of outsourcing her own exercise needs.

Don’t judge. I’d do the same thing too, but my dogs aren’t coordinated enough to work the controls on our treadmill and complain about the workout music I've downloaded on my iPod. FYI, canines are not down with the GaGa.

For my fitness regimen, I’ve been braving Utah's bitter cold to run/walk the nature trail near my house. The trail system, in its entirety, is about nine miles long and laced with patches of black ice. I’ve managed to navigate three or four miles of it before I; a) Slip and break a hip, or b) Lie down and writhe around in pretend pain in the hopes that I can convince the middle schoolers on the path that I have slipped and bribe them with the left over Kit Kat candy bards I carry in my fanny pack to give me a ride back home on the handle bar of their bikes.

That's right. I jog with a fanny pack. How else am I supposed to carry my candy?

So I’m back on the exercise kick and I am in it to win it. And by “win it”, I mean an all expense paid vacation to Florida to be with Casey herself. And by “all expense vacation”, I mean whoever wins the HASAY Challenge must foot the bill for their own airfare, lodging and meals to make the “prize vacation” actually happen.

Casey hasn’t exactly agreed to host the winner, and she doesn't even know there is a contest at stake here, but I really, really need there to be some sort of carrot dangled in front of me in order to be successful. Sooooooooo, I have taken it upon myself to carefully hammer out the details for the HASAY Challenge winner below. I call it The Tiger Woods Odyssey Experience.

Casey will pick you up in her brother’s ’93 Toyota Corolla and after you swing by the McDonald’s drive thru, she will chauffeur you and her two small children on the open road for three full hours of driving by the infamous locations of Tiger’s favorite haunts. She claims she knows a guy who knows a guy who kinda-sorta knows where the gate entrance is to one of Tiger’s many Florida mansions. Casey will drive by slowly for photo op here as well as the bars, pro shops, pancake houses, etc. where Tiger spent a good deal of his time. The tour winds down around 4:00 because, according to Casey, that's when her brother's classes are finished at the community college and he needs his car back for his night job.

So, who else is with me?

26 comments:

Kristina P. said...

DId you say fanny pack? You must go back and read my fanny pack post.

http://adamandkristinapulsipher.blogspot.com/2009/11/leader-of-fanny-pack.html

Jess said...

Are you kidding! I am TOTALLY with you! Mostly for the candy in your fanny pack...I remember how much those fuckers can hold and I am willing to bet that you have some Spree and chewy sour Lifesavers.

Casey said...

I'm with you too, but does that mean I have to give myself a tour?

The trick to putting your dogs on a treadmill is to just tie their collar to it and then blast the music REALLY loud so you don't hear the yelping as they learn to correct their footing. Works like a charm.

I admire a fellow candy eating exercise fanatic. If there's not something in it for you, why do it at all?

Good work getting back on the wagon. I will gladly give you a tour when you pay your way down here.

Michele said...

Game ON!

middle-aged-woman said...

McDonald's? In Florida? But why, when there are so many great Cracker Barrels and Waffle Houses around?

jen said...

crap. i don't even have the excuse of pregnancy anymore.
i guess that means i'm in.

but wait ... how many weeks do the midwives recommend before initiating an exercise program?? i'll have to check on that. i might be good for a couple of weeks.

then again ... i should hop on the bandwagon right now ... i think i lost a good 15-20 pounds this week.

Carolyn...Online said...

I'm not in. But I'll hold onto your KitKats til you get back.

just making my way said...

I could be in. I've been psyching myself up to start doing some kind of exercise. The lure of Kit-Kats is pretty strong.

Captain Dumbass said...

I'm down with that. Down, like my belly over the lip of my jeans.

Jenni said...

You had me at McDonalds.

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

"canines are not down with the GaGa"

Funniest. Line. Ever.

Yeah, I was doing the HASAY. I lasted what like four days before the Oreo's leapt off the shelf and attacked my shopping cart? Freakin Oreo's you can't trust em. And now the girls scouts are stalking me, I'm doomed.

April said...

:-) if you're in florida you better come and entertain my kids too! err... i mean, come and spend quality grown up time with me ;-)

Mrsbear said...

As I read your post, I was carelessly tossing M & Ms in to my Light n' Fit yogurt, enjoying the weird blend of Key Lime flavoring and color bleeding chocolates. What? It works for me.

Count me in. It is only six hours away, and while I'm not a fan of Tiger's, I am a fan of ditching my kids for a McDonald's Drive Thru.

I'll start tomorrow.

Pamela said...

CAPTAIN DUMBASS HAS A DICKIE-DO!!!

Pamela said...

his belly.
it hangs farther down than.
his dickie. do.

MsPicketToYou said...

do you have any smokes in your fanny pack? no?

well, i'm with you in spirit. and eating peanut m&ms.

Irish Gumbo said...

I'm "down" but not "in", dig? 'Cause I'm writhing in pain after having slipped on some black ice while reaching into my fanny pack for some Oreos...

robin said...

Swap the Kit-Kats for a bunch of Snickers bars and I'm totes in.

Sprite's Keeper said...

Not only am I with you, I am 2 hours South of Casey. Once her restraining order becomes effective, that's about as close as you can get anyway, so come on over!

Twenty Four At Heart said...

You've totally motivated me to see if my Golden Retriever enjoys our elliptical!

A Lawyer Mom's Musings said...

Finally, a blog contest I want to enter!

Middle Aged Woman Blogging said...

I quit smoking (for the 2nd time) just before Christmas. I quite the 1st time for 23 yrs. I'm in it for the long haul this time! I started exercising and lifting a few weights. Good luck to us all!

literallylisa said...

I took you for a fannypacker from the beginning.

Jessica said...

You had ME at Kit Kat.
(McDonalds is for Yanks. Y'all need to try Popeye's.)

I'll skip the trip to Florida as I'm already stranded on this god-forsaken hunk of desolate coral at the end of the earth .. and Tiger is all yours .. and Latisha's, and Candies, and Sparkle's, and Taffie's, and Roxann's ...

I actually grew up in Utah; I'll trade you your Kit Kat and mountains for my cheese grits and swamps.
You can keep the fanny pack.

Andrea said...

random read:
good luck! i am simiply chasing 2 children under 2yrs old around to get my exercise.

Bex said...

wait. what? there's a contest?!?!? i had no idea... oh, you were jesting. my bad.