July 16, 2008

Where's Mr. Hankey When You Need Him?

So a few nights ago, Jeremy and I had ourselves quite the experience. We spent a good 90 minutes with Henry on the toilet trying to coax a difficult...ahem...how can I put this delicately uncooperative bowel movement from his little body. There, I said it. All day long, Henners had insisted he had to do a number two, but when it came time to actually get down to business, he lost patience and would give up. You should know that we spent most of the day out and about at two separate birthday parties (one that involved a handful of 2-4 year olds in a water fight and the other at a park) so he wasn’t comfortable with his surroundings.

But at 9:00 at night, the smell radiating from the Little Man indicated that it was time for Jeremy and myself to perform an intervention. Note that over the next 90 minutes, the three of us spent an intense, sometimes humorous, often smelly time together in the confines of the guest bathroom.

9:00 Henry first sits on the potty. We let him know that he was home and could relax now.

9:01 Henry quickly loses concentration and asks to sing a few songs.

9:06 Still on the throne. Still singing songs.

9:10 Henry insists that if he takes a bath the BM will come.

9:12 Henry insists that by using soap crayons his BM will come.

9:20 No BM has come.

9:22 Back on the potty. Henry is promised that if he does his business, he can wear his Spidey shirt to bed.

Ten seconds later: A gleam appears in Henry’s eyes.

9:27 No BM. Jeremy and I began to question validity of elusive BM.

9:29 Stench from Henry causes us to retract our question.

9:30 Awkward eye contact between the three of us.

9:32 A second bath request is made. Jeremy and I oblige.

9:51 Henry insists he must pee in the potty.

10:00 Back on the potty. Still no BM. Henry asks if he can pet Meesha.

10:01 Promise of petting Meesha is made once a ‘major transaction’ happens.

10:05 More awkward eye contact.

10:06 Henry reminds us that if successful, his night involves a Spidey shirt and hanging out with Meesha. He adds that he wants to kick his orange ball five times too just to see if we are listening. We were listening and agree to the new terms.

10: 07-10:10 Henry repeats the terms of ‘the transaction’ at least five times.

10:14 Henry makes a raspberry sound with his mouth (farting noise), hops of the potty and announces that he has successfully made a BM.

10:15 Jeremy and I laughing hysterically.

10:16 Back on the potty.

10:17 Henry complains of a stomach ache. We talk soothingly to him and reassure him that he will be okay.

10:22 Henry shouts, “I’m scared!” We can see from the look on his face that something is happening how.


10:25 Hugs, jumping up and down (all three of us). Henry and I singing our specially potty song (This involves complex choreography and we each have our our own lines. Seriously, Jeremy has never been quite able to nail down a proper version of our family classic, 'Who Pooped In Potty?" - music and lyrics by Jen, arrangement by Henry)

10:27 Orange ball kicking (seven times - he squeezed two extra kicks out of the deal), Spidey shirt wearing and Jeremy and me chasing Meesha around the house to catch her to fulfill the rest of the bargain. Sorry there, old girl. Sometimes you’ve got to take one for the team.

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