January 28, 2010

Jersey Can be a State of Mind Too

It’s 11:00 at night on Christmas Eve and I’m downstairs in our basement all alone. I’ve told my husband I’m wrapping a few last minute gifts for the kids but really I’m sprawled out on top of the wrapping paper, positioned on my stomach, head resting on folded arms, legs kicking the sofa behind me, staring up at the television and oblivious to the world around me.

Why?

Three words.

The. Jersey. Shore.

That night I discovered exactly what a Snookie "Poof" was. That’s the night I saw The Situation for the very first time. That’s the night my world was changed for the better.

When I saw those eight orange twenty-somethings fist pumping around the boardwalk and treating the Garden State like their own personal Caligula, I snapped out of my eight month long funk devoid of emotion. I kid you not.

I thought to myself, Self, if this spectacle is out there, who knows what other awesomeness exists? And, Self, get up, wipe the chocolate santa stains off your festive sweats (they were red!) and explore all that you have been missing!

But instead of jumping up and seizing my new found excitement immediately, I thought it best to roll over on my side just far enough to grab another piece of candy and hunker down to watch myself a Jersey Shore marathon. It's always important to pace yourselves with life changing moments.

The next morning, Christmas day, after the presents were all opened, long after our company had arrived, I found myself trying to work The Jersey Shore kids into conversations with my family. Sadly, no one would join in (willingly). Actually, no one knew who the hell I was talking about. I kept shouting We’ve got ourselves a situation here! while making breakfast upstairs. My poor mom, hearing my squawking would run up two flights to see what I had set on fire. Eventually she became too tired to traipse up and down the stairs so she resigned to sit herself at my kitchen table and pretend to read the waffle iron manual with great interest so she didn’t have to engage me in any way when I went over, in great detail, my plot for a second reality show for Snookie titled Snookin' for Love.

Was it divine inspiration that led me to The Jersey Shore marathon? No. Was it a lack of current programming on the part of MTV? I think so. Whatever it was, it was kismet-ish enough for me to finally see it was time for me to stop throwing myself pity parties (which were all the rage in my head - with my house DJ and killer mini sausage hors d’oeuvres and all) and start concentrating on witty things to say to The Situation when I eventually see him at a mall opening ten years from now somewhere in upstate New York because we all know that’s where these kids are going to end up eventually.

So far, all I’ve come up with is, “It looks like this Situation has been downgraded to a Predicament.”

This post was thrown up here today as participation in the ever so lovely Sprite’s Keeper and her Spin Cycle. If you aren’t part of it, you should be.

31 comments:

Kristina P. said...

There is no shame in this. I don't just watch this show when nothing better is on, this IS the something better.

*fist pump!*

Jenni said...

Favorite Jersey Shore Quote: "Can I be honest with you? All we're interested in is getting chicks and going to the gym."

Truer words have never been spoken.

Jenni said...

Oh, and *fist pump!* *fist pump!* *fist pump!*

Jess said...

I tried, tried, TRIED to watch that damn show, but it just made my face make funny expressions and saddened me because I am almost not in my 20's and I am my ability to tolerate retardiculousness is going away. WHERE HAS MY YOUTH GONE?!? WILL IT RETURN! I WANT TO WATCH DUMB SHIT TOO! Gah.

Sherendipity said...

I can't do it. I cannot succumb. I will not succumb.

Kat said...

Is it sad that I am seriously debating downloading The Jersey Shore episodes now?? Damn living in the UK!!

Melanie said...

hmm that is one I haven't watched yet....but if I do, and decide I like it.....I blame you....lol.
Glad to see you are back!

Mrsbear said...

My sister swears by Jersey Shore, although I haven't been able to get in to it myself. I've had my share of trashy TV addictions though. I won't go in to details about my infatuation with the Rock of Love (Bus) girls...But I get it.

"Situation downgraded to a Predicament."

Snorted my afternoon coffee at that one!

Captain Dumbass said...

I don't know what you're talking about, but I saw something about mini-sausages and now I'm hungry.

Nature's Revenge said...

Brilliant writing. *fist pump*

(AJ)

Ms. Salti said...

Aaaand.... She's back! I love it!

I haven't watched this show... yet. I'm vaguely intrigued though. I might have to catch me an episode or two.

Middle Aged Woman said...

"Snookin' for love in all the wrong places...."

Now....this song will be in my head the rest of today. And sausages.

April said...

hehehehehehe... i've never watched the show, but i saw them all interviewed on Chelsea Lately and it was the best damned programming i've seen in months.

just making my way said...

Well, I'm not sure I can condone "Jersey Shore." But that line about The Situation had me cracking up. (So yes, I at least know who they are...)

And whatever got you out of the funk can't be all bad!

Sprite's Keeper said...

All right. You've convinced me. I will watch the show. (At least I'll be able to blame you for it!) You're linked! (Oh, joy! I get to say that to you again!)

Pamela said...

what the hell are you talking about?

Pamela said...

hookers.

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

The next time I throw myself a pity party can I borrow your DJ? And maybe can you supply some of those sausage hors d’oeuvres? ;)

OK, fine. If YOU and Kristina P. both think Jersey Shore is one to watch, I suppose I'll have to find room on my DVR to check it out. ;)

I should have added to my Happy Spin that I'm happy you're back. :)

gimmethejuice said...

Confession.... I've never watched this life changing show and I am not sure I can. I must limit my exposure to reality shows or I start to think that maybe, just maybe I could be the next Snookie. I mean, I all ready ordered my self tanner and some 'bump its' for mah hair. I just need to work in some gym time, find me a 'dilemma' ( get it? dilemma? situation? dilemma?) grab a camera and I am as good as gold. Oh, and if you wonder how I know all about the show with out watching I read smut magazines and Steenky's blog.

Carolyn...Online said...

So good to have you back. And The Predicament... hilarious.

Anonymous said...

Awesome! fantastic topic, but will this really work?

Keely said...

I haven't seen it yet. But I"m awfully happy it made you happy :)

Miss Grace said...

Yes. It is television made of magic. That these people even exist.

bejewell said...

You have successfully made me desire to watch orange douche bags traipse around New Jersey -- a feat I previously would have thought impossible. Congratulations.

Bee said...

I have no idea what the jersey shore is. This rock I live under only plays the dick van dyke show on a loop.

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

I don't know the show but I do know the real thing. I love the Jersey Shore all the way from Lavalette to Ocean Beach. Glad it snapped you out of the funk.

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

Oh and being addicted to weird stuff...the Diary of a Teen Mom (or whatever it's called). I've never even paused on MTV in ten years until last week when House wasn't on. Yep sucked right into this show and even made Hubby watch it the other night. That's his fault for not getting to the remote first.

Lisa @ Boondock Ramblings said...

I can"t say I have jumped on this wagon, but more power to you. :-)

Plus I love your take on it all!

Casey said...

I haven't actually seen the show yet and I'm skeered. Will you hold my hand and we can watch it together?

Bex said...

its 6am. day after christmas. i throw some clothes on in the dark.

hmmm... do you think ben folds five is upbeat enough for the 9 mile scenic trail ipod selection?

Lady of Perpetual Chaos said...

Honestly, I've never seen this show. But I'm currently reading a trashy book series that takes place in New Jersey. Can that be my Jersey State of Mind?!