April 7, 2008

Vegas I: The Glass Identity

When we last left the Glass family we were finishing up lunch. From there, we headed to the famed Las Vegas Boulevard where we walked and talked about so many awesome things as we toured several hotels. Here's the Paris Hotel where we loitered first.

We ventured inside and strolled the shops just like I imagine they would have in France. They would have a Magnet Emporium and a CVS Pharmacy wouldn't they?

Here we are gambling at slot machines just like the folks do in gay Paris.

Here's Jeremy starting out with so much hope.

Here's Jeremy slowing losing his hope.

Here's Jeremy with all hope lost.

No matter. I figured the Euro is up on the dollar so we came out pretty good, even for losing, right? Jeremy had to explain to me that's not the way slot machines work.

While walking around, Jeremy and I did even more talking about so many awesome things:
  • Jeremy agreed to not refer to Las Vegas as “Lost Wages.” Ever.
  • We agreed no to eat at any restaurants with the name "Nugget" in the title.
  • I forgot it was legal to carry alcoholic beverages throughout the entire hotel and on to the streets. Jeremy coined the phrase “Taint the ‘Tah” referring that we weren’t in Utah anymore. He was so proud of himself. He wants to print that up on a T-shirt and sell them in bulk.
  • Jeremy revealed a new fighting technique that he had been thinking about lately. If ever confronted while holding a drink, Jeremy would toss it in the air over aggressor’s head forcing them to look up. Jeremy would then punch the aggressor’s neck with both fists, because I quote, “That has never been done before, Jen.” Anyone out there even thinking messing with Jeremy, consider yourself warned.

After talking about all the punching and drink throwing, we decided to head on down to the Miracle Mile shops at Planet Hollywood. I was desperate to get to Sephora and H&M. Here I am just before entering Sephora.

I was seriously so happy to be surrounded by so much lip gloss and foundation. Also making me happy at Sephora? An in-house DJ spinning hits with a twin that just danced to his grooves. Nice.

I have to say, I was disappointed in the H&M. It was small and not much of a selection. H&M, you are now officially “on notice” with me. I will see you again in 5 weeks in L.A. and if that doesn’t go well, I’m not sure what our future together holds.

Besides the Sephora, the only other saving grace at the Miracle Mile were the Segways. All the mall attendants circled the mall on these things. I couldn't wait to catch one of those girls in fish net stockings off guard and totally steal their ride.

After our scandalous shopping at Miracle Mile and one unfortunate detour into the M&M Candy store (my bad, I’ll admit it) we headed to our hotel, the MGM Grand.

Here's Jeremy trying to appear menacing outside our hotel entry.

I loved, loved our hotel. Here’s the giant lion in our lobby.

Here's real lions in the lobby too. These were part of the Lion Habitat exhibit.

Let me just state that I’m not crazy about all the “themes” in the Vegas hotels. I think they are corny. Case in point, I refused to even make eye contact with the New York, New York Hotel and it's attractions the entire time. This was difficult because it is located directly across the boulevard from the MGM Grand. Anyway, the theme of the MGM Grand was subtle, old Hollywood glam. I totally loved it. Everywhere you turned there was a cool black and white photo, beautifully framed of some Hollywood legend.

Here’s me kissing Old Blue Eyes (legend) in our hotel hallway on the 17th floor.

I was so excited to get to our room to see who would be hanging on our walls there. Our room was amazing and beautiful. It was cream and white d├ęcor with modern maple furniture with granite counter tops. It even had a fainting couch.

I quickly inventoried the room for the movie icons gracing our walls. We had Greta Garbo (foxy legend), Diane Keaton (quirky legend), Marilyn Monroe (sexy legend) and Lou Diamond Phillips (um...). What? He’s not iconic? We spent three days with Mr. Phillips. I still am not a fan.

We crashed on the bed for about an hour and watched Asian television. I’m not kidding. We were fixated on an Asian soap opera of some sort. All we could tell was that someone took some girl’s dog and dropped it at the veterinarian. She was desperate to get it back. Either that or her husband took it to the vet and she was mad at him for no good reason. Either way, there were lots of crusty looks being given between the two and dramatic pauses with music for effect. Jeremy and I were fixated on this for roughly 90 minutes.

Next we headed down to the MGM Grand Buffet in our hotel. Jeremy had been bragging it up for weeks. Supposedly he had eaten there last year. He was talking about it all day long. Here we are standing in line waiting for them to fix the credit card machine. They never got it fixed so we blew a crisp $100 bill that my Hollywood-type Uncle gave us for Christmas. Thanks, Uncle.

Once we entered the dining room, I noticed a look of confusion on Jeremy’s face. He didn’t really recognize this area like he thought he would. He was wondering where the “wall of fire” had gone. He also thought the set up was entirely different.

No matter, Jeremy was so excited for his plate full of steak, prime rib, turkey, crab legs, fried shrimp, peel and eat shrimp, crabcakes and salmon. Oh, he also had two slices of cheesecake.
My order, on the other hand, was a little smaller. I chose a greek tomato salad, a small plate of Greek olives, fruit, peel and eat shrimp and bread pudding. I also ordered 3 cokes, 2 waters and a grapefruit juice. What I didn’t eat in actual food, I totally made up for in beverages. Jeremy supported my 6 drink order by saying, “We paid $70 bucks for this sucker. Get our money’s worth anyway you can.”

We left feeling full and happy. We decided to walk outside to visit the Vegas Strip again. On our way out the door, I noticed that a heart throb of mine was appearing at the MGM Grand Garden Arena that very night.

Jeremy asked if I wanted to go see Mr. Jones. Unfortunately, I had only packed one bra and couldn't afford to toss it on the stage in a moment of weakness. Damn you, Tom Jones and your too tight pants and all your unnecessary plastic surgery.

As soon as we were outside, Jeremy noticed the Mandalay Bay Hotel across the street and let out a loud “Damnit!” Apparently, the “wall of fire” and the killer buffet that he had been remembering was located at that hotel not at the MGM Grand.

Here's the Fear and Intrigue part of our Vegas trip:
After touring another portion of the Vegas Strip, we decided that our feet had walked until they could walk no more. Also, Jeremy was jonesing for some more Asian TV. (Seriously, what was up with that dog?) As we were heading to the elevators in the hotel lobby we saw two girls that would become known to us as "the fedora girls". They were extremely tall, blonde wig wearing and hat having girls with so much make up (oh, the make up!), and slinky little dresses that didn't cover much of their bits. Anyway, one of the fedora girls bumped into Jeremy and gave him so much 'tude. She was fearful that he had mussed her hair (wig).

After awkward exchanges of dirty looks at the elevators finally got on our elevator. As we walked the hall to our room, we saw the fedora girls exit another elevator on our floor and enter a room just four doors down.

Fast forward to 4:10 am when I was awakened by "Nicole! Nicole! It's me, Polly." I then heard loud fist banging on a nearby door.

More fist banging then, "Dude, I'm like so sorry alright? Nicole, let me in!" This was followed my more fist banging and whining about being "so sorry and stuff." Then finally I heard, "You are a b@&%*, Nicole!"

Intrigued, I got out of bed and went to the peep hole to see who this Polly was. I can't be sure, it was so early in the morning, but I swear it the first fedora girl. Her wig was gone, but I recognized the skimpy dress. She was sitting down on the floor holding what looked like a hat. Whoever it was, she had either had a really rough night or the best night ever. Maybe both? I wonder if her and that b@&%* Nicole ever made up.

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