May 18, 2009

Random, a Tad Bit Early

Holy balls, its Tuesday. But it’s really Monday.

I was supposed to put up a Prom Post last week in conjunction with Stiletto Mom and Blissfully Caffeinated, but my attempts to locate my dance pictures were fruitless. Could I have burned them in a fit of rage sometime during college? Did I even get pictures taken? I’m sure I did. I have one more avenue to pursue before all efforts have been exhausted. It involves the exchange of small bills and a long-distance phone call. I think I’m up for the challenge. I will do anything to get my hands on those suckers short of calling up my prom dates from 10+ years ago to see if they're willing to check their parents' basement for images.

I do have some dignity.

I’m pretty sure my brain has turned to mush. Because of the kiddos, cartoons are on in the Steenky household the majority of the time. Jeremy often finds me staring glassy-eyed at the television drooling as an episode of Spongebob Squarepants or Scooby-Doo is playing.

To keep me somewhat sharp and “in the game” I have taken to inventing elaborate back stories for the characters in these programs.

Let’s talk about Scooby-Doo for a minute, shall we?

We all assume Fred and Daphne have a thing going. In MY world they have a tenuous relationship, flirtatious at best. However, Velma is a dirty girl and will get freaky with Fred and do things that Daphne is too prudish to consider.

Shaggy, of course, partakes in herbal refreshments from time to time. Velma and Fred join him regularly, but Fred have to be careful because he has been battling a nasty coke habit since his first year at Coolsville Community College. Only Velma knows this.

I’m haven’t quite figured out how the three of them support their drug habit other than siphoning Daphne’s trust fund and her paychecks from her part-time job at Banana Republic. The gang uses Daphne’s credit card to buy snacks and other sundry items while they travel about solving mysteries. She’s oblivious to this fact, or much else because she suffers from a nasty Vicodin habit.

See? I have suddenly made Scooby-Doo tolerable.

I had no idea who the Shamwow guy was until his sex scandal a few weeks ago. Now I’m totally obsessed with him, but not in a bad way. Now, Jeremy and I wait for the Shamwow commercials and each try to be the first one to yell “SHAMWOW, YOU WHORE!”

Jeremy always wins.

The weather has been nice lately so we’ve had our windows open. I wonder what the neighbors think about all the Shamwow whorin’ shouts at our place.

If you feel like being random, wait until Tuesday, and join in the random fun hosted by the lovely Keely at The Un-mom.

39 comments:

Jess said...

"Your gonna love my nuts..." Oh wait, that was for the slap chop, but who the fuck cares...still, doesn't he look a hot mess in that there photo? I suppose you would after having your tongue almost bit off by a rabid Miami whore...ahh, when will they learn! P.S. I wrote on Vince a while back, but I am still trying to dig up dirt on Billy Mayes.

Jess said...

OHHHHHHHHHhh I was first! And I came back to not say that, but correct Billy Mayes to Billy Mays.

Lisa said...

I often wondered if Velma really was just doing the dirty things Daphne wouldn't or if she was in a constant trisexual (yes, with Scooby too) triangle. But my triangle involved Daphne, Shaggy, and Scooby. She later became a pedophile when Scrappy joined the crew. Not sayin' just sayin.

Lisa said...

By the way. The correct Vince Shlomi terminology regarding this incident is: "Shamwow! He slap-chopped that bitch!" And yes. His name is Shlomi. Makes you think twice about buying from him.

Mama Dawg said...

That shamwow guy gives me the skeevies.

GreenJello said...

Ha! I love the Scooby Doo background. Now I'd like to see you do Spongebob.

Jenni said...

SHAMWOW SEX SCANDLE? Where have I been? Thank you Steenky. Thank you.

Sammanthia said...

Again, you're making me wish I weren't allergic. Thanks for that.;)

Ms. Salti said...

I would love to be your neighbor just to hear the random shouting coming from your open windows!

Sammanthia said...

Okay, so I just realized I scrolled through my reader and entered a comment on the wrong post so my comment makes absolutely no sense. I'm not allergic to the Sham Wow OR Spongebob Squarepants. I just thought I should clarify. I think I've officially lost it. Mark will be surprised... he keeps telling me I lost it years ago.

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

Even way back in the day of when Scooby was original and not in re-runs I always thought Fred was shagging {heh} someone. Who didn't want Daphne's wardrobe? There could a whole big "who would you be if you were a character from Scooby-Doo?" but that could really be far to scary to contemplate.

Andrea said...

I have to say as your biggest stalker, I may just have a prom pic that I'll send to you. For the right price of course.

Don't ask me HOW I obtained this photo but it is *AWESOME!* lol

(Seriously, I have some photo of you and some dude at a dance. You must have posted it on your blog or twitter or something and I saved it to my computer so I could zoom into it because I am BLIND and was trying to see it better. And since I never delete anything, it's still there!)

If you want it, you will have to call off the restraining order, meet me for drinks and give me a locket of your hair hooker. Or, just ask and I'll email it to you! :)

Jenni Jiggety said...

I love that ShamWow Guy...his mugshot is perrrrrrfect.

Also I am pretty sure that Leona Helmsley left Scooby millions of dollars in her will.

Rebekah said...

When we finally meet face to face, you will note firstly my UNCANNY resemblance to Velma.

Also? I don't know from ShamWow, is this a Utah Celebrity? Whatevs. I now just want to shout "ShamWow you WHORE!" Except that it's like saying Arnold Palmer several times and I can't get it out correctly...

Captain Dumbass said...

Shamwow whore? Thank you for that.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Jinkies! I just shamwowed a whore!

ChurchPunkMom said...

dude, Velma is so obviously kinky like that.

she's like.. SHAMWOW kinky.

Bex said...

Doesn't that shamwow guy just LOOK like someone who beat up a hooker? He gives me the heebie jeebies.

Scooby Doo had an episode where they all went on a cruise with Fred's family who is rich. This was a fairly new episode bc they had cell phones. So weird to see Scooby Doo with technology or their new alternative rock theme song. Although I have to say that Scooby Doo is nearly as cool as Spongebob in my book.

blissfully caffeinated said...

I seriously thought it was Tuesday all day until I read your post.

I LOVE that ShamWow guy. He also does the commercial for that kitchen chopper thing and when he does the nuts I die laughing. Every time.

If you need some muscle to help collect those prom pictures give me a call.

blissfully caffeinated said...

Slap chop! That's it. Ha! (Just went back through to read the comments.)

Pamela said...

I don't know what any of you people are talking about. Scooby WHO?

Dana's Brain said...

Now I really need to watch Scooby Doo again. So much more interesting.

I had NO idea about the ShamWow Whore! How could I have missed that story?! Thank goodness for you!

Becky said...

Oh yes! I love the idea of Velma as a dirty girl. It all makes sense now! I bet she'll "doo" it roggy ryle! Oh I crack myself up.

Thanks for tipping me off about the shamwow guy. I don't know what rock I've been living under.

Michele said...

I didn't even know who Shamwow was until he had his altercation. Shamwow whore, HA! I'll be using that one.

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

I too worry when the windows are open. We make a helluva lot of noise in this damn house.

Sprite's Keeper said...

Meh, my neighbors can think whatever they want. Our monitor used to pick up across the street's conversation, so I know exactly what the wife was up to until she changed her cellphone number. I didn't even need open windows to judge her!

Peggy said...

We now have the backstory on Velma, Fred, Shaggy and Daphne but where does Scooby fit into this twisted drug addled love rectangle?

Spongebob is most defintely a tweaker and Patrick's a doper.

You really have made it bearable...I look forward to watching tomorrow!

Mocha Dad said...

Seems as if you've given Scooby Doo a bit TOO much thought.

Lisa (Jonny's Mommy) said...

You always seem to be the one breaking the rules over there. *sigh* And you've so ruined...hmmm...improved Scooby-Doo for me. Only you would paint such an elaborate picture of their seedy pasts. :-) And I mean that as a compliment.

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

I think I will go read about the shamwow sex scandal...

Wicked Step Mom said...

I am so going to start stalking the TV for ShamWow commercials. I have never seen one!

I always hated Scooby-Doo. But now, I find it some what interesting. I am scared about what your back story would be for Squidward from SpongeBob. Just saying...

Ali said...

I just mentioned Boohbah today--remember that one? Now that needs some serious explaining!

Sassypants Wifey said...

Dang, see if we lived in the same neighborhood, at least our shouting would seem more normal if we werent the only ones. I think maybe some of our neighbors think we have tourettes, which hey, whatever. We tend to think they are all too prudish in the world of noise. Dude, I have noticed that I reference living near you and/or being friends in real life with you, just let me know if I cross that creepy line. (which only means that I will reference it less, not stop thinking it... Just bein honest, bahahaha)

Casey said...

Wow, I've never heard of this Shamwow person or his/her sex scandal but I think it's a sham. See how I used his name to bookend that sentence?

Keely said...

I always knew Velma was the secretly skanky one.

Where does Scrappy Doo fit in?

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