March 11, 2009

I've Been Lazy. My Husband's Been Pantless.

Aw, hell. I’ve gone missing again haven’t I? What’s my deal? I don’t know. I wish I could say that I’ve been traveling and keeping myself busy, but the truth of the matter is the furthest I’ve traveled is my 35-mile commute to and from work. Up hill, both ways.

Busy? Pfft. As if.

I mean, work has been crazy, don’t get me wrong. I’ve been so happy to see that our marketing department is thriving and busy during the downturn in the economy. Recessions are not kind to architects, people. They are even less kind for the support staff responsible for finding the work for architects. Everyone is nervous. Everyone is excited. Everyone is wondering why I haven’t washed my hair in three days. (Including my husband.)

But other than work, have I been busy? Nope. I have sat my a** down on the sofa almost every night and tried to teach my four year old, Henry, the art of a soothing foot rub. So far he’s not getting it at all. Not even close. My advice to you people is not expect perfection from a four-year old when you’re trying to explain to him how to “apply firm, but gentle pressure to mommy’s arches”. Even Reese, his 18-month old sister is grasping the fundamentals of a foot rub better than him. She bends down, smells our feet and then exclaims, “Pew!” as she toddles off. This will go on for a good hour. Reese also has no issue of pretending to smell the feet of complete strangers and proclaiming them stinky. I found one out the hard way at Noodles & Company, ya’ll.

For now, my tired feet and I have settled for Henry just running his little monster trucks up and down on the bottoms of my feet for about 30 seconds until he loses focus and decides he’d rather organize the shoes in his closet. I kid you not. The kid has more shoes than I do and he insists on lining them up next to each other in random formations. It’s not unusual to walk into his room and see his shoes situated in to form the letter “H” in the middle of the floor in his room. Last week, he asked me if I would go buy him some Iron Man shoes and some more Spiderman shoes so he could finish spelling out his name with all of them. So far, when he combines all his shoes together, he can get H-E-N-R before he runs out to complete the "Y". Yes, my child has THAT many shoes. At least he’s using them to learn something. He’s sort of a modern day Charlotte’s Web, wouldn’t you say?

I now feel the need to run right out and pick up a few cheap pairs of sandals for him. I fear that if I don’t, the next thing I’ll find on his floor a giant “F” and “U” out of his little size 7 Sketchers.

Jeremy blew out his pants last week. This has absolutely nothing to do with anything, but I just had to hurry and write it down before I forgot to tell you all. Those sad looking khakis ripped a good seven inches right down the middle of the seat of his pants while he was engaged in floor play with me and the kids. (Eww, if you read that too fast, it sounds like “foreplay” doesn’t it? Maybe that’s what he had in mind? Rip-away pants anyone?) Lucky for him, he was in the comfort of his own home when the wardrobe failure happened. Not so lucky for the rest of us, he wasn’t wearing any underwear at the time.

Well, until next time, (which could very well be tomorrow, or next month according to my erratic posting schedule) peace out, people. May you live long and prosper, and may your pants never, ever self destruct in front of small, inquisitive children or a spouse with a blog.

53 comments:

for a different kind of girl said...

PRAISES TO THE HEAVENS!!

reading now....

Jennifer said...

I'm glad to hear that my husband isn't the only one going Commando on a daily basis!

for a different kind of girl said...

I have never been first here, ever, so I'm so going to bask in that for a bit...

Is it entirely possible that you're married to The Hulk? Or, better yet, in an unexplainable way, Lou Ferrigno? Just in case, I'd be checking on the availabiltiy of some Hulk shoes for Henry.

Come back to us when you can. I'm totally down with just sitting on your a**, though. Well, not YOURS. I, personally, won't sit on YOURS. Even though I completely dig you, my goal is to not make you uncomfortable, and I imagine ME sitting on your a** would have that effect.

HeatherPride said...

I love wardrobe malfunctions. At least when they happen to other people...

Tara@Sticky Fingers said...

I use my childen for pampering sessions too!
I've taught my son how to run his knuckles up and down my spine and my little girl sits behind me and plays with my hair like we're in a hairdresser.
Are you telling me that isn't what they're there for?

Chris O said...

My husband's preferred attire is bike shorts which is like wearing nothing.

My son has about 40 pairs of shoes. He loves shoes. He is gay.

Michele said...

The pant episode had to have been too funny. Keep working with Henry. He'll get get eventually then he'll move out. Or is that just my kids?

Maggie May said...

I miss you, I really do miss your voice round here. I was just looking at your last post on my Google the other day and wondering if you had stopped permanently. Smootch.

Captain Dumbass said...

Don't deny the man his "freedom." Glad to hear you're both still employed. Two questions:

1. Connor wants to paint his room red. Do I let him or do I suggest a less murderous pallet?

2. Some of the letters on my CD: SAHD shirt are coming off. Can I mail it back to you to fix?

Kat said...

I have missed you so much! I was just wondering to myself earlier today "I wonder when ol steenkster will post" and lo and behold here it is.

That little wardrobe malfunction, the exact reason that I don't go commando. I have a fear, no wait, phobia that my pants will rip ala spongebob one day when I go to pick KiKi up.

Miss Grace said...

Hopefully next time will be tomorrow. Or later today? Who knows...

beth said...

A toy truck foot massage sounds heavenly. And yes, I read foreplay instead of floor play. One can only hope...

Pamela said...

My Henry has been asking me how to spell H lately. And by "lately" I mean ninety-five times a day. It's a good thing he's two, because if he was much older, I'd have to replace him.

Pamela said...

And I totally love that I'm number 13. That rocks.

Dingo said...

I started lurking and then you disappeared. Of course I wondered, "Was it something I didn't say?"

Did Reese have anything to say about the southern exposure incident?

Chris Wood said...

Self destruction pants ... whatever next.

Good to hear from you again!

Mrs. C. said...

Hey, nothing like a set of twig-n-berries hangin' out to motivate a gal to write! Husbands are funny.
If he insists on air-conditioned comfort around his unit, how about a pair of those fishnet briefs? Cool, comfortable, yet providing support and a hint of camouflage in case of seam failure...

jori-o said...

So good to see you! Glad to know that all is normal and well at the Steenky house--pantless though you may be!

Sassypants Wifey said...

Willikers! Glad to read a post from ya again.

I was guessing you knocked off a bank and were just layin low. Cause with Hubs possibly getting laid off, thats getting higher on my to do list... Maybe our bailout money is in the mail though. We can only hope right?

Bummer deal on the Pants, laughed hystarically at not only the situation but Mrs. C's solution. Good stuff right there.

Well hope you come around a little more.

colepack said...

You have been MIA for a while.
Um, nice (not really) visual of the splitting pants thing....

Casey said...

Glad to hear that you're alive. Post when the mood strikes you, we'll wait. It's like getting another Harry Potter book that nobody knew about. Welcome back, see you around.

Cameron said...

I'm sorry to hear about Jeremy's pants...was there a proper burial?

Ali said...

I've got news for you, a 7 year old isn't any better at a foot rub either--I'll let you know next year what you can expect but I'm not getting my hopes up.

Glad to hear from ya again--peace out.

Momma Trish said...

Been waiting eagerly for you to post again. Missing you.

Sorry to learn of Henry's poor foot rubbing skills. I wonder if they have preschooler remedial classes for that sort of thing?

Heather said...

I think it's time to buy some legos...or building blocks???

Cameron said...

Hey...Jeremy knows his farm critters. That is, indeed a cow.

Oh, and don't bother recruiting any love from Idaho, those people hate me (I can't figure it out, I'm so lovable)

Susan said...

Dang, I only started here just before your erratic postings I guess, and now I see you at the top of my blog roll knowing you finally updated and I'm like all "hell yeah, she finally posted something" and I'm laughing my ass off as I usually do after reading your writes. Welcome back, at least for the month of March!

Sprite's Keeper said...

Jenbo! I've missed you! Please go easy on Henry and his foot rub skills. I heard kids don't come into their own until 5, so he's just staying within the trend. John went commando on Sunday, but couldn't handle the pressure and bought some boxers and put them on right in the back of our van. Totally mooned a bus full of Mexican immigrants, but the tint probably didn't show anything. I think. They DID honk..

jen said...

good to see/hear/read you again! miss you when you are gone like that!
same pant ripping episode happened to a 5th grade girl today at our school while playing with friends ... now jeremy doesn't feel so bad, does he?

Keely said...

Have you ever offered the poor child pen and paper? Just wondering.

Glad you're "back", post when you can! I can't believe how exhausting blogging can be.

The Stiletto Mom said...

Thank God in heaven...you are back! Jeremy, it was time for some new pants anyway, huh? Henners and Reesie? Get your act together...Mommy needs to be pampered!

Wicked Step Mom said...

I would seriously be upset if my guy was going commando. Especially, with a wardrobe as a possibility.

You son has more shoes than I do too. That kind of frightens me.

GreenJello said...

She's alive! Alive!!!!

When you get Henry trained on the foot massage thing, send him down my way, ok?

Jenni said...

hey there, hooker, how are ya? sorry to hear about jeremy's pants. the other day, I was squatting down to change Miles' diaper and my Mom's Crack was haniging out and Oscar came over and suck his finger in it. Nice, huh?

Jonny's Mommy said...

That husband, pantless thing...really had me going.

I'm glad you're back. I missed the laughter, the tears...but mainly the laughter.

Now send your 4-year old over to rub my feet when he learns. Pronto~!

Cat said...

Glad to hear you're still kicking.

Dana's Brain said...

My son has more shoes then I do as well. How that happened, I have no idea. He is not spelling with them yet, thank goodness. That could just get ugly.

I also can SO envision that wardrobe malfunction happening in our house! Commando and all. Yikes, think I'll go check my husband's pants...

Jess said...

Ah ha! You ARE alive...the rumors were rampant...

No underwear on the hubby...hummm...

Sherendipity said...

Oh Jenilicious, how I've missed you so.

Me, You, or Ellie said...

I really really need more shoes.

And underwear? Strictly for chumps.

Ellie

DeeMarie said...

First off- Love you.
Second- My nephew used to drive his cars up and down my back. I got him to do it a few months ago. He decided it must have been more fun when he was little, because he was no longer entertained by it.
Third- I need Henner's shoe collection.
Fourth- My pants ripped once at the seam... but I was at work. Good times.
Fifth- Phone int went well too. I'll keep you posted.

apathy lounge said...

When you said "pants blow out" I was really thinking about something else. Glad I was wrong. Really glad.

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

Life and living, sorting it all all out and making room for everything, including down time, isn't easy, is it?

Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

hahahaha, hilarious! I love that your son can almost write his name with his shoes. Unfortunately, my daughter could write hers AND your son's with hers. yes, mommy has a shopping problem...

And your husband blowing out his pants is also priceless. I wish something that hilarious would happen to my husband (as long as I got to witness it!)

Laufa said...

LOL poor Jeremy, serves him right, for not wearing any underwear. Guess I should be saying poor you - you got the full moon. Welcome back, again!!
PS Great Survival post!

April said...

awwwww.... so glad you're back!!! and i love your post to reese too :-) glad you got out. so so so glad you got out.

Carolyn...Online said...

Where oh where have you been... I know you haven't been anywhere. You just told me that.

And that other post about Reese? I know you closed comments but I'm sneaky and I can tell you in here that it was lovely.

bsouth said...

Thank goodness you only post sporadically because I only get online sporadically so I can pretty much keep up to date with your very well written and very funny blog.

Red Cup Mom said...

Haha! Funny as heck!

So, that's a whole lotta shoes for Henry. Wal Mart has shoes on the cheap though. That is, if you need more.

Bex said...

hi! i'm commenting on this post because i have an award waiting for you at my blog! (your most recent post is closed for comments, very wise steenky-son)

HarryJack's Mom said...

Oh, I've missed you! I understand the lazy part, but thanx for bringing back the steenk! And for being so brave about the survival - I chickened out, but admire your courage on all counts :hug:

Zip n Tizzy said...

This post- Very funny as always. I can only imagine how hard you were all laughing... Jeremy included.

You're most recent post - Beautiful. Your daughter is fortunate to have such a strong Mama who knows how to really embrace life.

TattooedMinivanMom said...

Oh, I'm sorry, I was here to order another bottle of awesomesauce...are you sold out or something?