December 3, 2008

A Rambling Post That Goes Nowhere Really Fast But Mentions Urine, Poison And The Economy So You Might Want To Read It Anyway

The other day, Jeremy told me that our love reminded him of a song by Ratt titled You’re in Love, but when I heard him say those words I thought he said Urine Love and I was all, “Why the h*ll would our love remind him of urine?” Offended, I then gave my husband the silent treatment for about three hours and thought of ways to poison his food without implicating myself in any way. I realize that by writing this here, I may cause myself some problems in the future if Jeremy does accidentally choke on a burrito or eats bad hummus that does him in. All ten of you will likely turn me in, and since I have a previous record, the law may not look too kindly on me.

But rest assured, before I actually purchased the strychnine for my husband's hummus, I had a moment of clarity and realized that I need to keep focused on the bigger picture here. Urine doesn’t bother me, not one bit. The fact that he still listens to Ratt, a second-tier 80's hair band at best, is perhaps the most troubling thing for me.

This got me to thinking, if urine doesn’t bother me, then I am either very laid back or I have much bigger troubles. I’m definitely not laid back, so what else is bothering me? Well, for one, the economy is in the crapper and the entire construction industry has taken a giant dump. This does not bode well for the Steenky family who make their livelihoods in architecture.

Can I confess something to you? The economy has me terrified. Jeremy and I both feel so lucky to have our jobs right now. We’ve had to have some pretty pointed discussions lately and have yet to decide which one of us should be voted out of the family in the event of hard times, barring any unforeseen tragedy with a burrito or poisoned hummus. I’m pretty sure if the family had to take a vote at this point, it would be extremely close. Jeremy buys Henry lots of treats and he’s got one of the dogs on his side too. I, on the other hand have both cats firmly in my camp and, depending on the day, the other dog. Reese is the wild-card here. On the one hand, she really likes her cuddle time with me, but that's no match for the thrill she gets when she plays with Jeremy's eye glasses. In order to preserve my position in my family, I have resorted to wearing my glasses as much as possible and throwing candy at Henry whenever we're together. Henry's never been happier but Jeremy is starting to ask a lot of questions. Every vote counts, right?

But for now, no vote is needed because Jeremy and I both still have our jobs. But I'm not sure for how long. I'd like to think we're safe from any layoffs, but you just never know. Lucky for Jeremy, he's been working several angles to preserve his position at work. For example, Jeremy has himself a work husband. And this work husband? He has some clout. He's the CFO of our firm and Jeremy's closest friend in the office. I often find them huddled together in the corner talking about baseball, fishing, cars and tennis shorts.

But I'm fearful that Jeremy's recent antics may have jeopardized any favored status he has with the CFO. You see, a few months ago, Jeremy sneaked down to the parking garage at work and switched out the rear license plate frame on his work husband's new convertable Mustang from the stock frame to a custom-ordered one that reads “My other ride is your mom”.

Oh, we all had a good laugh a few weeks later when the CFO eventually found it, but now I'm just a little nervous. I told Jeremy last night that I thought maybe it was a bad idea that he switched the frame on our boss' car and let him drive around for weeks advertising that he's hot for mothers. He nodded in agreement and confessed that the frame was a tad bit inappropriate. He went on to explain that since his buddy drives a convertible, it would have been better to order the "When I get hot I take my top off" frame instead. He assures me that he'll never make that mistake again.


Folks, I now must leave you with that rambling story for pretty much the remainder of the month. I KNOW. What am I doing? Well, let me tell you what I'm doing. I'm going to take a short breather and spend some quality time with my family. All that 30 posts in 30 days stuff just wore me ragged. I didn't even participate in that beast of a challenge, but visiting you all that did participate and reading all your amazing posts led me to neglect my home and personal grooming habits. Seriously, I think I went two weeks without shaving.


I have two guest posts scheduled for this month (Oscarelli and Tracy Kaply, Inc.) and I'll post links here on the days that they run. I'm sure I'll give in and sneak a few posts in here and there, but for the remainder of the year it will be at random. Even though I'm taking a mini break from writing, that in no way implies that I'll be taking the same sort of break from stalking all of you and harassing you endlessly.

75 comments:

Casey said...

First?

Casey said...

Second?

Casey said...

Third? This is too easy.

Casey said...

Fourth? WTF people!

Casey said...

Ok, now I must go read. You people suck at comment competition.

gingela5 said...

I'm 6th--maybe...and if you ever happen to poison your hubby I would NEVER turn you in--EVER! Unless it benefits me somehow...

Debbie said...

Hey ... I wanted to be first, dammit.



"My Other Ride is Your Mom." I shouldn't have had that mouthful of diet pepsi before I read that. I need to go clean my keyboard now.

Casey said...

Wow, it sounds like you've got the kids and the cats on your side so you're staying. I just aimed this post to Jamie and he was offended that you were anti-Ratt. He said it's a great song and he sides with Jeremy so you're lucky Jamie doesn't get a vote here.
The economy sucks major ass right now and I'm sorry you guys are in this position. Everyone I know is feeling the same state of panic right now, it's really sad. I hope the license plate didn't do you in, I'm sure it won't....
I also get the blogging break. I've been trying to spend more time with the family and I think I'm going to start taking weekends off (baby steps here..). Blogging is great and I love all of you guys but I also have this amazing family in my face that I want to be with. That 30 posts crap wiped me out and like you, it was from the reading, not the writing. I hope we all cheer up soon, I'm in the same funk you're in. Loves, even though you're a skan and skink and skor. The three S's!

monkey said...

i'm totally with you on the blogging break. whenever i feel like it's a chore, i stay the hell away.
(hence, the reason i would never participate in a thirty day blogging challenge)
~okay, insert witty thought for the day here..i got nothing~

Twenty Four At Heart said...

Enjoy your blog break!!

Jenni said...

but where else will i go for posts about urine an poison?

enjoy your break, steenky!

Sprite's Keeper said...

Oh, Jenbo, I understand. The economy has my checkbook near meltdown too, although I should consider storing it elsewhere than the microwave. I had a close call last night when I got the yen for popcorn.

Rebekah said...

My takeaway? Jeremy is OUT OF THE CLOSET as a hummus eater!

Also, if you aren't using that licence plate frame at present, please send it to the Waffles, because a certain Mr. Waffle is MIGHTY uptight about the gravitas of his bumper-sticker-free Subaru Forester. I'm thinking there's a 2nd-hand waffle humor fest in the making.

Also, please stalk me with all of your newfound free time. I'm not scared of hookers.

Khadra said...

take your break :) We will be here when you get back.

I posted about pee today too lol!

Ali said...

Enjoy your break! May I suggest a colon detoxification? (Sorry, I love your ads!)

Captain Dumbass said...

I, for one, am glad you're taking a break. You're like Starbucks, you're everywhere. I think we'd all do well with a little less of you around. Sure my face is streaming with tears and my sleeves are covered in snot, but that was because of Jeremy's license trick, that's all.

Does Betty Ford do blog detox?

Cameron said...

A) There were no First-tier 80's hair bands. They all sucked. But Ratt was cool. Way Cool Jr rocked man!!

2) The CFO, I'm sure, appreciates the all-out-ness (I'm pretty sure that ain't a word) of Jeremy's antics. If Jeremy had pussed out and gone for less, he should have been fired on the spot ;)

Now, for some of my brilliant advice. Don't sweat the things that are beyond your control. Economy = beyond your control. Just do your job, and if the shit hits the fan, deal with it then.

Ok, have fun kiddo. I'll miss you witty humor, but I realize you must go. What is it they say? If you love someone let them free....so go...be free. But if you're not back eventually I will hunt your ass down!!

Happy Holidays!!

Carolyn...Online said...

Ok, the license plate switcharoo? Genius. I'll miss you and your crazy antics while you're taking your break. I give it three days - too many insane December things will happen that you simply MUST blog about.

Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

Please don't leave me...*sniffle. I practically just started reading your blog! You and CK, both taking off on me right after I find out about your "awesomesauciness."

If you were here I would stick my tongue out at you and then give you a wet willy.

mommypie said...

Dude. Ratt AND the Riding Your Mom license thing? He's a keeper.

LOVE IT.

Will totally miss you, but a goil's gotta do what a goil's gotta do. I, for one, completely blew the NaBloPoMo thing in week 2, and have happily cut back a little myself. Totally get it.

Have a wonderful holiday!!

Mike said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one living in the 80's with the love of Ratt.

The economy sucks big time and I'm in the process of starting the job hunt soon. Tell your husband to lay off the CFO and make nice with him. It's not what you know, but who you know...

jen said...

we'll miss you.
but enjoy it. fully.
and then come back ... mmm-k?

i think i'm gonna tone it down this month a wee bit too.
weekends off is a good start casey.

HeatherPride said...

Jeez, Skip came home last night and said they were told they have to cut 10 additional positions at his company. He is starting to sweat it too.

Good luck, Steenky family. I wish you all well.

Michele said...

Enjoy your break.

Love the license plate frame switcheroo. Perfect!

DeeMarie said...

I got a heads-up because, well, you know how needy I am. And yet it still makes me sad. But I know you won't be rid of me. Because I'll be silently, stealthily stalking you all the time. I think you're awesome for baring your soul here, and you'd totally have my vote. Jeremy listens to Ratt... it was kind of a no-brainer there.
Loves you much. Take care of you.

Pamela said...

My license plate says this:
My other ride is Steenky Bee.

Oh yes it does.

And I have been missing you. And I have been missing your stalkingness. And your hookerness. And...well...your steenk.

Have a nice break.

Another commenter wanted to know where she can get her pee post quota filled whilst you are away. Send her over. We are awash in urine.

And RATT blows. All the time. Not even a haircut would help them.

And now I'm done.

HarryJack's Mom said...

Enjoy the steenky holiday and don't forget us :sniff: Sending good economy tidings your way, love!

jori-o said...

We'll all miss your regular bits of wisdom, but enjoy your time off! (And we're in the construction biz too---yikes!!)

for a different kind of girl said...

Oh, how I have missed you and then I got super excited to see your name all bold and wonderful in my Reader, just to come read how I must continue to miss you. However, that's not guilt, that's just me not admitting what you say is the truth. Breaks can be good. Yeah for breaks. Take lots of notes so when you come back, you have much to regale us with.

P.S. I've gone MUCH longer without shaving. Trust me. After awhile, no one notices, and it saves time in the shower, and that silky down lining of leg hair makes a nice blanket on cold nights, thus, you're saving the money AND the environment. It's a win-win, really.

ChurchPunkMom said...

you know what's funny? when you said 'two weeks without shaving' i totally assumed you meant shaving your face.

you don't want to know how long I go without shaving... hey, just trying to do my part to contribute some warmth in the bed for the winter..

ChurchPunkMom said...

lol... see FADKOG? we iowan's think alike... :D

shopgirl said...

32nd! wooo hooo!!! I just hope you come back to your post to read it!!
OMG - I'm dying over here and really, really want the license plate frame ""When I get hot I take my top off" for my convertable bug - how funny would THAT be? hmmm... or a t-shirt - hint hint! ha ha!!
I hear ya sister - the economy - bummer big time! While I'll miss reading your blogs - I totally understand wanting to take some time off - I'll be here when you come back - and hopefully I'll catch ya over at my blog. Take care of you and get those votes!!

Heinous said...

It's so nice to have some Steenk back in my previously empty life. Don't worry, because you have my vote. I think the blogosphere should definitely count for a vote.

Krystal said...

Take all the time you need as long as you don't fall off the face of the earth. I don't think you would do well wandering out there in outer space!

Robin said...

I love how your food of choice to poison Jeremy is all healthy and shit! No strichnine bacon double cheeseburgers for the Steenky family! Oh, no siree!
Have a great bloggy break. We'll miss you! Happy holidays too!

Miss Grace said...

Keep working the work-husband angle. Do they know it was him?

Also, I'd keep up the with the glasses, because I think you're going to need Reese when you get put to the vote.

Jenni Jiggety said...

I miss you already...

Jennifer said...

Blogging break. Oh, no! Of course, I understand, but still, I mourn, I mourn!

Katie said...

Oh NO! I just starting reading your blog yesterday and now you're gone for a month. Poo.
Oh well, I'll just have to stalk your archives.
Have a happy break.

The Stiletto Mom said...

Yeah...right...whatever. Not buying it. Pfft.

I hear ya on the economy. I got a "recession promotion" a month or so ago meaning, I got to keep my job but had to pick up four states from a friend who was not as lucky as me. One girl vs nine states...smart money is on the states winning. But hey, I'm still employed!

Laura said...

You will be missed.

I think I need a break too, because I read "but that's no match for the thrill she gets when she plays with Jeremy's eye glasses" as "but that's no match for the thrill she gets when she plays with Jeremy's glass eye"

Poor Jeremy

King of New York Hacks said...

We'll keep the blogosphere nice and urine warm awaiting your return.

Mc Allen said...

NOOOO, dont go, nothings worth loosing you... Ok, I tried, see ya later!! Just be safe and have fun... I'll take a grilled chicken, whole wheat hold the onions, plz LA

Middle Aged Woman said...

We won't need to turn you in. We can just anonymously send a picture of the Dance Face, and you will be cleared by reason of insanity.

PAPATV said...

A couple XMas's ago, my dad got a card:
LIfe is rough,
times are hard
Here's your FuIKKKen
XMas card

I think I might get THAT card this year. Actually, it will probably be an email.

Scary times. Be Strong. :)

Sherendipity said...

There's too many comments up there, I'm not reading them all. You know, most bloggers who have a million commenters get ixnayed from my reading list. See how much I love you?? Do YOU ???
HOW CAN YOU LEAVE ME?????
Alright, so if anyone up there said they were going to camp outside of your house until you come back, they'd better move over, or share their tent, because I'm leaving now.

Susan said...

I am SOOO disappointed. I was pointed to your blog through a commentor this week after an unknown blogger reamed my ass for one of my posts... people are way too sensitive these days... so anyway, today, when i finally had the chance to check, you announce a one month hiatus. UGH. Ok, I will definately go back and read some old posts to get by, and probably throw you some comments to totally make you scratch your head. Anyway, enjoy the month off! I totally get it.

Sammanthia said...

You almost got me into trouble... I was laughing out loud at "My other ride is your mom" license plate and Carter was "Hey, what's so funny!". I had to randomly choose another sentence and I went with "The fact that he still listens to Ratt....". He told me that wasn't very funny (forgive him, he's only nine) and went into the living room to tell Mark that I'm weird.
Thanks a lot.;)

Colepack said...

At least I am in the top 50!!! For me that is a sign I am late. For you, it is a sign you are loved by your bloggy friends!!!
The economy sucks poo right now and I am praying you make it through.

Captain Dumbass said...

I'm making hot dogs for dinner.

apathy lounge said...

Urine doesn't bother me either...unless someone's been eating a lot of asparagus. And then? Ew.

So stalk away, SB. I look forward to hearing from you in my neck of the woods. Glad you're just taking a much needed break, otherwise I might think it was something I said that drove you away.

Jennifer said...

I decided that Ratt might be the best band name ever!

Enjoy your break!!

ChurchPunkMom said...

dude, Captain Dumbass.. we totally had hot dogs for dinner last night.. though we really went all out, we put chili on them.. AND cheese!

April said...

we're petrified of the economy too. hubs runs his own business which is primarily reliant on the insurance industry. *sigh* we're already feeling a serious pinch.

i will sincerely miss you while you're taking a break and will be waiting with bated breath until you return.

actually, i'll probably keep breathing. if you don't mind.

CK Lunchbox said...

The title had me hooked and the rambling didn't disappoint. I totally understand the need to take the time to shave.

Lola said...

There was never a good hair band, unless you consider Guns n Roses a hair band. The rest was just awful!

Times are so very scary. My husband is "the milkman," meaning he delivers the milk in glass bottles, eggs, coffee, whatever to your door at a premium. When people go through their budgets, guess who goes first. He hasn't had as many quit as you'd expect, but every day is a crapshoot.

Hang in there. I'm really hoping (maybe foolishly) that Obama is going to make things better.

I agree on the whole Nahblome thing taking the fun out of blogging, and I didn't do it either. I just couldn't keep up with everyone else. Now is a great time to slow down with the holidays and all, and I'm doing it, too. We'll all be around whenever you feel like coming back.

bejewell said...

I think it's hilarious that your husband thinks of your love in terms of a RATT song. Are you sure he's not MY husband? Has anyone seen them in the same room together?

Bex said...

loved your rambling post but i got bored reading the hundreds of commenters and how they will miss you. i for one, am glad you are taking break ...

no - not really. just putting on a brave face.

re: the economy - my husband was laid off 5 months ago from wachovia and the good news is we are all in the same boat. it really is comforting to know everyone is screwed. although he just landed a sweet job. which remind me an eighties metal song...

blissfully caffeinated said...

Tennis shorts?

blissfully caffeinated said...

So, I decided that I couldn't allow "tennis shorts" to be possibly my last comment on Steenky Bee for the whole entire year.

First, if you do decide to poison Jeremy, pick up a book called "White Oleander." There are some great tips in the first few chapters.

Second, realize that it could be worse. The Caffeinated family is in the car business. It's bleak, sister. Seriously. But I love you and am wishing the best for you, Jeremy and Jeremy's work husband.

Thirdsies, you need to know how deeply I will miss you this month. It already feels like my heart is beating a little slower just knowing that my dear Jenbo is away from the internets right now. Enjoy your time away, and if you sense my stalkery presence know that I am here, reading the archives, desperately missing the Steenk.

xo

beth said...

You are the first blog I turn to every 3 am, when I wake up freaking out about the economy and Bill's job (land banks for homebuilders!). I'll miss you and your family stories, but maybe this will give me time to stalk you from your first post to the last!

Vodka Mom said...

62? What the hell is wrong with me? I get ya about the economy. My hubs has been laid off for three months and we are HURTING baby. hurting.

however, I still find time to blog. It's a great distraction...

Kat said...

I break is a good thing once in a while. I have a feeling I am gonna have a forced break due to not having internet service until I can find a way to get internet at the new house.

Anndi said...

Bloggy rest, I understand. It comes in fits an spurts for me too... much like an old man with a prostate the size of a grapefruit.

Does this mean I'm to stop researching non detectable poisons for you now that you have what looks like enough votes?

Mama Dawg said...

Don't goooooooooooooooo!!!!!

I can't live without my bloggy nemises. Nemisis?

Whatev.

Just post when you can. We'll still be here!

Wicked Step Mom said...

Enjoy your writing break! And keep the bribes going. Bribes work best on children and puppies. Its a good thing the cats are already on your side, they can be so fickle!

JuleeSLC said...

193rd - woohoo!! Enjoy your break. I love you more than urine.

Chris Wood said...

Urine love sounds so excellent. 80s hair bands? Hmmm. I would have a strong word with Jeremy and point out the poison option that occurred to you.

As to the economy, shit, I left my job 18 months ago to start up as a publisher. Crap on toast but hey, begging beats teaching.

kirsty815 said...

I think everyone is a little disturbed by the economy, unfortunately I think it'll get worse before it gets better.

LMAO at My Other Ride is Your Mom!
Yeah I think that might have given the CFO the green light for a layoff..lol

Will watch google reader in a non stalkerish way for your new posts.

kirsty815 said...

Oh and I hope the "Urine" Love doesn't mean he expects you to bask in a "Golden" Shower or something. YUCK!

Becky said...

Um, I think that anyone with a sense of humor like your hub's is safe from economic downturn. Let's hope the CFO (and his mom) agree! Enjoy your bloggy break. I too am slightly worn out from the November blogging craziness.

Preston said...

I'm 72 but who's counting? I hope all goes well with your jobs. I really enjoy your posts even though I don't comment as much as I should. Enjoy your little holiday break. And Urine? It can't be that bad cause they made a musical about it, didn't they? (Urinetown) If you think you have it bad, think of a whole town of urine! and a town that sings about urine, too. Now that's even scarier than the economy!

goodfather said...

Poison is definitely a first-tier '80s hair band. Just sayin'.

I got laid off yesterday. Please tell me more about the sucktacular economy.

Meli said...

LMAO!! My other ride is your mom!!

Enjoy your time off.

Braja said...

OK I got sent by Heinous, so if you feel like stalking someone new, pick me!!!