August 27, 2008

A Biker Dude Totally Harshed My Mellow That Wasn't Even Very Mellow To Begin With

An open letter to the Biker Dude who couldn't get past that I had a hair cut he's never seen before:

Dear Biker Guy;
Um, I sure hope your large banana split you had Monday night at The Dunes Restaurant in Ocean Park, Washington was delicious. It looked just heavenly dangling from your overgrown and unmaintained goatee. Thank you for taking the time out from scarfing down your dairy treat to glance at your wife and whisper in the LOUDEST whisper I’ve ever heard, “Hairdo!” and nod in my direction.

Your wife seemed confused and asked you time and time again what you were talking about. When you pointed directly at me, it should have been clear for her. You wanted her to look over at me nonchalantly and look at my hideous hair. From what I saw, this went on at least four times, before you rolled your eyes and finally gave up.

Biker Dude, let me gently walk you through something here. My ‘hairdo’ that you insisted on pointing out is called an A-line cut. Yes, the back is slightly shorter than the front. I intended it that way. My hair is naturally curly. I have no control over its unruly nature. You can take that one up with my mother.

And yes, it was awkward for you that I caught you talking about me and my curly mop while you were seated only seven feet away. Remember when you and your wife covertly discussed my hair then thought it was safe to glance at me? You were wrong. That’s why I didn’t look away. As my husband helped get my infant daughter settled and kept my three-year-old son from spilling his apple juice, you and I locked eyes for an uncomfortable seven seconds. I wanted you to know that I saw you talking about me. Your face turning red as you looked away told me you knew you were busted.

When my son caught me looking at you and then stared in your direction too, I did nothing to stop him. I sure hope that didn’t make you feel uncomfortable. When my daughter did the same, looking at you and your cool “My Bitch Fell Off The Bike” shirt I hope you didn’t feel self-conscious one bit. By the way, I loved that shirt. Twelve years ago.

Here’s my advice for you, Biker Guy, you never have any idea what someone is going through on any given day. Maybe someone is having a fine day and your comments would be brushed off without another thought. But sometimes that someone just finished up a rough seven hour drive on the road with two children and husband. Maybe one of those children was suffering in pain from an atrocious ear infection. Maybe that someone hadn’t slept well the night before because they were worried about their child and their health and not being able to get to a doctor or pharmacy because in this small town they are in, the nearest after hours is hours away. But don’t worry, their regular doctor has phoned in a prescription but since the pharmacy next door wasn’t open all weekend, it can’t be filled for another two or three hours. Maybe that someone, after being weary from travel, little sleep, consoling little ones just wanted to sit down, relax and enjoy a quick meal.

So next time you want to pop off, about someone’s appearance, you shouldn’t. It's something many of us already know. That’s why I never told you that you had ice cream dribbled on your precious biker shirt as you left the diner.

Loves, Jen

I don’t know why, but I kind of let this bother me for a few days. I even took a bunch of pictures of my hair to make sure I wasn’t crazy. My hair isn’t weird is it?


Captain Dumbass said...

Biker Dude's a dick.

Ali said...

what a douche.

Mama Dawg said...

No. Why would that haircut seem weird? I look like Mia Farrow (that pixie cut) and I barely get a glance.

My daughter, however, teases me by calling me "Daddy".

Captain Dumbass said...

Oh ya, and curly hair is hot. Not on you, of course, but other woman with husbands who aren't so large or live in a country with such lenient fire arms laws.

And Corey Haim is Canadian! But he's from Ontario so... oh, sorry ali.

jenboglass said...

Thanks you guys! I promise I didn't write this to get affirmations from you all. But seriously. My hair is tame. I was so paranoid afterwards.

Dumbass: Yes, he was a dick. Also, Americans do love their guns. Yes, husband is burley, but easily distracted if you mention college football.

Mama Dawg: Thanks for stopping by! I love your site. I notice that you read Sara Nielson too. How did you find her? Just curious.

Ali: Yes, total douche. Also, I have fondness for you and your site. Funny!

JuleeSLC said...

I second Captain Dumbasseseses' emotion. You need to share this experience with Matthew Barney, hairdresser to the stars.

monkey said...

um, your hair is...awesome. the end.

Sherry said...

That's the nicest *f*you letter that I've ever read. Let me know if you need lessons, 'cause I would have really let him have it. =]
Also, curls are beautiful. Wouldn't give mine up for anything but a very large sum of money. And even then I'd have to think about it....for at least five to seven million minutes.

Tracy Lynn said...

One should never take fashion advice from a man wearing that shirt. Especially with an ice cream goatee. Your hair is fine.

Sleep Deprivation Ninja said...

Your hair is way cooler than that biker's shirt. Doesn't he know, intentional chaotic is still the fashion these days.

Besides, biker dudes shouldn't criticize when they're missing a finger...oh, yeah... now he's missing a finger.

Anonymous said...

Your hair is totally cute. Biker dude is a dillweed.