The other day, Jeremy told me that our love reminded him of a song by Ratt titled You’re in Love, but when I heard him say those words I thought he said Urine Love and I was all, “Why the h*ll would our love remind him of urine?” Offended, I then gave my husband the silent treatment for about three hours and thought of ways to poison his food without implicating myself in any way. I realize that by writing this here, I may cause myself some problems in the future if Jeremy does accidentally choke on a burrito or eats bad hummus that does him in. All ten of you will likely turn me in, and since I have a previous record, the law may not look too kindly on me.
But rest assured, before I actually purchased the strychnine for my husband's hummus, I had a moment of clarity and realized that I need to keep focused on the bigger picture here. Urine doesn’t bother me, not one bit. The fact that he still listens to Ratt, a second-tier 80's hair band at best, is perhaps the most troubling thing for me.
This got me to thinking, if urine doesn’t bother me, then I am either very laid back or I have much bigger troubles. I’m definitely not laid back, so what else is bothering me? Well, for one, the economy is in the crapper and the entire construction industry has taken a giant dump. This does not bode well for the Steenky family who make their livelihoods in architecture.
Can I confess something to you? The economy has me terrified. Jeremy and I both feel so lucky to have our jobs right now. We’ve had to have some pretty pointed discussions lately and have yet to decide which one of us should be voted out of the family in the event of hard times, barring any unforeseen tragedy with a burrito or poisoned hummus. I’m pretty sure if the family had to take a vote at this point, it would be extremely close. Jeremy buys Henry lots of treats and he’s got one of the dogs on his side too. I, on the other hand have both cats firmly in my camp and, depending on the day, the other dog. Reese is the wild-card here. On the one hand, she really likes her cuddle time with me, but that's no match for the thrill she gets when she plays with Jeremy's eye glasses. In order to preserve my position in my family, I have resorted to wearing my glasses as much as possible and throwing candy at Henry whenever we're together. Henry's never been happier but Jeremy is starting to ask a lot of questions. Every vote counts, right?
But for now, no vote is needed because Jeremy and I both still have our jobs. But I'm not sure for how long. I'd like to think we're safe from any layoffs, but you just never know. Lucky for Jeremy, he's been working several angles to preserve his position at work. For example, Jeremy has himself a work husband. And this work husband? He has some clout. He's the CFO of our firm and Jeremy's closest friend in the office. I often find them huddled together in the corner talking about baseball, fishing, cars and tennis shorts.
But I'm fearful that Jeremy's recent antics may have jeopardized any favored status he has with the CFO. You see, a few months ago, Jeremy sneaked down to the parking garage at work and switched out the rear license plate frame on his work husband's new convertable Mustang from the stock frame to a custom-ordered one that reads “My other ride is your mom”.
Oh, we all had a good laugh a few weeks later when the CFO eventually found it, but now I'm just a little nervous. I told Jeremy last night that I thought maybe it was a bad idea that he switched the frame on our boss' car and let him drive around for weeks advertising that he's hot for mothers. He nodded in agreement and confessed that the frame was a tad bit inappropriate. He went on to explain that since his buddy drives a convertible, it would have been better to order the "When I get hot I take my top off" frame instead. He assures me that he'll never make that mistake again.
Folks, I now must leave you with that rambling story for pretty much the remainder of the month. I KNOW. What am I doing? Well, let me tell you what I'm doing. I'm going to take a short breather and spend some quality time with my family. All that 30 posts in 30 days stuff just wore me ragged. I didn't even participate in that beast of a challenge, but visiting you all that did participate and reading all your amazing posts led me to neglect my home and personal grooming habits. Seriously, I think I went two weeks without shaving.
I have two guest posts scheduled for this month (Oscarelli and Tracy Kaply, Inc.) and I'll post links here on the days that they run. I'm sure I'll give in and sneak a few posts in here and there, but for the remainder of the year it will be at random. Even though I'm taking a mini break from writing, that in no way implies that I'll be taking the same sort of break from stalking all of you and harassing you endlessly.