September 13, 2008

The Friday Five (Belated and with Interest)

I don't normally post on Saturday. I slacked a little bit yesterday and I didn't get my Friday Five together in time. I have excuses. I totally do.

1. I was carbo-loading. On Tuesday I ate three and a half bagels. In four hours. No kidding. I never eat bagels. I went to work at 5:00 am to help finish up a deadline and in my tired and delirious condition I accidentally downed roughly a million carbs and so much cream cheese. Oh, the cream cheese! It was a lot of effort and so not worth it.

2. I caught Sarah Palin Fever. Don't worry, I don't think it's contagious. I went to the doctor and as it turns out, it's not really even a fever, it just thinks it is. Symptoms include sudden bangs, a penchant for hair clips and the urge to declare war on Russia. My physician has put me on a high dose of antibiotics that were pre-screened to be favorable and not at all hostile to the Sarah Palin Fever. My family has been very supportive and we expect this condition to disappear shortly.

3. To be fair, I also caught Joe Biden Pox. But you know, they aren't so bad. They just itch. But all the sudden I have foreign policy experience. Weird.

4. I had unclean thoughts. Seriously, I did. I have a pile of laundry sitting in the corner of the master bedroom that needs to be done. I know everyone has a pile of laundry somewhere, but I promise you, my pile is of epic proportion. I won't show you a picture of it to prove it because you and my mother will judge me. I thought about doing laundry, I just had no follow through.

5. Jeremy and I were setting goals. At the end of every summer Jeremy and I set aside roughly an hour to take a look at our plans for the upcoming year. We sit down together, consult the experts to make a list, weigh the pros and cons and decide which new television programs on the fall schedule will make our Tivo list. Television is a priority, people. Well, not really, but our precious DVR space is. One foolish program selection now can have negative social, emotional and economic ramifications down the road. Don't even get me started about our decision last year to bypass Madmen for Jeremy's Elk Chronicles. I was left out of so many water cooler conversations about the Madmen's groundbreaking take on office politics (social), I felt regret for not watching it (emotional) and I ended up having to rent season 1 at my local video store (economic).

6. I had to explain the facts of life to my son. Although he's only three, going on four, it was high time Henry and I had the talk. It went a little something like this: "In life, you don't always get what you want, especially during one of our many trips to Walmart. You don't need those Cheetos, that gum, a pair of women's sweat pants or that bucket." And that is a fact. What the little guy needed the women's sweat pants for I'll never know.

7. I became a spotter. Reesie is trying her hand, or foot, at walking these days. She's still a little wobbly and does her best work along the edge of furniture. Still, she's daring and adventurous and has a convenient memory so she thinks she can take off across the room without any help. I'm a little concerned that folks will begin to talk when they see the bruises she's acquiring from some of the falls. So for now, I have the privilege of holding her tiny hand every step of the way.

18 comments:

HeatherPride said...

Ah, yes. I have explained the facts of life to my son at Wal-Mart many, many times. I wonder when he'll start catching on?

And the Tivo? Come on. It's a constant battle. My husband is not above "accidently" turning the channel during one of my recordings. Even though the giant WARNING, WILL - DANGER! DANGER! sign comes on which you cannot ignore, he always says he didn't notice it. I'm on to you, Skip!! Don't think I'm not! Just you wait until the Super Bowl! Revenge is sweet, dear husband.

HeatherPride said...

Ok, so I just read your post about how you emailed The Bloggess because of her love of Amy Sedaris? First let me say that I have been a fan of David Sedaris since like, ever. But his last book made me want to cry and ask his publisher, who the hell is ghost writing for David these days because that last one was NOT the David I know!!! I waited like 2 years for him to write something new and THIS is what he comes out with? No... Anyway....remember how you felt after emailing The Bloggess? I kinda feel that way now after I sent you that email last week. The one that you didn't answer. Because I was probably a spaz and said weird things. I was too weird, wasn't I. I knew it. Damn weirdness.

JuleeSLC said...

We need to talk .... fall TV watching schedule.

Lee and I had the talk too ... about our cable options in our new home. It was one of the most serious, intense and rewarding conversations we've had in our two-year relationship. We made some serious progress, compromise and commitment. A therapist would be proud.

I'm sad to say good-bye to my cute Tivo. It's cute noises, utilities and visual features and have provided many great moments of comfort and happiness over the years. I'll probably keep the system - just in case our DVR doesn't meet my expectations.

Sigh.

Captain Dumbass said...

Don't worry heatherpride. HAHAHA! The first time I wrote your name it came out 'haterpride' which is kinda... never mind.

Don't worry about not getting emails back from JBG, you know how these entertainment guru's are. She's probably been busy shopping with Oprah or something.

Bagels... I love bagels.

jenboglass said...

Heather: You're awesome.

Julee: You, my friend are the First Lady of Awesome. Yes, let's get our picks together and compare and contrast.

Captain O' My Captain: I have never met Oprah, Girlfriend, but my dear friend JuleeSLC has not only met her but been touched by her. I have friends in high places.

Sherry said...

Honey, I still have the Walmart talk, on a regular basis. Not so much with a three year old, but with my teenager and my husband. Thankfully I don't have to explain why they shouldn't need woman's sweat pants, but sometimes the requests are equally bizarre.

blissfullycaffeinated said...

OK, we need to have a laundry mountain contest. Because I'm sure I would win. Mountaineers and spelunkers and such have gone into our laundry room never to return again.

Awesome post!

PAPATV said...

I love bagels. Next time, put a tomato on it, toast it, apply cream cheese, and cut. Turkey bacon is nice, too. And Mamma Bella garlic bread. Without the tomato. I love food.

Kat said...

I remember the days of being the spotter. I guess I did a pretty crappy job though because my mom used to make comments like "Geez Kat, can't you beat them a little more discreetly next time!"

for a different kind of girl said...

I think I have a touch of that Sarah Palin fever, which I am hoping passes soon without any residual effects. The other day, though, I put had my hair up and I put on my glasses to read over some documents, and I caught a glimpse of myself in the microwave and I screamed, and then started muttering about how I broke through the Old Boys Network and glass ceilings. Sadly, this turned my husband on.

The Stiletto Mom said...

Dang Jen, after reading your post I am frantically searching for a chip clip for my hair.

I have to say though, I am so disappointed in you. HOW ON EARTH could you miss Mad Men? I mean...really. Oh wait, same thing happened to me, The Man won control of the remote and we are now staying up until 1:00 in the morning catching up on season one because all of our friends publicly mock us as we hang our heads in shame.

Back to formulating a plan for moose hunting...where is that Elmer Fudd hat anyway....

Ellie said...

I saw a little toddler learning how to walk at the beach the other day. Instead of the mom standing behind the kid, holding her hands up in the air, she had a towel around the baby's torso, and was holding her up that way. She'll be the only girl who learns how to walk without holding her hands up in the air...

Black Hockey Jesus said...

Women's sweatpants are more comfortable.

Sprite's Keeper said...

Jen, that was brilliant. I think I have a crush on Steenky Bee.

Mama Dawg said...

I loved the feel of my daughters tiny hand in mine as she walked.

Carolyn...Online said...

I know that if I had to I could eat three bagels in four hours. It wouldn't be pretty, but I could do it.

Eternal Sunshine said...

Ugh - I never get control of the TV at our house, so I record all my shows, but eventually, the backlog gets overwhelming, so I just say "Screw it, I don't have time to catch up with all that." And then I'm bummed anytime someone mentions one of my shows...

I caught a glimpse of the previous post just before this page came up, so now I'm off to read the urine story.

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