Fattie: Week 6 Money Can't Buy Skinny, But Sometimes It Can Buy The Truth

Here's my HASAY update for Week 6 of our HASAY Challenge. It's got it all; mystery, drama, workout equipment. What more could you ask for?

Sunday afternoon, Jeremy hollered from the basement that he would like to see everyone downstairs immediately for a family meeting. Now, in our home, Steenky family meetings are only called on two occasions; 1) One of us is in trouble (it's usually a toss up between me and Henry), or 2) We need to decide what toppings to order on our pizza. Since we had just eaten pizza the night before, I knew it certainly wasn’t about my choice of pepperoni or olives.

I looked at Henry, he was panicked. Nothing makes him more nervous than one of our family meetings. You see, Jeremy’s a master at interrogation. He knows just what buttons to push and knows each of our weaknesses. As a matter of fact, a few weeks ago Henry ratted me out in exchange for a handful of Tootsie Rolls. My crime? Leaving the back door unlocked. However, as long as we’re being honest, let me confess that only days before that, I pinned the mysterious stain on the hallway rug on Henry in order to secure myself a new pair of Steve Madden shoes.

Was it Henry that actually caused the stain or was it Reese? We might never know. But one thing I do know for sure, those Maddens get me dozens of compliments every time I wear them. They were so worth it.

Being the protective mom that I am, I kissed Henry on the head and then urged to him to save himself. "Run! You don’t need to be a part of this,” I pleaded with him desperately.

Henners did as I instructed and bolted up the stairs in the direction of his room. I knew it was better this way. Henry would be safe from Jeremy's intense interrogation. Also, I’m pretty sure I saw Jeremy sifting through the candy jar just before he called our meeting. I’m no dummy. He was planning to use our son’s sweet tooth against me. NOT THIS TIME.

That left just me and Reese to fend for ourselves under Jeremy’s scrutiny. Although Reese is only 13 months old, I feel like I could trust her. I know she’d never turn on me in a stressful situation like her brother would. Well, not only that, but being as young as she is, she doesn’t have a strong enough vocabulary to tattle. Barring the unforeseen circumstance with a “kiki” (kitty) or “brah” (Henry), I figured on this event, I was home free.

Reese and I sauntered downstairs to the basement to face Jeremy and his emergency Steenky family meeting. We were greeted with Jeremy’s angry face.

You should know he doesn’t just throw that face out there unless he’s really upset about something. I knew he was all sorts of riled up.

Jeremy then asked each of us if there was anything that Reese or I had done recently that either of us weren’t exactly proud of. So guilt was his game now, huh? He should know better than that. How does he not know after all these years that I have a weak moral code? I mean, he was right there when I bought those Steve Maddens on his credit card. That was a moment I was definitely proud of.

Just like we had rehearsed several times before, Reese and I gave Jeremy our innocent face. See how we remain loyal to each other even under the intense pressure of Jeremy's angry face?


When he wasn't getting the answers he was looking for, Jeremy decided to shift tactics. (How was he not picking up on my subtle hints?)

Jeremy: Jen, honey, you are looking so good lately. How much weight do you think you’ve lost on that HASAY thing you’re involved in?

I suddenly felt myself blush. I HAD lost weight. I was flattered that my husband had noticed.

Me: Well, I think I may have lost six, maybe seven pounds tops. *hair tossing* Really? You think I look good?
Jeremy: Oh, most definitely!
Me: *more hair tossing* Stop. *giggling* Don’t stop.
Jeremy: Tell me, what have you been doing to lose the weight, Sweetheart?
Me: *grinning* Um, just some free weights with a little light cardio mixed in. Mostly I just run on the treadmill.
Jeremy: *walking over to the treadmill* This treadmill?
Me: *huge gulp* Um, yeah, I guess.

The big gulp, that I’m sure could be heard across the room, was because I knew the jig was up. Within an instant, Jeremy pulled back the drapes, revealing a huge hole near the base of the wall. He pointed directly at it as he asked me several times if I knew anything about the hole in the wall. He noted that the hole was the same height as the track on the treadmill and conveniently about the same diameter as my foot.

Again, I tried to blame the hole on our infant daughter, but she gave Jeremy one of her arresting smiles.

Oh, you may have won this round, little girl, but I have plenty of dirt on you for the future. Just wait until your daddy finds the pile of Cheerios you dumped out on his side of the bed. You’ll get yours Reesie, you’ll get yours.

It seems Jeremy had used flattery to get me this time and I never saw it coming. After much coaxing and the promise that he would buy me something pretty if I confessed my crime, I gave in. I recounted the entire sordid event; my faulty footing, my embarrassing fall, my liberal use of houseplants to cover the unsightly hole until I could make it to Target to purchase floor length drapes to cover up my mistake.

Jeremy then walked over to me and gave me a big hug. “Thanks for telling me the truth,” he said as kissed my head. He then went on to explain that I should consider those new drapes as my “something pretty” this time around.

I smiled and nodded, knowing he was right. I then casually mentioned that he looked tired and should go upstairs and lie down in bed and take a little nap. Reluctantly, he agreed. Before he went upstairs he called back over his shoulder, “You did the right thing, Honey.”

Oh, I know I did the right thing. In a few minutes, Jeremy would “accidentally” come across the mound of breakfast cereal in our bed. All I had to do was act just as confused as Jeremy would undoubtedly be and sit through another family meeting. Of course, I’d eventually implicate Reese but not before I earned those yummy silver hoop earrings that I’ve been eyeing.

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