June 12, 2008


Today at work something upset my friend Kylee. I won't say what it was. Something like this happened to me once as well. Oh yeah, but I was in the 7th grade. Also, I'm pretty sure it's happening in almost every middle school throughout the county. The point? Unless you are a tween girl, no one should put another person in this situation.

Anyway, Kylee was upset, and rightfully so.

I could see an animated conversation between Sonya and Kylee going down as Kylee was role playing what had happend to her earlier. Her arms were flailing all around. She meant business. I didn't pick up on most of it because I was rockin my new favorite song in my head phones. I meant business too. GETTIN' JIGGY WIT IT BUSINESS.

After all the arm flailing was over, Kylee wanted to go on a sweet treat run. I was too in my groove (once again, my new favorite song on repeat) to go with her and Sonya. When they returned I could tell that the walk had done Kylee some good. She announced that she felt bad that she had lost her temper even though her day had so closely followed the script for Mean Girls.

Kylee: Jen, I was so mad I even said all the swears.
Me: ALL of them?
Kylee: Yeah. The "S", the "D" and the "H".
Me: Oh, Kylee, there are so many more swears.
Sonya: Right. You didn't even work up to the good ones.

I need to make a mental note to ask Sara to give Kylee a quick course on creative swearing on Monday. Sara's a master. She's said things and used such complex combinations that it made my ears bleed. I've been fortunate to study under her tutelage for over six years.

Topics covered will include:
  1. Swearing? Should you? Yes. Hell yes.
  2. Proper Conjugation of Basic Swears. (This is for beginners only. This is for Kylee)
  3. Proper Usages of the Double and Triple Swears. (Only use the Quad in extreme situations, otherwise you run the risk of looking like a total douche.)
  4. Creative Swearing (Sara's specialty)
  5. Swearing Under Your Breath. (Another one of Sara's specialties)
  6. Masculine vs. Feminine Swears. Why it's never in good taste to call a woman an a**hole.
  7. Seasonal swears (Holidays, Bar Mitzvahs, company parties, etc.)

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