August 1, 2008

The Friday Five

This week's installment of The Friday Five is...

The five real mysteries of Scooby-Doo, Where Are You? As of late, our family has been watching a lot of this cartoon. Henry discovered it about six months ago. It's brought back such nostalgia for both me and Jeremy. After watching it over and over, we've noticed that besides the mystery in every episode where the monster is eventually unmasked, we've come up with a few questions of our own.

Now mind you, I'm going to skip over all the obvious questions surrounding this show such as, 'Is Velma a lesbian?' or, 'Does anyone else in the Gang notice that Fred and Daphne always disappear to make sexy time?' or finally, 'Is Shaggy always stoned?' The answers to these questions are, yes, no and yes. In that order.

Here are the questions Jeremy and I ask ourselves each time we hear the Scooby-Doo theme song starting up:

1. What's with all the real estate fraud? Have you ever noticed that almost every episode revolves around this concept? Why don't the 'villains' just take the current land owners to court? Why not old fashioned murder? Not that I'm suggesting violence on a 1970's cartoon, but how did everyone get the revelation to spook people out of their property? And why don't the authorities ever suspect the Gang's involvement in any of this? After all, they're always smack dab in the middle of these elaborate property disputes. And wouldn't the Gang become wise to this eventually? You'd think after you've been chased by one vampire who was eventually unmasked as the old care-taker of the haunted hotel, the next immortal creature you ran across...well, you'd be a little wiser.

2. Why doesn't the Gang pay more attention to their surroundings initially? This would certainly save them at least 22 minutes per day, at least per episode. It would, however, rob us of seeing 'those meddling kids' visit the Snow Ghost in the Himalayas. And how'd that Mystery Machine make it up that hill?

Do you know how many mysteries involved hidden wires, transparent skis, projectors and mirrors? And that's just old school Scooby-Doo. On the What's New, Scooby-Doo? program, the techno-trickery involves, plasma screen televisions mounted to the bottom of boats, elaborate power point technology, lasers and mind operated computers.

If the Gang just would take a closer look at their surroundings and take the time to learn the difference between dry ice and actual smoke, their trips would be a little more hassle free.

3. What's up with Velma and her glasses? Seriously, she's always losing them. Even my three year old gets frustrated with her carelessness with those things. He's all, "Velma! Pick up your glasses already!"

Velma's a smart gal. I bet she gets good grades. Why doesn't she take some of the scholarship money and invest in LASEK eye surgery or at the very least contacts? Do you even know how many ghouls have gotten this close to capturing the Gang while old Velma looks for her specs?

Really, chick. Go see an Opthamologist.

4. Just how does the Gang know the Harlem Globe Trotters and Phyllis Diller? These folks show up, at random, through out the episodes. Don't get me wrong, I love that they have friends in high places, and I'm always for seeing a little Ms. Diller, but a little back story or character development wouldn't hurt either.

5. Why doesn't the Gang ever walk side by side? They always seem to travel in a single file line, one after the other. Additionally, they rarely talk while they walk. They seem to be really interested in what's ahead of them. They all have this goofy look on their face as though they can't wait to get to where it is they are walking, be it a cave in the basement of a haunted house, a wax museum or a deserted graveyard in New Orleans.


Jenny, the Bloggess said...

YES! Fucking A, I JUST said something about the rampant Scoobie Doo real estate fraud last month. Thank god I'm not the only one who notice it.

Jenny, the Bloggess said...

Oops. Sorry I said "fucking A" on your blog. I got excited. But seriously, why is it always real estate fraud? It's never just like "Oh, that guy was a schitzophrenic. Get back in your car."

jenboglass said...

Right on. Also, I consider it an honor and a privledge that you took the time to type "Fucking A" on my little blog. I'm totally getting buttons made that say "The Bloggess stopped by and said 'Fucking A'", with your consent of course. I'm only kidding...a little bit.

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