The Friday Five

So, I'm still kind of not speaking to Blogger. After a much needed rest, I decided to post this afternoon. I wrote a witty, funny Friday Five list about my mother, whom I love. Blogger decided to take my post, gnaw on a portion of it then spit it back at me. This was about my mother. She is a saint. The saint of all things leopard print, but still a saint, nonetheless.

So instead of reconstructing my words, I've decided to do a new quick and dirty Friday Five. I'm not even going to spell check it. Here goes....

So every couple has had the talk about "the list" haven't they? You know, the one where you each reveal the five celebrities that you would like your spouse to give you permission to sleep with in the event that you ever ran into them? Jeremy and I had this talk a few months back and we just couldn't come to an agreement on our lists. After you read below, I think you'll understand why.

I took the assignment of coming up with a list very seriously. I did research. I collected data. I even calculated the odds of actually running into these celebrities. I asked Jeremy for an extension on turning my list over to him because I wanted it to be perfect. Here's what I eventually settled on after weeks of inner contemplation and internet research:

1. Gary Oldman. I heart him. He's not the most attractive celebrity, but there is something about him I dig. Also, Uma Thurman dug him once enough to marry him so he can't be all that bad.
2. James Gandolfini. Okay, so he isn't even remotely hot. I definitely don't want to sleep with him. But I would like to just sit in a diner, while he's in the Tony Soprano character, and just breath really heavily and talk all nasally to me. It's something about his power. I just want to have lunch with the guy.
3. David Duchovny. Well, at least until a few weeks ago. Now snagging him just seems like it wouldn't even be a challenge. So, my new #3 is Luke Wilson. Only, I really don't want to sleep with him either. I just want to go bowling with him. He seems really laid back and the lesser of a gamble as far as the Wilson brothers go.
4. Viggo Mortenson. But only when he's dirty like in Hidalgo. When he cleans up and gets himself into a suit he just loses all appeal to me. Maybe he could just come over and do yard work or something for me.
5. James Hetfield. So I know the lead singer of Metallica isn't a dream boat or anything, but still, he's got something that I want. It's not his body, his face or anything like that. I just want to hear him growl at me. It sounds weird, but if you've ever heard a Metallica song, you'd totally get it.

So that's my list. I deliberated over it for weeks. I proudly turned it over to Jeremy and asked him if he'd been working on his. He smiled and said that, indeed, he had. He then grabbed a pen and paper and began writing furiously. I waited anxiously for his list.

Within seconds he was finished. He scooped up his paper, walked over to the refrigerator and stuck his list proudly on the door for me to see. I ran over and pushed him out of the way to get a better look. Here is what Jeremy's list looked like:

1. Susie from down the street.
2. ----
3. ----
4. ----
5. ----

Burn. On me.

Also, there is no Susie from down the street. That I know of.